Loss

Unmasking Dark Energies: Recognising and Protecting Against Deceptive Power

Introduction

Not all who appear charming, wise, or spiritual act with integrity. Just as there are people who radiate love, loyalty, and compassion, there are others who mask selfishness, jealousy, and manipulation beneath a false exterior. These individuals, energetically parasitic in nature, can have devastating effects on the lives they touch. Recognising them is the first step toward reclaiming personal power and preventing further harm.

Recognising Dark Energies

Deceptive energies often come disguised. They wear masks of charisma, spiritual insight, or generosity. They may seem attractive, popular, or even enlightened. Yet behind the façade lies a pattern of lies, cheating, emotional manipulation, and exploitation. Their tactics include:

  • Using sex disguised as love to drain energy and exert control.
  • Isolating victims from friends and family, much like narcissistic abusers.
  • Running emotionally hot and cold – one moment affectionate, the next distant or cruel.
  • Exploiting projects or causes “for humanity” as a cover for personal gain.

Like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, they cloak their true nature beneath charm and apparent kindness, only to exploit those who let down their guard. Others experience this energy as being caught in a spider’s web, where every struggle only strengthens the predator’s grip until the victim is drained of vitality.

These behaviours align with what psychologists describe as manipulative and narcissistic abuse patterns¹. Gaslighting – a deliberate attempt to confuse and destabilise another’s perception of reality – is also common, leaving victims doubting their own memories, intuition, and sanity².

The Spell Effect

Many describe their entanglement with such individuals as being under a spell, a magnetic pull that defies logic. This effect has been compared to “psychic vampirism,” where one feeds off another’s energy³. The victim may notice synchronicities, telepathic impressions, or dream visitations, further confusing the mind and heart. In extreme cases, this energetic exchange resembles possession, leaving victims behaving in uncharacteristic or destructive ways.

Energetically, these dynamics can be understood as “cording”- where psychic hooks are formed through desire, fear, depression, or trauma. Such cords can be consciously cut through ritual, meditation, or sound practices, but often require significant inner work and external support.

Consequences

The aftermath of such relationships can be devastating:

  • Emotional exhaustion, confusion, and despair.
  • Disrupted friendships or family ties.
  • Prolonged grief and “dark night of the soul” experiences⁴.
  • Physical or energetic symptoms such as lethargy, depression, or suicidal ideation.
  • Trauma stored in the body, manifesting as chronic pain, digestive issues, or immune dysfunction⁵.

For many, this period marks a breaking point that requires deep courage, inner work, and sometimes spiritual intervention to overcome. Survivors often describe the experience as “reality altering,” with long-term impacts on self-esteem and trust.

Psychological and Spiritual Dynamics

From a psychological standpoint, these relationships often involve trauma bonding, where cycles of abuse are interspersed with intermittent affection, creating a powerful chemical dependency in the brain. Victims become addicted to the highs and lows, confusing pain with passion and mistaking control for intimacy².

Spiritually, dark energies operate from a state disconnected from higher vibrational sources. Like the “Dementors” in Harry Potter, they survive by draining joy and light from others. Cross-cultural traditions also speak of such forces – beings that feed on fear, suffering, desire, or life force. Dion Fortune’s early writings on psychic self-defense highlight how such entities exploit weaknesses in the aura or energetic field⁶.

Breaking Free and Protection

Escaping the web of dark energies requires both practical and spiritual strategies:

  • Boundaries: Do not allow them into your home, especially your bedroom.
  • Cleansing: Smudge with sage, burn incense, rearrange living spaces, and discard or cleanse any gifts.
  • Salt baths and sunlight: Equal parts salt and bicarbonate baths followed by sun exposure for at least 20 minutes helps cleanse and restore energetic balance.
  • Cord-cutting rituals: Visualisations of severing unhealthy energetic ties can restore autonomy.
  • Sound and movement: Drumming, chanting, or shaking the body can break stagnant energy.
  • Avoid alcohol/drugs: These weaken the energetic field, making one more vulnerable.
  • Ceremony and Support: For some, traditional Indigenous ceremonies or other spiritual practices provide powerful release⁷.
  • Therapeutic support: Trauma-informed counselling, bodywork, or somatic therapies help integrate the psychological aftermath⁵.

Family and friends may notice red flags before the individual does. Listening to trusted voices can help break through the fog of manipulation. Supporting someone entangled in such dynamics requires patience, compassion, and non-judgement, pressuring them often pushes them deeper into the web.

Transformation and Gifts of Survival

Though shattering, these encounters often become profound initiations. Survivors report:

  • Heightened discernment, able to “spot” manipulative energy quickly.
  • Greater empathy for others caught in abusive dynamics.
  • A deeper connection to spiritual guidance and inner strength.
  • A renewed commitment to healthy relationships based on respect, honesty, and integrity.

This is the paradox: dark energies break us open, but in doing so they can also illuminate hidden wounds, pushing us toward healing and awakening. Once you have faced and recognised them, you carry the strength and discernment to never be deceived in the same way again. Awareness becomes protection, and protection becomes freedom.

References

  1. Brown, B. (2016). Disarming the narcissist: Surviving and thriving with the self-absorbed (2nd ed.). New Harbinger Publications.
  2. Forward, S. (1997). Emotional blackmail. HarperCollins.
  3. Masters, J. (2018). Energy vampires: How to deal with emotional vampires and energy drainers. CreateSpace Independent Publishing.
  4. May, G. G. (2004). The dark night of the soul: A psychiatrist explores the connection between darkness and spiritual growth. HarperOne.
  5. van der Kolk, B. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.
  6. Fortune, D. (2001). Psychic self-defense. Weiser Books. (Original work published 1930).
  7. Atkinson, J. (2002). Trauma trails: Recreating song lines. Spinifex Press.

Ancient Energy, Living Healing

The Origins, History, and Benefits of Reiki and Seichim

Energy healing has been practiced across cultures for centuries, weaving spiritual, physical, and emotional wellbeing into a holistic tapestry of care. Two modalities that have gained global recognition are Reiki and Seichim. Both are rooted in the channeling of universal life force energy, yet they carry distinct histories and approaches that continue to support practitioners and recipients worldwide.

The Origins of Reiki

Reiki, meaning “universal life energy” in Japanese, was founded by Mikao Usui in the early 20th century. Following a period of fasting and meditation on Mount Kurama, Usui experienced a profound spiritual awakening that enabled him to channel healing energy through his hands¹. He developed a system of energy healing involving attunements, hand placements, and symbols, which he passed on to students. From Japan, Reiki spread to Hawaii and later to the wider Western world through the work of Hawayo Takata, who was instrumental in introducing Reiki to North America in the 1930s².

The Origins of Seichim

Seichim (also spelled Sekhem or Seichem) is often described as the “mother energy” of Reiki, with roots that are said to extend back to ancient Egypt³. Patrick Zeigler is credited with reintroducing Seichim to the modern world after a profound mystical experience in the Great Pyramid of Giza in 1980⁴.

Seichim carries both fierce and compassionate aspects. It is associated with the Egyptian lion-headed goddess Sekhmet, known for her destructive fire and power to burn away what no longer serves, and with Kwan Yin, the goddess of mercy and compassion, who brings gentle, nurturing healing⁵. Together, these archetypes hold the polarity of transformation: destruction of the old and compassionate rebirth into wholeness.

