Conditioning

GIVE AND TAKE, OR ………….. GIVE AND RECEIVE

Much of the conditioning many of us were brought up with appears to me to be rather somewhat flawed. Is this because of the natural evolution of consciousness or is it just because many who came before us and many of us even now still don’t stop to question what we have been told and believe to be true?

I don’t know the answer to that question for everyone I only know for myself I have always questioned all I have been told because experience tells me that somewhere in between what two or more people believe to be a truth, lays a truth, neither have yet seen.

We’ve all heard the phrase that relationships are a matter of give and take but are they, really?

This implies to me that when we give we believe that we should also take i.e. that if we give to one person then that person is obliged to give to us in return. Often if they don’t, those with a give and take mentality and expectation they will receive land up being disappointed or re-active with a well, what about me attitude.

I was instilled with certain things when I was younger, things that I became conditioned to believe and some of those things I adhere to like manners for they cost nothing and it never hurts to say please or say thank you. It is polite and to me it is respectful and it feels very right in my heart to use those words.  Apart from those two things much of what I grew up with I had to question and this whole give and take mentality was one such thing that never quite rang true with me. It still doesn’t.

So many times I have seen folk who give with the expectation of receiving – it rarely turns out well for when they don’t receive from who they expect to receive from, they become disappointed, resentful and think well why the heck should I help you in future when you need help, when you can’t be bothered to help me.   Often this turns into a situation of people feeling obliged to help so as not to create difficulties in friendships, lose friendships or lose connections with other folk, or for whatever other reason people have for feeling obliged and acting out of obligation, not for the love and passion of doing something.

It is a rather interesting exercise therefore to just give for no other reason than your heart or your consciousness or whatever other part of you gives you the impulse to help and expect absolutely nothing in return. The more you practice this the more awesome things happen in your life.

Not so long ago a very dear friend was not feeling too well, they had been pushing their body really hard in relation to long hours and were feeling rather fluey. Their muscles were aching and they asked if I could give them a quick massage – sure no problems was my response. I also landed up giving them some Reiki/Seichim. During the course of this massage and healing session there was nothing more than just the act of giving with love to someone close to me who needed me to assist them so their body could feel a little better. It wasn’t until after the session that an offer was then made to me that would prove to be very beneficial to me and my work.   I was so chuffed with the offer I took them up on it. It was the last thing I expected for the thought of what they offered me had not even entered my head.

Other times I have seen rewards given to others in many different environments for things they have done which they did willingly and usually out of their own initiative. When rewarded others have gotten their noises out of joint and come from the attitude and mentality of well what about me I did this or I did that, where is my reward?

I am not sure if this is just something that is part of human nature or if it is actually just conditioning we have become accustomed to but I do know this from many experiences …… when we give with no thought of reward, with no expectation that we should take in return or be rewarded in some way for what we ourselves choose to give to another or others, awesome things happen in our lives, usually when we most need them to and we do indeed receive, rather than take.

Cheers, Cheryl.

Copyright – C. O’Connor 2015.

•*´☾☆☽`*•

#Cheryl O’Connor.

#Holistic #Counsellor, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.

* Creative & Artistic Therapies.

* Specialising in #Dream #Analysis/#Conscious #Dreaming & #Shamanic Journeying.

* #Reiki/#Seichim Treatments & Attunements.

* #Isis #Meditation.

* Proud member of The Wellness Universe – www.TheWellnessUniverse.com #‎WUVIP

Newsletter Subscription @ bit.ly/CheocoNews – All subscribers will receive a 10% discount on their first initial consultation for any of my services along with 33 awesome tips and tricks to help you start deciphering your dreams, as well as the symbolism of what appears to you daily.
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HEALING PARENTAL WOUNDS

We all know children do not come with instructions and that we receive no prior “training” in order to become a parent yet for any other job or activity we undertake there is a period of learning before we are deemed “qualified”.   It is very much a learn as you go experience and no-one can really tell you how to do what ultimately becomes the biggest task in your life, nurturing, being responsible for, guiding and teaching another person to an age and a stage where they can and do look after themselves totally and are totally responsible for themselves and their lives.

