Personal Development

ADDICTION FROM A SHAMANIC VIEWPOINT

It is becoming clearer to many that addiction is a disease or illness, not a choice we consciously make that we should be punished for. God knows we punish ourselves and suffer enough in this life without “society” and law makers punishing us further simply because we are not well. A very long time ago I read that all disease could be seen as dis-ease i.e. not being at ease or at peace with ourselves. So is addiction to anything actually really just dis-ease? The roots of which lay in learned behaviour?

Addiction is, from my perception, certainly a symptom of a far deeper cause than that which lays on the behavioural, psychological and physiological surface.  Western medicine primarily always looks at symptoms and what can be seen, attempts to treat that solely usually with chemicals or surgery and rarely does it look for causes that to the naked or microscopic eye are unseen. Yet when we find and heal cause within ourselves of physical symptoms, dis-ease, or behaviour we do not find acceptable, would like to not be experiencing or are subconsciously participating in, the symptoms just simply no longer exist. From birth we are taught to seek outside ourselves for what we need to make us feel good – love, encouragement, nurturing, guidance, cuddles, belief in ourselves etc.

As the child of an alcoholic step-father and cigarette smoking mother their addictions became learned behaviour for me so it stood to reason that as they were the two main ways in which I was shown adults behaved and coped with whatever they were trying to cope with, that I would naturally follow in their footsteps. As a teenager from about 14 onwards after a rape situation occurred I began to consume cigarettes. Not long after when I left home due to the situation I was living in there, I began to consume alcohol and drugs to the point I damn near killed myself. Surviving on little food, drugs, cigarettes, coffee and alcohol was not at all healthy, nor was it a good mix, reducing my weight so dramatically after six months, the only clothes I could wear were size 16 children’s clothing and I was so unwell that not even my own mother recognised me.

I didn’t feel that anyone cared about me, so why should I care? What did it really matter whether I lived or not? All I wanted to do was have a good time and feel better. I did not want, at all, to feel the pain and sadness of not feeling loved, cared for, cared about or understood, of being hit, yelled at, controlled, nor the fear of the alcoholic induced, often physical, arguments and abuse I had been living with since about 6 years of age on a regular and totally unpredictable basis.

To say I, like so many people in this world, grew up in a dysfunctional environment is putting it mildly. My consumption of alcohol, drugs and cigarettes lessened for a short while after another whose love for me quite literally saved my life by showing me they were the only person in my life who did care which gave me the gift of hope and I once again started ingesting regular meals.   I then slid back into copious ingesting of drugs, alcohol and cigarettes whenever I got the opportunity to do so after I was involved in a fatal car accident at 17 in which the young man I had been living with for six months was killed. Back in those days there was no counselling available like there is now.

There was also no funeral and no grave for this young man who lost his life to a drunk driver at only 23 years of age. I was seriously injured and it took a good six months for me to learn how to walk again. The only words I heard at the time from my step-father were “Write down how much pain you are in each day so we can get more money.” The only people in my family who even said they were sorry I had been injured and this young man had died was my mother and one of my step-brothers.   For everyone else in my immediate circle it seemed to me to be a case of suck it up buttercup and just get on with your life.

Drugs, cigarettes and alcohol became my friends, they numbed me from feeling all that was going on inside me. They distracted me and they became my “pain killers”, my “feel good medicine” of choice because I simply had no knowledge of other coping skills I could utilise. The catch being, as all addicts know, is that once we start down this path our brains and our bodies tell us we need more and more “feel good medicine” and “pain killers” to maintain that feel good state of being, to actually cope and survive, to not feel all that pain, anger, grief and sadness living within us that is so very real and raw and it is a very slippery slope we travel until eventually we either kill our bodies or our lives fall apart so badly we hit rock bottom.

We have two choices if we actually do survive and hit rock bottom, continue as we have done and physically die, or trawl the depths and start to bounce back from what feels like the bottomless black hole we have been sucked into that also very much feels like a literal hell or nightmare there often seems to be no escaping from.   Thankfully I was one who chose to trawl the depths and bounce back when in 1992 at 28 I was again faced with my own impending physical death.