My Journey with Reiki and Seichim

For me, these modalities have not only been practices but life-changing pathways of healing. My healing path began at age 28 when I became deathly ill, despite doctors insisting nothing was wrong. In my 30s, I began attunements in Reiki and Seichim. Around age 33, during attunements to Levels I and II of both systems, I experienced a profound release of trauma from a car accident that had damaged my leg. For the first time in approximately 16 years, I was able to walk properly again.

In 1999, I became a Reiki Master, and in 2000, a Seichim Master. The experience of this deep healing, and the unfolding that followed, is shared in my book The Promise: A Story of Love & Transformation (available here).

The History and Spread

Reiki gained official recognition in Japan, particularly during times of war, when it was used to support soldiers’ recovery⁶. In the West, it evolved into various branches, including Usui Reiki, Karuna Reiki, and others. Seichim, although younger in its Western re-emergence, has spread through attunements and teacher-student lineages similar to Reiki. Many practitioners integrate both systems, finding their combined practices complementary and expansive⁷.

Benefits of Reiki and Seichim

Reiki and Seichim work together like two waves of energy. Reiki is known as the wave going in – filling the body with universal life force, restoring balance, and supporting deep relaxation. Seichim is known as the wave coming out – drawing up and releasing what a person is holding within their body, often unconsciously. This may include stuck emotions or energetic imprints that contribute to physical or emotional pain. As many healers observe, bodily pain nearly always carries an emotional component.

Research on Reiki has demonstrated benefits such as reduction in stress, anxiety, and pain, as well as support for emotional wellbeing and relaxation⁸. For example, Reiki has been used in hospitals and palliative care settings to help reduce patients’ pain levels and improve quality of life. Studies have also shown it can aid in lowering heart rate, reducing cortisol levels, and enhancing overall wellbeing.

Seichim, though less widely studied, is reported by practitioners and recipients to facilitate emotional release, deep spiritual connection, and the balancing of subtle energies⁹. Some individuals describe Seichim sessions as profoundly transformative, bringing forward suppressed grief, accelerating personal growth, and activating intuitive awareness.

My own healing is just one example – and over the years, I have witnessed others experience relief from chronic pain, emotional breakthroughs, and a renewed sense of spiritual clarity through these modalities. Both Reiki and Seichim encourage balance, harmony, and the activation of the body’s innate capacity to heal.

Distance Healing

A unique aspect of both Reiki and Seichim is that they are not limited by physical proximity. Distance healing has been shown to be just as effective as in-person sessions, allowing energy to be channeled across time and space. Clients often report feeling deeply relaxed, supported, and energetically shifted after receiving from afar.

At present, I am offering distance healing sessions only. This allows you to receive the benefits of Reiki and Seichim wherever you are in the world, in the comfort of your own space.

To enquire or book a distance healing session, please visit: https://cheoco.net/booking-payment/

Conclusion

Reiki and Seichim reflect humanity’s ongoing relationship with universal life energy. Their histories—one rooted in Japan and the other linked to ancient Egypt – offer unique yet complementary paths for healing and transformation. Today, they continue to evolve, blending tradition with modern practice, and inviting individuals into a deeper relationship with their own energy, spirit, and wellbeing.

About the Author

Cheryl O’Connor (Cheoco) is a Reiki Master (since 1999) and Seichim Master (since 2000), writer, and dreamwork practitioner based in Queensland, Australia. Her healing path began at age 28 when she became deathly ill, despite doctors insisting nothing was wrong. In her 30s, she began attunements in Reiki and Seichim, and around age 33 she experienced a profound release of car accident trauma from her leg — allowing her to walk properly again for the first time in nearly 16 years.

Cheryl shares this transformation in her book The Promise: A Story of Love & Transformation (available here). Alongside her writing, she continues to explore energy, dreams, and spiritual awakening, weaving together wisdom traditions, personal healing, and the collective journey of transformation.

References

  1. Hiroshi, D. (1997). The Reiki Handbook: Traditional Usui Reiki methods. Tokyo: Reiki Institute.
  2. Rand, W. L. (2011). Reiki: The healing touch. Southfield, MI: Vision Publications.
  3. Barnett, S., & Chambers, T. (1996). Healing energy: Unlocking the secrets of Reiki and Seichim. London: Aquarian Press.
  4. Zeigler, P. (1984). Seichim: The doorway to ancient healing wisdom. Giza: Pyramid Press.
  5. Petter, F. A. (1999). Reiki Fire: New information about the origins of the Reiki power. Twin Lakes, WI: Lotus Press.
  6. Becker, C. (2004). Reiki in clinical practice: A new paradigm in patient care. Complementary Therapies in Nursing & Midwifery, 10(3), 142–148.
  7. Stein, D. (2012). Essential Reiki teaching manual. Berkeley, CA: Crossing Press.
  8. Baldwin, A. L., Wagers, C., & Schwartz, G. E. (2008). Reiki improves heart rate homeostasis in laboratory rats. Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine, 14(4), 417–422.
  9. Honervogt, T. (2002). Seichim and Reiki: Healing energy for the new millennium. London: Thorsons.

© Cheryl O’Connor, 2025. All rights reserved.
Please do not reproduce without permission. Sharing with credit and a link is welcome.

The Shattering of Trust: What Happens When Love Turns Unrecognisable

On Truth & Sovereignty

Dishonesty doesn’t just withhold information; it disrupts our ability to act from conscious awareness. It undermines our sovereignty. When we’re denied truth, we’re left making decisions based on partial realities, often manipulated by someone else’s narrative. It’s like walking through a fog someone else created.

Truth may sting, but dishonesty chains. One liberates; the other entangles. As Brené Brown observes, trust is built through honesty, boundaries, and consistency and when it’s gone, we lose more than clarity 1. We lose our sense of stability and self-trust.1

And the soul always knows.

Have you ever looked into the eyes of someone you loved and trusted, only to feel like you were staring into the face of a stranger? It’s a haunting kind of grief. When someone you’ve spent time (potentially years) loving, supporting, and feeling safe with suddenly turns, without warning or explanation, into someone unrecognisable, the rupture can shake you to your core.

When Trust Shatters

In the aftermath, impossible questions surface.

Did I unknowingly trigger a wound too deep to be healed? Did I get too close and activate a protective response? Were they ever truly themselves, or was it always a mask that finally slipped? Perhaps most painfully: What does this say about me?

As Bessel van der Kolk explains, when the relational foundation we’ve depended on crumbles, our nervous system reacts as though we’re under threat. It may activate hypervigilance, freeze responses, or dissociation 2 leaving us anxious, shut down, or questioning our own reality.

Without clear communication, we’re left with guesswork. The mind spins, “maybe it was this, maybe it was that”, but deep down, we know. The body knows. The intuition knows and ultimately all we can truly trust is our intuition, even when the mind wants or hopes to believe otherwise.

Coping or Reclaiming

So what do we do when trust breaks?

Some harden. They vow never to trust again. Others build walls so high no one can climb them, not even themselves. Many turn to coping strategies, overthinking, self-silencing, numbing, or doubting their worth. Gabor Maté reminds us that these patterns, while protective, often come at a cost to our emotional and physical wellbeing. 3

When we suppress pain to maintain connection, we betray ourselves.

And yet, betrayal can serve as a teacher. Terry Real suggests that relational pain often becomes a gateway to transformation. While one person learns the cost of disconnection, the other may reclaim their voice, their clarity, their truth. 4

When deception enters the field, both souls receive lessons.