In times gone past a tribe would be involved in the upbringing of the young ones, then we moved to large family units being involved in their raising but more and more over time we have moved to the reality of just one or perhaps two people taking on this mammoth task of raising young folk and for many who are in pursuit of obtaining adequate housing and lifestyle that is in keeping with the “societal” standard more and more parents are working full time, mostly to pay off debt they incur to live the societal lifestyle standard, whilst leaving their child in another’s care who they do not really know but who has apparently received adequate training in caring for children.

It has me a bit baffled that in order to leave a child in another’s care in day care centres those others have to undergo a lot of training, cannot turn up to work drunk, cannot be abusive emotionally, mentally, physically or sexually, and yet we parents undergo absolutely no such training, nor do we have to meet such criteria.  Our training is usually on the job, in the moment learning.

For others such as single parents it is also often the case that they simply must work in order to keep a roof over their and their children’s heads, clothes on everyone’s back, pay the bills and have food on the table.

It’s a huge task being a parent, often tiring and often stressful as we juggle work and family commitments all the time just winging it as we go.  We all do the best we can with the awareness we have at any given time and really cannot expect much more than that from ourselves, given our lack of preparedness and training for the job.

Many children, like myself, grew up in environments where alcohol abuse, used as a medicine for coping with whatever stresses were being experienced, was common.  We also grew up in an era where copping a flogging was the norm, being told not to behave in certain ways when we got angry, thereby squashing down our emotions or were projected onto by unresolved issues our parents had etc., and today much of what we grew up with would be considered child abuse.

Many of us grew up with wounds being inflicted upon us by our parents behaviour and lack of self-awareness, lack of ability to cope and in dysfunctional families, and many children still are growing up in similar environments being yelled at, put down, living with alcohol or drug addicted or abusive adults, being treated in ways that no doubt are creating wounds for them and forming patterns of behaviour which their parents are handing down to them, just as those who came before them have unconsciously done.

For myself the most mammoth task of parenting came when I would say or do things and think oohh my goodness that is not me, not really, that is my mother.  My first born was a catalyst for me to become aware of and heal many wounds that had been inflicted on me as a child and for that I will always be ever so grateful to her.  In the process though there were wounds unconsciously inflicted on her by me as I juggled full time work, often getting up at 3.30am and not getting back to bed until 9 – 10 o’clock at night.  I was not in a position for several years where I could just not work, it was a necessity to our survival and yes it was exhausting.  The only support available to me at the time was that provided by the day care centre she attended and some assistance from my own grandparents.  For myself I have been working full time 90% of the time since I was a young teenager.

I was not the type of mother who would leave my child and later children on their own and go out clubbing or pubbing.  I did not bring an endless stream of men home nor did I drink alcohol or wipe myself out on drugs.  My child/children have always lived in nice, clean, lovely homes, always been well dressed, never gone without a meal or anything they have really needed.  Luxuries have never really existed and there are many things I would have liked to have done for them or with them but just had no money or time to do those but yes good budget management has no doubt been learned along with many other necessary skills.  There has been the odd holiday here or there locally but for the most part the past 25 years of my life, being an 80% of the time solo parent, has been devoted to raising two children whilst doing all that needs doing at home as well as working mostly full time with just the odd break to that here and there.   Was I a perfect mother, far from it and I never will be.

I spent 10 years in and out of depression and on a mammoth journey to rid myself of all that was no longer serving me or making me happy, whilst going through what is known as a Spiritual Crisis.  I worked solidly on healing the wounds which had been inflicted on me by my parents –  abandonment, abuse, alcoholism and essentially I did the very best I could do given my situation and my need to be responsible for myself and my child/children, just as my parents had done before me.   It wasn’t until I stopped focussing on the self indulgent hard done by mentality and started digging into my parents stories that I uncovered the why of how they had behaved towards me.  I came to realise, with age, that no matter what a parent does for a child, teaches a child to do for themselves, no childhood is EVER going to be perfectly how we as children would like it to be.

I am 50 now, still raising one child on my own and I have two grand-daughters.  For the past two years since a work contract ended I have been working my butt off, often up to 18 hours a day, 7 days a week to study so I have the mainstream qualifications necessary to tie up in a neat bow that which I love to do whilst also establishing a business out of what I love to do, not just doing any longer what I have felt I have needed to do to survive since I walked out of home at 14.  My whole parental life has been a situation of my children are part of my life but they are not my whole entire life as I saw ever so many women whilst I was growing up who made their children their entire life and then once the children had left the nest, as children rightly do, they were lost and had no sense of identity other than being someone’s Mum.