What I came to understand as I started to walk the path of the Shaman which was a path that at the time I had no clue I was even walking, was that I, like so many other folk in this world, was actually experiencing what in Shamanic terms is known as Soul loss.

Soul loss can best be described as us becoming like the walking dead, merely surviving, not living and thriving as was intended, simply because who we truly are is not fully present in our bodies.  Parts of us that have not wanted to feel grief, trauma, fear, shock, loss or pain have fragmented off into the subconscious abyss and in very simple terms it is like we are not fully at home in our bodies when we are ingesting substances or distracting ourselves with addictive behaviours or by external means in order to make us feel better or not feel our pain. It is literally like we have huge energetic holes in us, great gaping wounds that we defend, need others to fill, or don’t want to feel the pain of because they are so raw and we are so very vulnerable.

These energetic holes we have, we attempt to fill with external substances or means which consequentially then just make our bodies and our minds very sick indeed. We behave in ways not previously known to us once we start on the road of addiction and it is also not behaviour that those close to us know from us as being “normal”. How many times does the drunken or high person just not seem to be themselves? It is like we become totally different people, often aggressive, angry, totally uncaring and hurtful towards others simply because we are hurting and we just don’t give a damn. We become harmful to ourselves and others and we often have absolutely no memory the next day of our behaviour.

Our behaviour however is NOT us, it is a symptom or cover up if you like hiding whatever we have experienced or been conditioned to believe. How many times does the drunken or drugged person lash out in Jekyll and Hyde fashion?   You never really know what to expect but you just know that who you know that person to be is no longer present in the body in front of you.   This is because we are definitely NOT ourselves at all. Who we truly are is no longer contained in our bodies. What primarily happens with ingesting alcohol and drugs is that when who we truly are checks out of our bodies it’s like an empty house and other “darker” energies with perhaps not so good intentions take over.   This may seem like a very strange and far-fetched concept to many but perhaps for those who have lived it, seen it in others, you will know precisely what I am referring to.

So… how do we heal these gaps and holes we try to fill by external means? How do we stop this happening? How do we change our behaviour? How do we become fully present in our bodies and become whole, well and healthy again?   There is only one way I personally found and that was firstly to make a decision I didn’t want to be that way any longer given that I was so out of control at times, often very re-active, aggressive, defensive, angry, miserable, depressed and more times than not, suicidal.

I did not do the whole re-hab thing, nor did I do AA or have any other types of support in place similar to those, I just said enough when I was faced with my own impending physical death, for the fear of death at 28, which I no longer carry, put the wind up me, literally, and I prayed like I had never prayed in my life prior to be free of it all and to feel nothing but peace, love and acceptance within me.

What ensued was 10 solid years of feeling ever so much grief, trauma, pain, confusion and sadness as I firstly turned to alternative therapies to help heal my body because all the doctors I saw over a six month period all said there was nothing wrong with me – here have some Prozac, meanwhile my body was shutting down more and more each day.   I uncovered and discovered all my physical symptoms were due to constant abuse and unfelt emotions, which I also discovered did not just come from this lifetime but past lifetime experiences as well, all of which had resulted in symptoms associated with having a blocked small intestine and kidneys that were barely working.

I trusted all I was drawn to and underwent attunement to Reiki/Seichim, learnt how to work with my dreams, attended many courses, began walking, meditations and yoga, ate better, studied for two Diplomas in Counselling, one Holistic, one standard that also included some alternative modalities. I read all I could get my hands on, discovering along the way many fragmented parts of me, along with many gifts and skills I never even knew existed within me. Gradually my addictions abated but always there is work to be done.

Physical pains were always linked in with emotional pain, the true cause and source of which came to me either via dreaming or during meditations (which is really the same state of consciousness) and it truly was only in the fully feeling of ALL the emotions that bubbled up from within me and by integrating/re-membering i.e. bringing into being, the fragmented parts of me I re-connected with in The Dreaming, that eventually there was peace. I came to see that time did not exist as we know it to exist, that past definitely has an impact on the present until we heal it by fully feeling it and releasing it (shutting the door on it and just saying past is past, forget it and get on with your life, simply does not work) and that the emotions which came with memories or in the dreaming, meditations etc., were just energy passing through.