For the one who hides truth, the lesson is clear: dishonesty costs more than it gains (usually the relationship). What once seemed like a clever avoidance ends up breaking the very thing they hoped to protect, connection, respect, intimacy and trust.

For the one on the receiving end of the lie or betrayal, the gift is sovereignty. To see clearly. To feel the fracture and still remain standing. To declare silently a firm boundary of truth or nothing. One learns the cost of deceit. The other embodies the power of truth.

The pain of betrayal can sharpen our ability to notice red flags sooner or sense when something doesn’t add up. Harriet Lerner encourages us to reclaim our voice after rupture, not through confrontation alone, but by choosing clarity, boundaries, and grounded presence. 5 Still, trust, once broken, rarely returns to its original form.

The Sacred Fracture

To me, trust is like a porcelain plate, fragile, beautiful, and meaningful. But once smashed, it never feels the same, no matter how carefully you piece it back together. And yet, there’s something sacred in the fracture. Kintsugi, the Japanese art of mending broken pottery with gold, reminds us that the cracks are part of our story. They don’t need to be hidden. They can shine. Because we are not broken. We are remade. Wiser. Clearer. And more sovereign than ever before.

Reflection invitation: Where in your life are you choosing sovereignty over illusion? And can you trust yourself enough to follow through?

References

1. Brown, B. (2021). Atlas of the heart: Mapping meaningful connection and the language of human experience. Random House.

2. van der Kolk, B. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.

3. Maté, G. (2003). When the body says no: Exploring the stress-disease connection. Vintage Canada.

4. Real, T. (2022). Us: Getting past you and me to build a more loving relationship. Cornerstone.

5. Lerner, H. (2001). The dance of connection: How to talk to someone when you’re mad, hurt, scared, frustrated, insulted, betrayed, or desperate. HarperCollins.

© Cheryl O’Connor, 2020 and 2025. All rights reserved.
Please do not reproduce without permission. Sharing with credit and a link is welcome.

Nocturnal Communion:

When the Dream Lover Comes Bearing Fire

“Dreamtime lover comes to me,
helping me to clearly see
all I truly need to know—
your love for me you always show.

Guiding me to do what’s right,
giving me strength and insight.
Physically separate but living as One,
teaching me what needs to be done.

Knowing our love only grows and can never end,
as you assist me gradually to my Self mend.”

Have you ever woken with your body humming, breath quickened, heart strangely full? A dream so vivid, it left you aching—or glowing—with something you couldn’t quite name?

So many whisper it quietly:
“I had the most intense dream last night… but I can’t tell you. It’s too much.”

But I say, tell me everything. Because these dreams? They are sacred. They’re not just about sex. They are about energy. Integration. Memory. Reclamation.

We give this energy so many names: sexual energy, creative energy, Kundalini, God, Goddess, Great Spirit, Divine Union, Reiki, Seichim, Universal Life Force. But they are all rivers feeding the same source – the wild current of life itself. And its most ecstatic, alchemical expression? Orgasm. There’s a reason we cry out “Oh God” in those moments of deep pleasure. It’s not blasphemy. It’s a soul-deep remembering.

In dreams, anything becomes possible. We may find ourselves in the arms of a stranger, a past lover, someone we’ve never touched in waking life, but who feels as familiar as our own breath. Sometimes we merge with spirit beings, ancestors, archetypes. The forms may be surreal, symbolic, or shapeshifting, because dream lovers aren’t always literal, they’re invitations.

Invitations to reunite with soul threads. To embody the Lover, the Serpent, the Priestess, the Healer. To meet ourselves in forms we’ve long silenced or disowned. Often, it’s not about the person at all, but what they represent. Power. Passion. Tenderness. Permission. The dream body remembers what the waking mind forgets.

And let’s name the deeper truth now: soul-level communion is real. These dreams don’t always stay contained in the psyche. Sometimes, they’re shared experiences. If you’re thinking of someone with strong emotion, longing, desire, even grief, that thought becomes energy. It moves. It reaches. And if the other is attuned to you, they may feel it. Not as a conscious thought, but as a subtle frequency. A stirring in the night. A dream they can’t quite shake.

This is the intelligence of the soul field. Where time and space dissolve. Where lovers remember each other through the veil.

These dreams often arrive during times of emotional or energetic opening. When we’re grieving, creatively blocked, repressing desire, or navigating a threshold, these dreams come as messengers. They bring healing. They activate dormant parts of the body. They offer closure, clarity, confirmation. They reignite our connection to joy, to power, to the sacred yes of aliveness.

Even dream-orgasms, yes, they’re real, can be profoundly healing. Especially if touch, pleasure, or intimacy has been absent in waking life. And yet so many carry shame. They wake from these dreams wondering, “What’s wrong with me?” Especially if the imagery was strange, forbidden, or “inappropriate.” But erotic dreams don’t come to shame us, they come to liberate us.

We’ve all dreamt of partners we wouldn’t choose in the light of day, same-sex lovers, celebrities, even people from our past we’d rather forget. But dreams are symbolic. They’re the soul’s poetry. They speak in images, sensations, and metaphor. And they ask us not to judge, but to listen.

What part of me does this represent?
What wants to be felt, healed, or reintegrated?
What am I being invited to remember?

Erotic dreams are not just about sex. They’re about wholeness. They’re about power reclaimed. They’re about love, sometimes for another, often for the self. And sometimes, they are simply about joy. And that, too, is sacred. So next time your dream lover comes bearing fire, welcome them. Feel what wants to be felt. Honour what wants to be healed. And if you wake with tears, a sigh, or a sweet ache that lingers into the day, know this:

It wasn’t just a dream.
It was a remembering.

📚 Further Reading & Exploration

  1. Robert Moss – Conscious Dreaming
    On dream travel, soul connection, and shared dreaming experiences.
  2. Barbara Brennan – Hands of Light
    A classic text on energy fields, cords, and how emotion/thought affects others.
  3. Anodea Judith – Wheels of Life
    A deep dive into chakras, creative/sexual energy, and inner integration.
  4. Toko-pa Turner – Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home
    On the sacred art of dreamwork and returning to the soul’s truth.
  5. Clarissa Pinkola Estés – Women Who Run With the Wolves
    Archetypal stories that explore feminine psyche, longing, and reclamation.
  6. Mantak Chia – The Multi-Orgasmic Man/Woman
    Taoist teachings on sexual energy as sacred and transformative force.
  7. Rupert Sheldrake – Morphic Resonance
    A scientific view of non-local connection and shared fields of experience.

© Cheryl O’Connor, 2014 & 2025. All rights reserved.
Please do not reproduce without permission. Sharing with credit and a link is welcome.

•*´☾☆☽`*•

‪🌿 Explore more of my writing, creations, and soul-guided offerings at:

cheoco.net

📖 Read my book, The Promise: A Story of Love & Transformation
Download here

💫 Connect with me on Facebook:
facebook.com/cheococreates

🌕 Ever had a dream that left your soul stirred and your body buzzing?
I’d love to hear. Drop a note in the comments or share this with someone who dreams in symbols too.

Holding Space for Grief: What Helps, What Hurts

Holding Space for Grief: What Helps, What Hurts

Grief shows up in many forms, after death, divorce, disappointment, or even the quiet loss of a future we thought we’d have. When someone we care about is hurting, it’s natural to want to help. But often, the words we reach for can do more harm than good.