One of the greatest gifts given to me on this journey was seeing how patterns of behaviour have been passed down through the generations and how at some point in every child’s life it is a totally necessary part of growing up and taking responsibility for themselves that they do whatever is needed to also heal the wounds their parents unconsciously inflicted on them and learn to totally stand on their own two feet.   That they cease to blame or accuse their parent/s for whatever they feel or think the parent has or hasn’t done which is not to their liking.

It is said children choose us, we do not choose them and from my experiences with my children that was very much the situation.  Children come through us, they do not belong to us.  We give them the gift of life out of love, what they ultimately do with that life is entirely up to them but there must come a point in all our lives where we stop attacking, blaming and getting our knickers in a twist because our parents didn’t or don’t do what we believe as children or even as adults they “should” do now or should have done way back when, or what we expect them to do.   We all at some stage reach the point where we simply have to start parenting ourselves.  When we love others, truly love them, we have no expectations of them.  We don’t chuck hissy fits at them, nor do we ignore them or be rude to them simply because they are not doing what we think they should be doing or what we want them to do.

Many children these days seem to expect that their parents, after they have raised them and they have children of their own should be there to constantly offer support and guidance and to look after grand-children whilst they go off and do whatever.  Guess what kiddies, many of us grandparents are tired having raised our own families and whilst many of us dearly love our grandchildren and enjoy spending time with them, we have reached an age where we also enjoy our quiet time, when we can get it.

We don’t have the energy we once had nor do we much have the tolerance for noise we used to have.  Life moves, finally, at a bit of a slower pace for us and we have learnt the hard way that having expectations of anyone is just a recipe for heartache and disappointment.   We can no longer be bothered engaging ourselves in the dramas of youth either with your relationship issues and we live very much in the moment of now for we know there truly is no guarantee of tomorrow for any of us.  We’ve learnt that whilst having goals is essential if we are to create and achieve what we would like to experience in life, it is futile making set in cement plans.  Plans rarely ever turn out how we plan and so we move more easily in the flow of life rather than constantly battling with that flow.  Our emotional life has become much more stable, we don’t suffer the highs and lows that we did like a pendulum at full pelt swinging from one extreme to another at a younger age and if things pan out according to skeletal plans made they do, if they don’t we don’t get in a fluster about any of it much anymore.

We all come here to learn and grow, not to have everyone do what we think they should do.  We come here to experience ever so much and we cannot ever expect that one person is going to be able to give us all we need.  As I have always said to my two – you have one father and mother but if you are really lucky you will meet many who will fulfil the gaps in those roles because neither I nor your father will EVER be able to give you all you need or want.

So regardless of our ages if we haven’t yet healed our parental wounds we are still acting out of them with barriers and defence mechanisms and having re-actions rather than responses towards our parents and also towards others.  We all have them, there is no escaping them but ultimately at the end of the day it is OUR responsibility to heal them, not our parent’s responsibility to do that for us, nor can we blame them for what we think or feel, nor the lessons we have chosen to come here and learn which they have so beautifully provided for us to learn by giving us the ultimate gift, the gift of life.

Cheers, Cheryl.

Copyright C. O’Connor 2014.

Image sourced from Pixabay.

 

•*´☾☆☽`*•

‪#‎Cheryl‬ O’Connor.
‪#‎Holistic‬ ‪#‎Counsellor‬, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.
* Creative & Artistic Therapies.
* Specialising in ‪#‎Dream‬ ‪#‎Analysis‬/‪#‎Conscious‬ ‪#‎Dreaming‬ & ‪#‎Shamanic‬ Journeying.
* ‪#‎Reiki‬/‪#‎Seichim‬ Treatments & Attunements.
* Isis ‪#‎Meditation‬.

Newsletter Subscription @ bit.ly/CheocoNews – All subscribers will receive a 10% discount on their first initial consultation for any of my services along with 10 pages of awesome tips and tricks to help you start deciphering the language of your Soul, your dreams, as well as the symbolism of what appears to you daily.