Rather than numbing those emotions, once felt and released, with each and every process of integration and release, a strength, love, acceptance, understanding and peace began filling me up like nothing I had ever experienced before. There is an old saying you may have heard of – The cup must be emptied before it can be filled.   This was certainly the case for me and I began to live by the motto which Jamie Sams brought into the world “To feel is to heal.”

Emotional pain is the LAST thing any of us want to feel – we do everything we can to avoid it yet it is only in feeling it, that we truly do heal it and are free of it. Was it easy work?   Definitely not.   Was it lonely work? It certainly was. Was it worth it? Without a doubt. For I learnt the hard way that no matter what I chose to ingest that was external to me, no matter how much I sought love and acceptance externally from others, no matter what I did to feel “better”, and no matter how “strong” I had been to just carry on Columbus and survive it all, the real strength came when I turned fully inward to find, eventually, all I needed was already inside me for me the love, peace, wisdom, knowing and acceptance I was seeking only came when I paid attention to what my dreams and daily life were showing me and what my memories and emotions were telling me about myself and about life. As I uncovered who I truly was I also discovered there would never be a need again for me to re-cover my Self.

To free ourselves from addiction is a huge undertaking as there is so much in this world we can become attached and addicted to. It is however achievable if we have the courage, faith and trust needed to turn inward, face our fears, grief, pain and trauma, feel it all fully and be free of it once and for all. Many of us are so busy telling our stories, which whilst important, does not enable us to actually feel the emotion contained in those stories for our stories come from our heads.

No-one can do this work for us, it is something we all must do for ourselves for it is only in doing for Self that we become more Self-aware, more Self responsible, heal and become more Self empowered. It is not at all selfish to do this work for it brings about self-centeredness, balance, peace, love, acceptance, respect for all life and an awareness of our wholeness with all life, like nothing else we have ever experienced can, all of which is then reflected back to us in the world.

The choice whether we do this work or not is entirely ours to make. We can keep going as we have been or we can quite literally turn our whole world and reality around by coming from the inside out and in doing so move out of the nightmare of externalism, blame, victim mentality, attack, defence and addiction.

Much love and peace to all.

Cheers, Cheryl.

Copyright. C. O’Connor.

Grab your free copy of my Dreamwork Booklet at http://bit.ly/CheocoNews when you sign up for my monthly Newsletter.

*´☾☆☽`*•

#Cheryl O’Connor.
#Holistic #Counsellor, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.
* Creative & Artistic Therapies.
* Specialising in #Dream #Analysis/#Conscious #Dreaming & #Shamanic Journeying.
* #Reiki/#Seichim Treatments & Attunements.
* Isis #Meditation.

Website @ http://www.cheocoenterprises.com

My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available – bit.ly/Cheocoshop

Facebook: http://bit.ly/FBCheoco
Online Shop: http://bit.ly/Cheocoshop
LinkedIn: http://bit.ly/linkedincheryloconnor
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Proud member of The Wellness Universe: www.thewellnessuniverse.com #WUVIP

Image credit: Pixabay.

MY UPCOMING RADIO INTERVIEW WITH COREY POIRIER – THIS WEEK!

I’ve been invited by Corey Poirier – Award Winning Speaker, International Best Selling Author and TEDx Featured Thought Leader to be interviewed this Thursday, 3pm EST, 4:00pm – 5:00pm in UTC-03 on his Conversations with Passion Radio Show which will be airing a special LIVE episode where he will talk about the brand new THRIVING book and will welcome members of the thriving Wellness Universe to the show to talk about purpose, passion, creating content, impacting lives, and more.