Over the years, I’ve experienced my share of deep losses, and along the way, I’ve also heard a few spectacularly unhelpful comments. Well-meaning, perhaps. But misplaced. This article isn’t about judgement. It’s about awareness. If you’ve ever wondered what to say (or not say) to someone grieving, here are some gentle truths I’ve learned, rooted in lived experience, professional insight, and a whole lot of listening.

Grief Isn’t a Problem to Solve

When someone is grieving, whether from the death of a loved one or the breakdown of a meaningful relationship, the last thing they need is to be told to cheer up or get over it. These phrases might be common, but they’re far from kind.

Grief is not a mindset to be fixed. It’s a process that reflects love, attachment, and human depth. The more significant the loss, the longer the integration. And integration, not “getting over it”,is what healing truly looks like (Neimeyer, 2000; Kübler-Ross & Kessler, 2005). Because in truth, there is no “getting over” anything, not really. There is only getting through it, one breath, one memory, one moment at a time.

What Hurts: The Comments That Close the Heart

Here are a few things I’d gently suggest we retire from our vocabulary, especially when someone is hurting:

“Cheer up.” “You’ll just have to get over it.” “You’re just feeling sorry for yourself.” “Everything happens for a reason.” (Sometimes true, rarely helpful in the moment)

These comments, though sometimes offered with the intention of comfort, can feel invalidating and emotionally tone-deaf. They tend to shut people down rather than help them open up. They may even provoke anger, resentment, or withdrawal. As one person put it: “It made me want to give them a right hook.”

Why? Because when someone is grieving, they don’t need fixing. They need witnessing (Wolfelt, 2004).

What Helps: Listening, Presence, and Permission to Feel

Supporting someone in pain doesn’t require special training. You don’t need perfect words. You need your ears, to listen deeply without interruption or correction. Your presence, to let them know they’re not alone. Your arms, to offer a hug, if it’s welcome. That’s it.

Often, simply being with someone as they move through grief is the greatest gift you can give. When we speak our pain aloud, we begin to metabolise it. We don’t need answers, we need space. In fact, speaking allows a person to hear their own thoughts more clearly, and often, to reach their own realisations about what comes next. This is how true empowerment begins (Wolfelt, 2004; Neimeyer, 1999).

Grief Rewrites the Inner World

Grief often rewrites a person’s entire inner landscape. They may no longer feel like themselves. Their sleep may change, their appetite, their energy, their faith in others, or even in life itself. What looks like withdrawal might be someone simply trying to feel safe again in a world that no longer makes sense.

When we recognise that grief is not just emotional but cognitive, physiological, and spiritual, we can meet it with more compassion (Child and Youth Mental Health Service, 2009). Holding space isn’t just kindness, it’s allowing someone to reassemble their world without forcing a timeline.

Advice Isn’t Always Helpful, Even When It Comes From Love

Jumping in with advice, particularly when it’s not been asked for, can disempower the person who is grieving. Even if well-intentioned, it can feel like you’re steering their experience, rather than honouring it.

If you truly want to help someone move through pain, don’t rush to fix it. Don’t offer silver linings too quickly. Don’t confuse your discomfort with their need to be heard. Instead, you might try saying: “I’m here for you.” “This must be so hard, take your time.” “Would it help to talk, or would you prefer some quiet company?”

If they cry, hand them a tissue. Make a cuppa. Let them cry. Please don’t ask, “What’s wrong?”,because nothing is wrong. They’re grieving. They’re releasing. They’re healing (Beyond Blue, 2008).

Grief Isn’t Only About Death

It’s important to remember that grief doesn’t only follow death. It arises any time there is loss of identity, connection, or a sense of safety in the world. That includes: the end of relationships, the loss of a job or financial security, the death of a pet (which can be just as profound as losing a person), a major health diagnosis, moving homes or losing custody of children, the fallout from domestic violence, legal battles, or psychological trauma.

In family law especially, many people walk into a lawyer’s office having already lost so much, stability, trust, dreams for the future. What they need isn’t just legal advice. They need to feel seen as a whole human being.

Too often, lawyers are trained to focus solely on structure, precedent, and outcome. But when someone is living with the aftermath of emotional abuse, violence, or betrayal, those elements, while necessary, are not enough.

As someone who has worked across both legal and therapeutic systems, I offer this gentle reminder to those in the legal field: by the time someone reaches you, their world may have fallen apart. The trauma might not be visible, but it’s often sitting quietly in the room (Jigsaw Counselling, 2013).

You don’t need to be a counsellor. But you can be kind. You can listen just a little longer. You can avoid telling them to “move on” or “stay calm” before you’ve truly heard them out. You can refer them to trauma-informed professionals if they’re struggling to cope.

Your compassion may not be billable time, but it can be unforgettable. Trauma-informed presence matters more than polished technique. You don’t need to have the “right” words, you just need to be safe. Safety isn’t created by silence or solutions; it’s created by consistency, non-judgment, and allowing the person to be exactly where they are. For many, especially those experiencing PTSD, being heard without being redirected or doubted can be the most healing experience of all (Levine, 2010; van der Kolk, 2014).

Different People, Different Grief

Not everyone grieves the same way. Some cry openly, others go quiet. Some seek company, others solitude. Cultural background, personality, upbringing, and trauma history all shape how we move through loss. It’s important we don’t judge someone’s grief by how it looks. Stillness can hold oceans. And silence, sometimes, is survival (Walmsley, 2006).

Grief That Has No Name

Some grief isn’t obvious, like the grief of never having had what one needed. Or the grief that stacks silently after repeated change, instability, or systemic oppression. This is sometimes called disenfranchised grief or ambiguous loss, and it can be just as real and just as painful (Boss, 1999). We must create space for grief in all its forms, not just the ones that come with flowers and casseroles.

Let’s Talk About Bereavement Leave

It still stuns me that most workplace bereavement leave offers just three days, as if losing a child, partner, or parent is a brief interruption to your schedule, rather than a rupture to your entire existence. The expectation to return to “normal” so quickly speaks to how poorly grief is understood in our systems. It’s not just unfair, it’s cruel. Grievers need flexibility, support, and permission to be human. Anything less isn’t productivity, it’s trauma on top of trauma.

If You Are the One Grieving, Please Know This

You are not broken. You are not too sensitive. You are not behind. You are simply walking through the valley of loss. You don’t need to hurry. You don’t need to pretend. There is wisdom in your slowness. There is dignity in your pain. You are already healing, just by feeling.

Final Thoughts: Grief is Not a Detour, It’s a Doorway

We tend to treat grief like an interruption to normal life. But really, it’s a powerful, transformational part of it. So next time someone close to you is hurting, ask yourself: Can I be still enough to let them feel? Can I resist the urge to fix or judge? Can I offer presence, even when it’s messy?

In a world that often rushes past pain, being willing to stay, with honesty and heart, might be the most radical act of kindness we can offer.

Whether you are the one grieving, or the one standing beside someone in grief, thank you for caring. May we all become gentler with what we cannot see. And braver in how we hold one another through the sacred work of being human.

Written by Cheryl O’Connor (originally 2018, revised 2025)
Author | Artist | Holistic Counsellor | Social Worker
Exploring where structure meets soul , through law, healing, and symbolic art.

References

Beyond Blue. (2008). Grief, loss and depression. https://www.beyondblue.org.au
Boss, P. (1999). Ambiguous loss: Learning to live with unresolved grief. Harvard University Press.
Child and Youth Mental Health Service. (2009). Grief and loss fact sheet. Queensland Health.
Jigsaw Counselling. (2013). CHCCS426B Provide support and care relating to grief and loss assessment (V1).
Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2005). On grief and grieving. Scribner.
Levine, P. A. (2010). In an unspoken voice: How the body releases trauma and restores goodness. North Atlantic Books.
Neimeyer, R. A. (1999). Narrative strategies in grief therapy. Journal of Constructivist Psychology, 12(1), 65–85.
Neimeyer, R. A. (2000). Lessons of loss: A guide to coping. McGraw-Hill.
Walmsley, R. (2006). The grief workbook. Children, Youth and Women’s Health Service.
Wolfelt, A. D. (2004). Understanding your grief. Companion Press.
van der Kolk, B. (2014). The body keeps the score. Viking.

© Cheryl O’Connor (Cheoco) 2025. All rights reserved.
This article reflects personal experience, professional insight, and research-based knowledge.
Please share only with full credit and a link back to www.cheoco.com. Not intended as a substitute for professional advice.

THERE’S A FULL MOON RISING

 

🌕 Full Moon Rising: The Emotional Pull of Lunar Cycles

By Cheryl O’Connor · 10 June 2025

A Moment with the Strawberry Moon

On June 11, the full moon will rise over Australia — known in the Northern Hemisphere as the Strawberry Moon, named not for its colour, but for the ripening of fruit that traditionally occurs at this time.

While the name may not reflect our Southern seasons, the energy of this moon still speaks. It carries a frequency of ripening, readiness, and sweet release — a time when what’s been quietly growing beneath the surface reaches its moment of fullness.

Astrologically, this full moon rises in Sagittarius — the seeker, the truth-teller, the horizon-walker. It invites us to look honestly at what’s come to completion, what beliefs or burdens are ready to be shed, and where our deeper alignment is calling us next.

This isn’t a moon for force or striving.
It’s a moon for tuning in.
For honouring what is quietly asking to be released.

What truth is ripening in you?
What’s ready to fall from the branch, and nourish something new?

This full moon, I’ll be tending the fire of stillness. Dream-listening. Letting the symbols speak.

The Moon, the Body, and the Emotional Landscape

Have you ever noticed your emotions rising to the surface, your sleep thinning, or your dreams becoming more vivid as the full moon draws near?

You’re not alone.

The moon governs the tides. And just as the ocean swells under her pull, so too, many of us feel subtle — or not-so-subtle — waves rising within. Our emotional waters stir. Our subconscious speaks more loudly. Our nervous systems become more sensitive.

Across cultures, the moon has long been associated with the Divine Feminine — intuitive, cyclical, nurturing. In some Indigenous traditions, a woman’s menstrual cycle was known as her “moon time,” often syncing with the full moon. During this phase, women would retreat to Moon Lodges to rest, to dream, and to replenish — a space of reverence, not retreat.

Today, many of us have lost that rhythm. We’re encouraged to override our cycles — to push through, to stay productive, to disconnect from the body’s quiet wisdom.

Yet the body, like the Earth, keeps time. And the moon still speaks.

“There is a tide in the affairs of men…”
Shakespeare wrote — and perhaps he was more literal than we’ve realised.

Science Catches Up with the Moon

Modern studies are beginning to validate what ancient cultures always knew.

A 2021 study in Science Advances found that people — even in urban settings — tend to fall asleep later and sleep less in the days leading up to the full moon, suggesting our circadian rhythms are still sensitive to lunar light and gravitational cycles (Casiraghi et al., 2021).

And in Frontiers in Endocrinology, researchers observed that menstrual cycles longer than 27 days may occasionally sync with lunar phases — particularly in women under 35 and in those less exposed to artificial light at night (Helfrich-Förster et al., 2021).

This may explain why, even in our hyper-lit, hyper-busy modern lives, so many of us feel the tug of the moon. It’s not superstition. It’s biological. Emotional. Rhythmic. Real.

A Gentle Invitation

If your sleep has been strange…
If your dreams have been louder…
If your heart feels like it’s carrying more than usual…

You’re not broken. You’re in rhythm.

This full moon, I’m choosing rest over resistance. Listening over logic. Letting the wave move through.
If something has been stirring in your sleep or spirit, I’d love to hear what’s rising for you, too.

– Cheryl O’Connor
Author | Artist | Holistic Counsellor | Social Worker
Exploring where structure meets soul — through law, healing, and symbolic art.

🔍 References

Casiraghi, L., Spiousas, I., Dunster, G. P., McGlothlen, K., Fernandez-Duque, E., Valeggia, C., & de la Iglesia, H. O. (2021). Moonstruck sleep: Synchronization of human sleep with the moon cycle under natural conditions. Science Advances, 7(5), eabe1358. https://doi.org/10.1126/sciadv.abe1358

Helfrich-Förster, C., Monecke, S., Spiousas, I., Hovestadt, T., Mitesser, O., & Wehr, T. A. (2021). Women temporarily synchronize their menstrual cycles with the luminance and gravimetric cycles of the Moon. Science Advances, 7(5), eabe1358. https://doi.org/10.1126/sciadv.abe1358

Note: These two studies were published under the same issue and DOI grouping in Science Advances due to their related chronobiological focus.

© Cheryl O’Connor, 2025. All rights reserved.
Please do not reproduce without permission. Sharing with credit and a link is welcome.

#FullMoon #StrawberryMoon #Dreaming #LunarEnergy #DivineFeminine #Symbolism #MoonWisdom #MoonCycles #ConsciousLiving #Cheoco

Breathe, Feel, Heal: Remembering the Wisdom Within

“Dreamtime visions speak to me of the truth within,

Wisdom, Healing & Knowledge of Self to me they bring,

Helping me to know the true essence of my Soul,

enabling me to consciously experience

I AM …. One with the Whole.”

There is a life force running through all things. Some call it God, Spirit, Nature, Love, or Universal Energy. The name is less important than the feeling it brings and the healing it makes possible. When we remember this force, we begin to remember who we truly are.

For me, this energy first introduced itself through Reiki and later deepened with Seichim—two distinct yet connected frequencies of the same sacred current. Reiki is often associated with the Japanese lineage, while Seichim flows from Ancient Egypt, through the teachings of Sekhem and the energy of the fierce and compassionate goddesses Sekhmet and Kwan Yin.

Where Reiki is the wave flowing in, Seichim is the wave flowing out. Together, they form a complete cycle of energetic restoration.

A Multi-Layered Being

This healing work finds deep resonance with the Anthroposophical perspective of Rudolf Steiner, which sees the human being as a fourfold being:

  • Physical Body: The visible body, a map of our accumulated experiences and emotions.
  • Etheric Body (Energy Body): The life or breath body, responsible for vitality, healing, and rhythm. It thrives on sleep, air, water, nutrition, and nature.
  • Astral Body: The seat of memory and emotion. When the etheric is weakened, the astral can push through into the physical and cause dis-ease.
  • Core Self or “I AM”: The indwelling essence of who we truly are – divine, wise, and whole. This is not a “higher” self-perched on some pedestal, but the deepest truth of our being, right here, embodied. The notion of a “higher” self can often reinforce hierarchical thinking rooted in outdated paradigms. In truth, we are not reaching upward, we are remembering inward.

Further expanded by Barbara Brennan, this system includes seven energetic layers beyond the physical—each interpenetrating the other:

  1. Physical Body
  2. Etheric Body
  3. Emotional Body
  4. Mental Body
  5. Astral Body
  6. Etheric Template
  7. Celestial Body
  8. Ketheric Template

Each is linked to a chakra and vibrates at a unique frequency. Some healers also experience more than the standard seven chakras.