You can listen in on Thursday at the applicable link = http://www.blogtalkradio.com/conversationswithpassion/2015/07/02/conversations-with-passion-meets-wellness-universe-meets-thriving

For folk in Australia this will be happening LIVE on Friday morning at 5am.

Guests will include Wellness Universe Members Heather Lang, Phoenix Ivey Sierra, Cheryl O’Connor, Robert Clancy, Beth Bracaglio and Di Riseborough.  For those of you in Australia this will be happening on Friday at 5am.

Huge thank you to The Wellness Universe and Corey Poirier – looking forward to chatting with Corey. Whoo hooo, yee haa and high five all round 🙂 Yes I am excited, can you tell?

Cheers, C.

Image: Copyright Corey Poirier.

Is “Constructive Criticism” really Constructive ?

One of the most common human behaviours I am privy to not only where others are concerned but within myself over the years and still even now it slips in at times despite my best conscious efforts not to go there, is that of being critical.

It’s SO easy to be critical because that is our conditioning. It astounds me that we actually have an economic industry of “critics” who get paid to go and see, listen to, or experience others creative endeavours and “critique” them which they then feel it necessary to publish. If the creative persons interpretation of something they have gone to experience isn’t in line with the critics perception – too bad so sad they receive a “bad” review that ripples out to others and has a domino effect which can limit severely the amount of folk who go and see or experience it for themselves and decide whether they enjoy it or not, based purely on what someone else says. It is also often the case that many who are standing in the wings and not even involving themselves in something or aren’t even aware of what is REALLY going on, on the stage, take it upon themselves to be critical of what the ones on the stage are doing, in all areas of life. Yet we all perceive and do things differently.

Just watch any group of people for e.g. in an art class – all can be looking at the same tree which they are to paint and yet every single painting each creates will be totally different not only to the tree given as an example, but to each others trees. How truly miraculous is that?! Yet so often in so many situations another will say no that’s not how you do it, you “NEED” to do it this way. How so and who says so?

Everything we do is an act of unique creation so how can it be that we have fallen into this trap of being so critical and judgmental? We seem to live in a society that is full of competition and judgement which starts not long after birth. It’s rampant in our schools, in politics, in sports, in workplaces, it’s persistent in those “Women’s” magazines where celebrities are criticised for just about everything from wearing a pair of track pants out to the local shop to having their hair done a certain way. In more recent times on television screens and other media it is also rampant by way of “reality” shows where folk compete against each other to reach a temporary status of “winner” and being labelled “the best”. The label being given to them by “judges” who are really only just sharing their perception of another’s “performance” in a given moment. Yet that perception in that moment of being “judged” can absolutely crush another’s dream and devastate the person who isn’t given the label of “the winner.”

It’s so often the case that if folk don’t do things the way we think they should be done or how we ourselves would do them rarely do we stop to ask questions. Instead, out of our heads and mouths, usually automatically, will come all sorts of “stuff” that is judgmental and critical which perhaps whilst not consciously meaning to do harm, does – just like the critic who published their opinion.

This has been disguised to make it more palatable in recent times by being labelled “constructive criticism”. I personally don’t understand how any criticism is “constructive” – giving and receiving honest and respectful feedback however is a totally different ball game. Words float around all the time about not judging others, about “loving” and accepting yourself and others as they are and hey if those others are rattling your cage with a big stick no worries just shrug it off and walk away – not always that easy though is it?

Phrases have long been within the minds of humanity along the lines of – Don’t judge another lest you be judged; Don’t be so busy pulling the splinter out of someone else’s eye that you can’t see the lump of wood in your own; People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones; Let he who is without sin cast the first stone; He who points a finger at another will find three pointing back at him, and on it goes.

When people bring forth their best endeavours, ideas and passions to create a more peaceful, love filled, tolerant and respectful world for all, they have often landed up being persecuted, imprisoned, harshly criticised or dead for their efforts for what they are doing or saying. Why? Have we all really become so arrogant as to think that there is only one way to see or do something, our way? Further down the track when it is often way too late, others begin to see what the person was doing and saying with more clarity and then those who were working solidly to create change are treated as heroes, legends or saints.