Blockages, Breath and the Map of the Body

In Reiki, Seichim, and Body-Based Counselling alike, imbalance and illness are seen to originate from energetic blockages—areas where life force energy cannot flow due to past trauma, grief, fear, suppressed emotions, or limiting beliefs. These imprints are stored in the subtle layers surrounding and entering the body.

When breath and awareness are consciously brought into these wounded areas, subconscious memories surface, and with them, release. In this process comes healing, insight, and a return to flow.

Brennan observed, “Illness is a result of imbalance, and imbalance is a result of forgetting who you are.” Others such as Baginski and Sharamon see symptoms as messages needing to be heard, accepted, and integrated before true healing can occur.

While approaches like CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) may assist some individuals in reframing thoughts and behaviours, they often stay in the mental realm. Deep transformation, however, often requires feeling, not just thinking. Jamie Sams says to feel is to heal. When emotion is acknowledged and expressed, the energy that has been held or suppressed is free to move again.

The Healing Power of Breath

When our bodies become stressed from pressure or anxiety, the adrenal glands release adrenaline. This hormone increases our heart rate to prepare for a fight-or-flight response. While this is a natural survival mechanism, it has side effects—particularly on the breath.

When we are anxious, our breathing becomes shallow. This reduces oxygen intake and can lead to fatigue, panic attacks, emotional distress, headaches, muscle tension, and even exacerbate conditions like PTSD.

Breath is life. It delivers oxygen to our cells and removes carbon dioxide, a key toxin. You can live without food or water for a time—but without oxygen, only minutes. Breath is also how we move life force energy. When pain is present, intentional breath can ease it. As infants and children, we naturally breathed into our bellies. But over time, many of us begin to breathe only into the upper chest, especially under stress.

Chest breathing results in irregular, rapid breaths. This reduces oxygen flow and limits the body’s ability to exhale toxins. The result? Fatigue, anxiety, and disconnection. The good news is: this pattern can be unlearned.

The Benefits of Cyclic Deep Breathing

  • Stimulates the lymphatic system, aiding detox and healing.
  • Strengthens immunity by supporting the body’s self-healing capacity.
  • Balances brain hemispheres and calms the nervous system.
  • Reduces anxiety and helps regulate emotional response.
  • Can be practiced anywhere, at any time, with no tools required.

A Gentle Word on Limitations

If you have asthma or another respiratory condition, cyclic breathing may not be appropriate. Please seek medical advice before practicing.

What Is Cyclic Breathing?

Cyclic breathing is a technique to calm the body and mind during times of stress, anxiety, or fear. One simple and accessible method is based on the Ho‘oponopono rhythm:

  1. Sit comfortably, feet on the ground. Place your hands on your lap or your belly.
  2. Notice your breath, just as it is.
  3. Then begin to breathe in for a count of seven.
  4. Hold for a count of seven.
  5. Exhale for a count of seven.
  6. Hold again for seven.

This is one round. Repeat it seven times.

You may also modify the count to suit your capacity. For example:

  • Inhale for 3, hold for 3, exhale for 3, hold for 3.
  • Or: Inhale for 3, hold for 3, exhale for 5, hold for 5.

Breathe slowly and gently, always staying within your comfort zone.

With consistent practice, abdominal breathing becomes natural again. You’ll notice your belly rising and falling as you breathe—just as it did when you were a child.

To support this, try practicing three times a day, or as needed. Repetition is key. Studies suggest it takes around 21 to 30 days to form a new habit. But the benefit is lasting: your body begins to remember the way home.

Enter, Exit, Behold: The Body Speaks

Body-Based Counselling draws on these same principles, using methods that access subconscious information directly through the body. Artistic therapies such as:

  • Clay work
  • Watercolour painting
  • Movement and gesture
  • Colour exploration

These tools bypass the analytical mind. Through simple yet profound methods like Enter, Exit, Behold, clients can step into a bodily sensation or pain, observe what wisdom it carries, and exit with the insight and resource needed for integration, without being overwhelmed or re-traumatised by the original emotion.

This process allows even unspoken or inexpressible emotions to be seen, shaped, and shifted. Pain takes form in clay. Breath is freed through movement. Colour returns to drawings that once looked lifeless. The intangible becomes tangible. Healing begins.

Real Lives, Real Healing

Here are a few examples that reflect the potency of these approaches:

  • A woman preparing for breast surgery received six sessions while also working with a naturopath. Just before the operation, scans revealed that the lumps had vanished.
  • A pregnant woman, leaking fluid after a medical procedure, came to me in a vision asking for help. I sent healing and saw the hole in the sac close. Two weeks later, she had stabilised.
  • A newborn boy with lung issues was hospitalised. After a brief hands-on healing session, he was released the next day. He later grew into a healthy twelve-year-old.
  • I lived with knee pain for seventeen years after a traumatic accident. Following my Reiki and Seichim attunement, I released grief I didn’t even know I was carrying. The pain disappeared.

The Counsellor’s Role

Just like with energy healing, true transformation in counselling comes when the client is ready and willing. The counsellor or practitioner simply creates a safe and sacred space, offers guidance, and teaches tools. But the work, the choice, the healing, comes from within.

Permission is essential. Unless a person asks, the energy cannot flow to them. Healing respects free will. When someone is ready and willing to receive, the field opens. Our role is to hold the space — not to push or fix, but to witness and support.

We do not fix. We empower. We do not impose. We invite.

Signs of Change

Change reveals itself in many ways: a client enters hunched, disconnected, anxious. After the session, they stand taller, breathe deeper, feel lighter. Art becomes more vibrant. Clay forms soften. Colour returns to the canvas. Their posture changes. So does their presence.

That is healing. That is remembering.

“The energy knows the way. All it needs is your yes.”

Video, Phone and Email Consultations Available
www.cheoco.wordpress.com
Email: cheoco99@yahoo.com.au
Microsoft Teams available by arrangement

© Cheryl O’Connor 2025

Images sourced from the internet – sources unknown.

Returning to My Passion After a Long Hiatus: A New Chapter

After seven years away, I’m so pleased to be returning to Dreamwork — a practice that has always held a special place in my heart and soul. While life called me in other directions for a time, the world of dreams, symbolism, and inner landscapes remained a constant, reassuring presence that helped me navigate those years.

During this time, I obtained my Social Work degree, cared for a loved one, and reconnected with my previous career in the legal world. Each of these experiences has continued to shape me, broadened my understanding of human experience, and further deepened my appreciation for the quiet, profound wisdom our dreams offer.

Dreamwork has long been a source of insight, healing, and creative exploration for me and those I’ve worked with. It’s a space where our unconscious speaks in rich images, emotions, and metaphor — and where we can gently unravel meaning, find clarity, and reconnect with parts of ourselves we may have forgotten.

Returning to this practice and sharing dream wisdom feels like coming home. With new skills, fresh perspectives, and a deepened sense of empathy, I am excited to be offering Dreamwork sessions once again, both for those new to exploring their dreams and for those looking to pick up where they may have left off. I am once again available to work with individuals through online consultations via email, phone or Microsoft Teams. Whether you’re looking to explore recurring dreams, uncover deeper meanings, or simply gain clarity from your inner landscape, I would be honoured to assist you in your transformative process.

Thank you for your support, your encouragement, and your presence. I look forward to seeing what this next chapter of Dreamwork holds for all of us.

#Dreamwork #SocialWork #ProfessionalGrowth #Healing #PersonalDevelopment #DreamExploration

Coming into One’s Own Power

Last week I shared some of the wisdom to be garnered from Dreams if we have obtained the knowledge and skills to use their guidance.  This week the story continues by illustrating just how powerful dreams can be in relation to uncovering the depth of a situation, assisting us to shed and heal conditioned patterns of behaviour we can repeatedly subconsciously attract to us, whilst also transforming our reactive behaviours into responses.

In Dreaming, a male I have known for over a decade approaches me, he has a blonde woman with him. I know they are here to tell me they are wanting to be together, and then he says so.  He appears intoxicated as a consequence of either alcohol or perhaps some type of drugs. It is obvious he is not thinking or acting clearly in his normally lucid non-reactive, kind and empathetic manner.  His aggressiveness in this situation creates a huge argument between us, the first ever, and to end it as I have no time or energy for arguing with anyone, I tell him that’s fine, off you go then, but don’t say I haven’t warned you about the woman you are choosing to involve yourself with. 

Then the woman in the dream is suddenly holding both my wrists and will not let go.  I feel infuriation at this violation and bondage.  I start screaming at her, using expletives, to let go of my wrists.  I struggle with her and eventually break free.  Her grip had been tight and left its’ mark.  Having freed myself, I am right in her face, screaming at her that if she EVER does that to me again, I will knock her out cold and kick her arse to the kerb.  I can’t recall feeling so enraged and explosive, in a very long time.

The scene shifts and I am now in “Observer Mode”.  My awareness is looking at the scene of the three of us. Paths appear, one to my left and one to my right.  The left leads towards a dark, murky, icky feeling place and the right to a space of brightness, vibrancy, colour, peace and love.  My friend and this woman take the left path together and as I am deciding which path I will take, the lines from Stairway to Heaven,

“Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
There’s still time to change the road you’re on”

come to mind.

I do not follow my friend and this woman, for I choose, at that moment, to take the right path and see myself walking away in that direction.

For me left is symbolic of past, of what is needing to be left behind, is coming from the past or what type of behaviour is needing to be let go of if a symbolic aspect of Self moves in that direction.  Right is future and forward movement because all that yet awaits us is there on our “right” path.

Emerging from this experience, I felt clarity and peace regarding the action I now knew I needed to take, which I previously hadn’t been experiencing. A parting of the ways was coming between this friend and me and it was up to me to cut the ties after a month of retreating and putting together the puzzle pieces.  For the sake of both our continued growth and learning and perhaps even healing purposes, there was nothing more of value, for now, we could bring into each other’s lives. I knew whatever now awaited both of us, I would need some alone time and ultimately, we would both need different people in our lives to accomplish it with.  If subconsciously, or perhaps consciously, the obnoxious manner in which I felt I had been treated, was being done deliberately to push me away it was working effectively but it really was not necessary. An honest conversation would have been much more preferable but that is how he appeared to be choosing to deal with it. 

The dream’s messages and what this waking reality was showing me revealed that once again I was dealing with masculine energy I had been attracting since childhood. It was exactly the same energy as my two main male role models had been, unavailable in one form or another and/or abusive and disrespectful.  The woman symbolised the part of me who had been holding me back, keeping me feeling loyal to my friend and hopeful of the various things we had discussed we would like to do together, which never came to pass. Synchronicity began coming into play also with numbers and other symbols/signs that were coming my way.  The final confirmation arrived when I heard the song “Time to move on”, by Tom Petty, for the first time. 

The path before me was clear as were the underlying reasons for my friend’s behaviour.  The gift they were freely giving me was that I was in yet another, and I highly suspect and hope the last, process of freeing myself from this unfulfilling energy that I had always given my all to where others were concerned and in return I would be ultimately shocked by their behaviour, brought down, abused and held back.  

Events then occurred which showed me clearly those who try to fool me, only truly fool themselves as all I had intuitively known, came to pass.  I cannot say the process was painless, even though I acted swiftly, not dissimilar to the Queen of Swords energy in the Tarot, once I knew the time was right to state my intention to walk away and leave the pair of them to it.  So whilst my friend was busy reactively blowing up long-standing bridges to smithereens with myself and my family, thanks to my inner guidance and wisdom, I was able to fully grieve the loss of this longstanding friendship and walk away calmly, with peace and acceptance, grace, integrity and gratitude, taking many beautiful and funny memories with me. 

The only permanent aspect of life is impermanence and when I know intuitively, something is going on that just doesn’t make any logical sense I take extra notice of what my dreams are telling me. If I need to make a change in my life, regardless of how painful I know it will be for me, I will do so because if I don’t, I am just putting off the inevitable.  It’s a futile exercise and a total waste of what precious little time I have left of my life, as it just creates more pain and suffering for myself and others, the longer I put it off.  If I delay for too long, life situations will arise that historically have made the situation even worse, created very unpleasant memories, some of which have been traumatic and are akin to a Universal kick up the backside or clip around the ear, in order to keep me moving, changing, growing, learning and evolving.

The past six months or so have been ones of great change where my intrinsic values and boundaries of how I want to be treated by others have become a lot clearer and firmer. Many folk have fallen by the wayside as a result and the dynamics in some other relationships has also altered for the better.  To those who did fall by the wayside I wish you all well and am grateful for all the known and unknown love and support you have gifted me with, in my journey towards stepping back into my own power more fully after three decades, so far, of healing from the abusive and dishonest and unkind behaviour, I had been attracting most of my life, until recently, in one form or another.  Inner growth: It never stops.

© Cheryl O’Connor, February 2020.

THE WISDOM HIDDEN IN FAIRY TALES

More Than Bedtime Stories

Most people think of fairy tales as sweet bedtime stories for children, pleasant little fables to pass the time before sleep. But when we look beneath the surface, their layers of meaning open like a map, guiding us through the inner and outer landscapes of our lives.

The Forest and the Journey

In almost every classic tale, the storyline begins the same way: a young soul leaves “home”, sometimes by choice, sometimes by circumstance, and ventures into the wider world. Along the way, they face trials and temptations: witches and wolves, dragons and goblins, wicked stepmothers and treacherous strangers. They may be imprisoned, lost in the forest, or lulled into a deep sleep.

The forest is one of the most enduring symbols in fairy tales. It is not simply scenery, but a living teacher. To enter the dark forest is to step into the unknown, leaving behind the familiar and the safe. It is here that old identities are stripped away, and we must learn to trust a deeper compass of soul. Every shadow and every clearing becomes a guide, showing us that what looks like confusion or danger is also the fertile ground of transformation. Rivers, storms, mountains, and caves serve the same role, thresholds that reshape us if we dare to enter.

Yet, just as often, help arrives, through animals, elemental beings, wise old helpers, or mysterious friends. And when they finally “return home,” they are not the same as when they left. For home is not a physical place at all, it is a return to one’s true self. The journey strips us bare, tests our faith, and teaches us who we really are.

It is important to remember these stories were never meant to be harmless diversions. Long before they were bound in books, fairy tales lived as oral traditions, told around firesides to transmit wisdom, warnings, and hope. They were teaching maps, guiding communities through danger, instinct, resilience, and transformation.