Sadly they are often no longer even alive by the time the rest of society catches up. It’s often the case that a person or people with “vision” will see much that others clearly do not yet see and due to their passion to manifest that “vision” they run with it whole heartedly, only to be continually met by others trying to pick to pieces what they are doing. What exactly does that achieve I wonder, besides perhaps maybe making the picker feel good about themselves in some bizarre way, like they are “better” than the one who has gotten off their butt, stopped whinging about a situation, and is actually doing something to change that situation for the better, not just for themselves but more importantly for others.

On the flipside to this we have all this information and push occurring about not bullying, teamwork, collaboration etc., and yet many of the so-called political “leaders” in this world are still coming out of the mental and emotional framework of Ego, criticism, one upmanship, bullying tactics, abuse and judgement even though we are given examples time and time again of what actually happens when we ALL work together to achieve something. Is that I wonder part of the reason why “natural disasters” occur, so that we can more consciously become aware of the part of our nature that is supportive, kind, empathetic, loving and compassionate? Collaboration NOT competition will get us ALL wherever we are wanting to go way faster than if we spend our time and energy constantly being judgemental and critical of what others in this world are doing and bickering amongst ourselves about whatever.

Someone close to me has a beautiful expression they often use which I love – The world would be a better place if everyone minded their own business. This person does not mean that we should not care about each other or support each other, they mean that each and every person (unless they are incapacitated in some way) is fully capable of doing whatever it is they need to do for themselves and that we would all live in a better world if we were ALL working together and supporting each other, not wasting our precious time and lives in these temporary physical bodies, trying to tear others down whilst our Egos climb whatever ladder to success they decide to climb, ripping people off or ripping them to shreds, gossiping, judging, undermining and criticising them, telling them they are “wrong” or giving them “advice” when it hasn’t even been asked for.

This person is also referring to those situations where we are doing something and another comes along and takes over because in the other’s eyes we are not doing “it” right. They are of the opinion that this unintentionally diminishes the person who was doing it their own way and shows disrespect. Quite simply humanity has created the present mess in this world, no-one else, and no-one is coming to “save” us, or the planet. The Politicians don’t give a hoot for they cannot see what many of us can clearly see and we are ALL simply just going to have to pull our big girl and boy knickers up clear out our own muck and heal our wounds, so we stop projecting it all onto others if we want anything at all to change.

The time of separation – of you, me, us, them, right, wrong, greed, slavery to jobs that just create nothing but stress and sickness to all life on this planet is coming to an end. Honestly can you actually even begin to imagine how much more we would ALL achieve in this world if the amount of time, money and energy we spent on sticking our noses into other folks business, being critical and judgemental, bickering or gossiping about this, that and the other was actually spent on creating the type of world we not only want to live in but pass on to our children and grandchildren?

It has always been said that our children are our future and whilst I was a child I really didn’t have a say in the future I would be living in. I was often told by my Grandfather though you can achieve anything you want to in this world and so far all I have set out to achieve I have accomplished but there is still more, so much more I want to achieve. Now that I am living in the future I was told about as a child, as a mature aged woman, it is not at all the future I envisioned it could be but I can have a say now and I am so very passionate and driven about doing everything in my power, by collaborating, not competing with others, via The Wellness Universe, other initiatives and with folk who are near and dear to me, to assist in creating the future I did envision as a child that I want to pass on to my children and grandchildren. A world where there is full collaboration, peace, love, understanding, respect for all life, compassion, gratitude, joy, beauty and creative vision and as John Lennon once said, “You may say I’m a Dreamer but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us and the world will BE as one”.

I may never get to see a world like the one I envision but that doesn’t mean for a second I can’t and won’t do whatever I can to help create it. We are ALL in this world together regardless of our social status, gender, sexual preferences, financial situation, religion or religious beliefs, varying skin colours, ages etc., It doesn’t matter diddly squat what job we do that we label with a name or how well known or not known we are in the world, and for the sake of all the children, grandchildren and generations yet to come into this world, I truly do hope and yes I even pray (even though I am not for once second “religious”) that we ALL start spending way more time collaborating and supporting each other to create a better world than the one we have been left with by those who came before us, than we have been and often do spend criticising and judging each other.
Cheers, C.

Copyright. C. O’Connor.

Grab your free copy of my Dreamwork Booklet at http://bit.ly/CheocoNews when you sign up for my monthly Newsletter.

*´☾☆☽`*•

#Cheryl O’Connor.
#Holistic #Counsellor, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.
* Creative & Artistic Therapies.
* Specialising in #Dream #Analysis/#Conscious #Dreaming & #Shamanic Journeying.
* #Reiki/#Seichim Treatments & Attunements.
* Isis #Meditation.

Website @ http://www.cheocoenterprises.com

My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available – bit.ly/Cheocoshop

Facebook: http://bit.ly/FBCheoco
Online Shop: http://bit.ly/Cheocoshop
LinkedIn: http://bit.ly/linkedincheryloconnor
Pinterest: http://bit.ly/pinterestcheryloconnor
Google+: http://bit.ly/Googlepluscheryloconnor

Proud member of The Wellness Universe: www.thewellnessuniverse.com #WUVIP

Image credit: Pixabay.

A FREE GIFT FOR YOU!

BIG NEWS FOLKS – hence the caps. 🙂

Ok, so today is the day that Corey Poirier is releasing his first e-book, Thriving, after 7 traditional (including two bestsellers) books.

The book is based on 3000+ interviews that he has personally conducted with many of the world’s top enlightened super-achievers; such as Jack Canfield, John Gray, Chalene Johnson, T. Harv Eker, and more – thanks to his top rated Conversations With PASSION! Radio Show.

In the book, for the first time ever in this capacity, he shares the top 5 Success Keys learned during thousands of hours of research. Readers also find direct insights from 101 of the world’s top thought leaders and content creators, as shared during the interviews; including the Wellness Universes’ very own Anna Pereira.

If you would like a copy of his book for FREE it’s simple – just go to bit.ly/CheocoNews and sign up for my monthly Newsletter. In your thank you email you will find the link where you can obtain this very inspiring book. You will also find a link to download my 10 Page Dreamwork Ebooklet designed specifically to assist you to get more in touch with your dreams and ways to work with them as well as synchronicity.

This wonderful free gift from Corey is only available for 30 days – June 8 in the northern hemisphere (June 9 here in Oz) until July 8 (9 here).

The other exciting part of this is that ALL existing Newsletter subscribers will be receiving an email later today with the link for them to obtain this free gift also if they wish to.

Big thanks to Corey for his generosity in providing this gift to all who would like to receive it.

Alone we can only do so much but together we can quite literally change the world.

Have an awesome day folks!  C.

THE WISDOM HIDDEN IN FAIRY TALES

More Than Bedtime Stories

Most people think of fairy tales as sweet bedtime stories for children, pleasant little fables to pass the time before sleep. But when we look beneath the surface, their layers of meaning open like a map, guiding us through the inner and outer landscapes of our lives.

The Forest and the Journey

In almost every classic tale, the storyline begins the same way: a young soul leaves “home”, sometimes by choice, sometimes by circumstance, and ventures into the wider world. Along the way, they face trials and temptations: witches and wolves, dragons and goblins, wicked stepmothers and treacherous strangers. They may be imprisoned, lost in the forest, or lulled into a deep sleep.

The forest is one of the most enduring symbols in fairy tales. It is not simply scenery, but a living teacher. To enter the dark forest is to step into the unknown, leaving behind the familiar and the safe. It is here that old identities are stripped away, and we must learn to trust a deeper compass of soul. Every shadow and every clearing becomes a guide, showing us that what looks like confusion or danger is also the fertile ground of transformation. Rivers, storms, mountains, and caves serve the same role, thresholds that reshape us if we dare to enter.

Yet, just as often, help arrives, through animals, elemental beings, wise old helpers, or mysterious friends. And when they finally “return home,” they are not the same as when they left. For home is not a physical place at all, it is a return to one’s true self. The journey strips us bare, tests our faith, and teaches us who we really are.