Villains, Helpers and Thresholds

And those so-called “villains”? I do not see them as villains at all. Patriarchy turned them into shadows, wolves, witches, dragons, fearsome figures to frighten us away from their power. But really, it is our own power they mirror back to us: instinct, intuition, raw life force, and the ability to transform. When we meet these figures within, we reclaim parts of ourselves long suppressed. The Witch becomes the Crone, carrying wisdom for thresholds and endings. The Wolf becomes a fierce protector of boundaries. And the Dragon? The Dragon is the guardian of our own inner treasure and power, waiting for us to grow strong enough to step forward and claim it.

Fairy tales also remind us of endings. Sometimes people leave our lives through choice, distance, or even death. As painful as this is, symbolically it may reflect a deeper truth: their energy is no longer aligned with where we are on our journey. In this way, every loss is also a threshold, one that asks us to meet more of ourselves, to grow into new awareness, and to walk forward carrying what was true in love.

Fairy tales remind us too that help often comes in overlooked forms. A talking bird, a humble servant, or a creature of the wild may hold the key to survival. The “simpleton,” mocked for being foolish, is often the one who succeeds where others fail, precisely because they trust what is small, quiet, or easily dismissed. These tales teach us that wisdom rarely arrives dressed in the power we expect. It slips in through the ordinary, reminding us that the sacred hides in plain sight.

Windows, Mirrors and Doorways

Windows, mirrors, and doorways are some of the ways life shows us these Selves. A window may let us see through to where another is truly coming from or reflect ourselves back depending on the angle of light. A mirror shows us our own reflection, sometimes sharply, sometimes kindly. And a doorway? That is the threshold another offers us into a new awareness. Often, whatever we see in another exists within us too, otherwise how could we see it? Some mirror to us where we are presently at and others where we have been at some point in time. Often, in any one interaction, all three roles are present at once. These are not accidents, they are guides.

The True Happily Ever After

Just like the characters in these tales, many of us spend years searching outside ourselves for happiness. We might long for “one true love” to sweep us away, believing they will complete us. And for a while, it might feel like they do. But no matter how romantic the promise, no person can be our everything, especially when we have yet to become that for ourselves.

This is where so many of us misunderstood the “happily ever after.” Disney did not exactly sell us a lie, rather, our culture mistranslated the deeper truth. Long before Disney, the tales themselves were pointing inward. The Prince and Princess were never really about someone else rescuing us. They are symbols of our own inner masculine and feminine. But growing up in a patriarchal system, we were taught to externalise everything: happiness, success, love, even salvation. No wonder so many felt or feel disillusioned when the promise did not hold.

When we look symbolically, the “kiss” that wakes the sleeping one is not about romance at all. It is about awakening, when our masculine energy of logic and clarity meets our feminine energy of intuition and creativity. In that inner union, something comes alive. Balance is restored. We no longer need someone else to complete us, though we may share life with another from a place of wholeness. This is the true happily ever after.

Every fairy tale also carries the rhythm of life itself, descent and return, death and rebirth, endings and beginnings. Sleeping Beauty is not just about a princess in slumber; it is about the necessity of rest and renewal before awakening to new life. Snow White’s glass coffin mirrors the suspended state we sometimes find ourselves in, when part of us has died but the rebirth has not yet arrived. To live consciously is to honour these cycles rather than resist them, recognising that every ending makes space for a new beginning.

The Hero Has Always Been Us

At the heart of it all, every fairy tale whispers the same truth: the hero has always been us. The dangers, helpers, and transformations we read about are mirrors of our own trials and triumphs. The quest is not about rescuing or being rescued, it is about remembering who we truly are. And in the end, to “return home” is to return to that true self, whole, awake, and fully alive.

When a child asks for a story, it may be the soul’s way of speaking, theirs, and yours. Children often choose the very tale that carries the medicine both need to hear. A bedtime request can be far more than whimsy; it can be a mirror of the family’s journey, a whisper of what the soul is trying to surface. In this way, our children become our teachers, reminding us of the truths we may have forgotten.

But we cannot hear these truths if our minds are always noisy. When we chatter constantly, whether in our heads or with our mouths, we block the whispers of Soul and nature wisdom. We need stillness. We need silence. As the saying goes: “When we speak, we only repeat what we know. When we listen, we may learn something new.”

For all of us, no matter our profession or path, this symbolic lens matters. We may find ourselves trapped in a “sleeping spell” of grief, stalked by a “wolf” of fear, or longing for the “helper” who reminds us of our strength and true nature. Fairy tales can be bridges, helping us name our inner landscapes in ways that ordinary language cannot.

The original tales of the Brothers Grimm or Hans Christian Andersen hold far more than quaint moral lessons. They speak to the courage, faith, and trust needed to walk through life’s dark forests and return with wisdom. And they remind us that when a child asks for a certain story, it may be speaking directly to your soul as much as theirs, holding a mirror to where you are on your own journey.

After all, the so-called “real world” is itself the greatest fairy tale of all, an unfolding adventure, full of shadows and helpers, mirrors and doorways, dragons and wolves, Crone wisdom and childlike wonder. And the ending? Well, that is always up to us.

•´☾☆☽`•

✨ Reflective Questions

  • Which “villain” or shadow figure, Wolf, Witch, Dragon, feels most alive for you right now? What part of your own power might they be guarding?

  • When was the last time you found yourself standing at a symbolic window, mirror, or doorway? What did it show you about yourself?

  • In what ways are you seeking “happily ever after” outside yourself, and how might you turn inward to find it instead?

  • Where in your life could stillness or silence help you hear what the story of your own soul is trying to say?

  • As the hero has always been you, what chapter of your journey are you living through right now?

•´☾☆☽`•

📚 Recommended Reading

On the Feminine, the Crone, and Women’s Stories

  • Women Who Run with the Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estés

  • Crones Don’t Whine: Concentrated Wisdom for Juicy Women, Jean Shinoda Bolen

  • The Crone: Woman of Age, Wisdom, and Power, Barbara G. Walker

On the Masculine & Feminine Archetypes

  • King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine, Robert Moore & Douglas Gillette

  • The Heroine’s Journey, Maureen Murdock (a counterpart to Campbell’s Hero’s Journey)

  • The Dance of the Dissident Daughter, Sue Monk Kidd

On Fairy Tales & Symbolism

  • The Uses of Enchantment: The Meaning and Importance of Fairy Tales, Bruno Bettelheim

  • Iron John: A Book About Men, Robert Bly (draws from Grimm’s tales)

  • Baba Yaga’s Assistant, Marika McCoola (a modern take on the old witch archetype)

On Myth, Archetypes & Shadow Work

  • Man and His Symbols, Carl Jung

  • Owning Your Own Shadow: Understanding the Dark Side of the Psyche, Robert A. Johnson

  • The Hero with a Thousand Faces, Joseph Campbell

On Dragons, Treasure, and Inner Power

  • Facing the Dragon: Confronting Personal and Spiritual Grandiosity, Robert L. Moore

  • The Dragon’s Treasure: A Dreamer’s Guide to Inner Discovery, Tian Dayton

  • The Book of Dragons, Edith Nesbit (for a lighter, symbolic entry point)

On Silence, Listening & Stillness

  • The Sacred Embrace of Listening, Kay Lindahl

  • Silence: The Power of Quiet in a World Full of Noise, Thich Nhat Hanh

  • The Wisdom of the Enneagram, Don Richard Riso & Russ Hudson (includes silence as a transformative practice)

© Cheryl O’Connor, 1995, 2014 and 2025. All rights reserved.
Please do not reproduce without permission. Sharing with credit and a link is welcome.

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