It is important to remember these stories were never meant to be harmless diversions. Long before they were bound in books, fairy tales lived as oral traditions, told around firesides to transmit wisdom, warnings, and hope. They were teaching maps, guiding communities through danger, instinct, resilience, and transformation.

Villains, Helpers and Thresholds

And those so-called “villains”? I do not see them as villains at all. Patriarchy turned them into shadows, wolves, witches, dragons, fearsome figures to frighten us away from their power. But really, it is our own power they mirror back to us: instinct, intuition, raw life force, and the ability to transform. When we meet these figures within, we reclaim parts of ourselves long suppressed. The Witch becomes the Crone, carrying wisdom for thresholds and endings. The Wolf becomes a fierce protector of boundaries. And the Dragon? The Dragon is the guardian of our own inner treasure and power, waiting for us to grow strong enough to step forward and claim it.

Fairy tales also remind us of endings. Sometimes people leave our lives through choice, distance, or even death. As painful as this is, symbolically it may reflect a deeper truth: their energy is no longer aligned with where we are on our journey. In this way, every loss is also a threshold, one that asks us to meet more of ourselves, to grow into new awareness, and to walk forward carrying what was true in love.

Fairy tales remind us too that help often comes in overlooked forms. A talking bird, a humble servant, or a creature of the wild may hold the key to survival. The “simpleton,” mocked for being foolish, is often the one who succeeds where others fail, precisely because they trust what is small, quiet, or easily dismissed. These tales teach us that wisdom rarely arrives dressed in the power we expect. It slips in through the ordinary, reminding us that the sacred hides in plain sight.

Windows, Mirrors and Doorways

Windows, mirrors, and doorways are some of the ways life shows us these Selves. A window may let us see through to where another is truly coming from or reflect ourselves back depending on the angle of light. A mirror shows us our own reflection, sometimes sharply, sometimes kindly. And a doorway? That is the threshold another offers us into a new awareness. Often, whatever we see in another exists within us too, otherwise how could we see it? Some mirror to us where we are presently at and others where we have been at some point in time. Often, in any one interaction, all three roles are present at once. These are not accidents, they are guides.

The True Happily Ever After

Just like the characters in these tales, many of us spend years searching outside ourselves for happiness. We might long for “one true love” to sweep us away, believing they will complete us. And for a while, it might feel like they do. But no matter how romantic the promise, no person can be our everything, especially when we have yet to become that for ourselves.

This is where so many of us misunderstood the “happily ever after.” Disney did not exactly sell us a lie, rather, our culture mistranslated the deeper truth. Long before Disney, the tales themselves were pointing inward. The Prince and Princess were never really about someone else rescuing us. They are symbols of our own inner masculine and feminine. But growing up in a patriarchal system, we were taught to externalise everything: happiness, success, love, even salvation. No wonder so many felt or feel disillusioned when the promise did not hold.

When we look symbolically, the “kiss” that wakes the sleeping one is not about romance at all. It is about awakening, when our masculine energy of logic and clarity meets our feminine energy of intuition and creativity. In that inner union, something comes alive. Balance is restored. We no longer need someone else to complete us, though we may share life with another from a place of wholeness. This is the true happily ever after.

Every fairy tale also carries the rhythm of life itself, descent and return, death and rebirth, endings and beginnings. Sleeping Beauty is not just about a princess in slumber; it is about the necessity of rest and renewal before awakening to new life. Snow White’s glass coffin mirrors the suspended state we sometimes find ourselves in, when part of us has died but the rebirth has not yet arrived. To live consciously is to honour these cycles rather than resist them, recognising that every ending makes space for a new beginning.

The Hero Has Always Been Us

At the heart of it all, every fairy tale whispers the same truth: the hero has always been us. The dangers, helpers, and transformations we read about are mirrors of our own trials and triumphs. The quest is not about rescuing or being rescued, it is about remembering who we truly are. And in the end, to “return home” is to return to that true self, whole, awake, and fully alive.

When a child asks for a story, it may be the soul’s way of speaking, theirs, and yours. Children often choose the very tale that carries the medicine both need to hear. A bedtime request can be far more than whimsy; it can be a mirror of the family’s journey, a whisper of what the soul is trying to surface. In this way, our children become our teachers, reminding us of the truths we may have forgotten.

But we cannot hear these truths if our minds are always noisy. When we chatter constantly, whether in our heads or with our mouths, we block the whispers of Soul and nature wisdom. We need stillness. We need silence. As the saying goes: “When we speak, we only repeat what we know. When we listen, we may learn something new.”

For all of us, no matter our profession or path, this symbolic lens matters. We may find ourselves trapped in a “sleeping spell” of grief, stalked by a “wolf” of fear, or longing for the “helper” who reminds us of our strength and true nature. Fairy tales can be bridges, helping us name our inner landscapes in ways that ordinary language cannot.

The original tales of the Brothers Grimm or Hans Christian Andersen hold far more than quaint moral lessons. They speak to the courage, faith, and trust needed to walk through life’s dark forests and return with wisdom. And they remind us that when a child asks for a certain story, it may be speaking directly to your soul as much as theirs, holding a mirror to where you are on your own journey.

After all, the so-called “real world” is itself the greatest fairy tale of all, an unfolding adventure, full of shadows and helpers, mirrors and doorways, dragons and wolves, Crone wisdom and childlike wonder. And the ending? Well, that is always up to us.

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✨ Reflective Questions

  • Which “villain” or shadow figure, Wolf, Witch, Dragon, feels most alive for you right now? What part of your own power might they be guarding?

  • When was the last time you found yourself standing at a symbolic window, mirror, or doorway? What did it show you about yourself?

  • In what ways are you seeking “happily ever after” outside yourself, and how might you turn inward to find it instead?

  • Where in your life could stillness or silence help you hear what the story of your own soul is trying to say?

  • As the hero has always been you, what chapter of your journey are you living through right now?

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📚 Recommended Reading

On the Feminine, the Crone, and Women’s Stories

  • Women Who Run with the Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estés

  • Crones Don’t Whine: Concentrated Wisdom for Juicy Women, Jean Shinoda Bolen

  • The Crone: Woman of Age, Wisdom, and Power, Barbara G. Walker

On the Masculine & Feminine Archetypes

  • King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine, Robert Moore & Douglas Gillette

  • The Heroine’s Journey, Maureen Murdock (a counterpart to Campbell’s Hero’s Journey)

  • The Dance of the Dissident Daughter, Sue Monk Kidd

On Fairy Tales & Symbolism

  • The Uses of Enchantment: The Meaning and Importance of Fairy Tales, Bruno Bettelheim

  • Iron John: A Book About Men, Robert Bly (draws from Grimm’s tales)

  • Baba Yaga’s Assistant, Marika McCoola (a modern take on the old witch archetype)

On Myth, Archetypes & Shadow Work

  • Man and His Symbols, Carl Jung

  • Owning Your Own Shadow: Understanding the Dark Side of the Psyche, Robert A. Johnson

  • The Hero with a Thousand Faces, Joseph Campbell

On Dragons, Treasure, and Inner Power

  • Facing the Dragon: Confronting Personal and Spiritual Grandiosity, Robert L. Moore

  • The Dragon’s Treasure: A Dreamer’s Guide to Inner Discovery, Tian Dayton

  • The Book of Dragons, Edith Nesbit (for a lighter, symbolic entry point)

On Silence, Listening & Stillness

  • The Sacred Embrace of Listening, Kay Lindahl

  • Silence: The Power of Quiet in a World Full of Noise, Thich Nhat Hanh

  • The Wisdom of the Enneagram, Don Richard Riso & Russ Hudson (includes silence as a transformative practice)

© Cheryl O’Connor, 1995, 2014 and 2025. All rights reserved.
Please do not reproduce without permission. Sharing with credit and a link is welcome.

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