Website @ www.cheocoenterprises.com
My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available – bit.ly/Cheocoshop

FB: https://www.facebook.com/cheocoenterprises
Skype: cheryloconnor333

Twitter: Cheryl O’Connor@Cheoco99
Email: cheoco99@yahoo.com.au

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD?

I’ve been hearing this question or the statement I don’t know what is wrong with the world more often than not lately.

It’s prompted pondering – what actually is wrong with the world?

Essentially I see nothing at all “wrong” with the world as such, however some human behaviour leaves a lot to be desired and a lot of us are left scratching our heads totally incapable of understanding why people are abusing and/or murdering each other and children, why folk are raping, pillaging and poisoning the air, water and land, why people in government are constantly receiving pay increases whilst cutting essential programmes and services we NEED and pay for with our taxes, when some of us can barely scrape enough money together to pay our rent, our bills or put food on the table.  We are also left wondering why there are people who are homeless, hungry and sick whilst others spend absolutely ridiculous amounts of money on trinkets and toys.   Many of us cannot for the life of us understand the why of any of it for it appears to us to be total insanity.

Perhaps it is insanity, or perhaps it is more a case of many people being in a state of total unconsciousness i.e. totally unaware of all they are projecting onto and blaming others for which would, I hazard a guess, fall into a category of those folk not having the willingness or even the knowing or desire to accept responsibility for THEIR thoughts and THEIR feelings, nor the skills to process them, without harm to the planet and those who live here, not just humans either.

Perhaps it is also about greed which falls into unconsciousness as those who are greedy have absolutely no awareness the Universe is abundant and provides us with all we need.  Perhaps it is about a need to feel powerful and in control of others because those folk are not in control of themselves and feel powerless hence their need to control that which is external to them.

Perhaps it is due to our extremely reinforced conditioning that all is external to us, including what many refer to as “God” which yes again falls into a category of total unconsciousness.   Is total unconsciousness then actually the “Insanity of Humanity”?

I am reminded of the Beatles song – “All you need is love” as I sit here processing thoughts and feelings about what I affectionately call “The Insanity of Humanity” for there is nothing that can be written that hasn’t already been said.   So why bother writing or sharing anything with anyone?  A very good question and the only possible answer I can give is because even though it’s all been done and said so many, many times over and over again, we humans still haven’t got the message and why is that?

We are all intelligent and many of us claim our intelligence is what makes us “superior” over the whole of the natural world and even the Universe which we generally see as being “beneath” us and “belonging” to us as we pillage, rape, pollute and destroy our world in order to be “wealthy”, “rich” and “powerful”.

How very intelligent we are to allow major banks and corporations to destroy our natural world, the only true home we all have, our health, our cultures and our well-being with their greed for money and “things”.  How very intelligent we are to allow so very much of what occurs in this world to occur and when will we all wake up to the reality that we belong to the Earth, the Earth does not belong to us?  That we are in fact an intrinsic part of nature, a part of the Universe, not separate to it or from it and that we and all we see are connected?  When will we all truly get it that nature has MUCH to teach us about ourselves and each other and that nature provides us with all we truly need to live on this planet?  It is therefore to my way of thinking nothing but TOTAL insanity to keep on polluting, pillaging and raping the Earth that freely gives us all life for there is no other planet any of us are aware of that sustains life.  Even if there were we are custodians of this planet and well frankly we are doing a pretty crap job for the most part in being responsible custodians of it for future generations to live here.

The world has existed for millions of years as humans have come and gone, and in more recent times, sadly leaving a path of destruction behind them.  What of the future?  Will Mother Nature, as she has in the past, say enough of all you humans and wipe us out totally because of our fear based way of life, our ignorance, our unwillingness to free ourselves from a system we have just blindly accepted is the only way to live on this planet, and our greed? Every great civilisation that has ever lived on the planet reaches a certain stage of its development or evolution if you prefer to call it that, and then is wiped out by natural or human causes.

In 2012 according to some this was the year the world would end, cease to be, clearly it never did end and is it possible the world will ever end?  Perhaps…. It hasn’t however ended at any time during the past 405,000,000 years that we know of, just evolved continually as has the life that lives upon it, so why would it just suddenly end?  Whilst countless lives have been lost on this planet due to war, greed, ignorance, revenge, hate, possession and a need to control and have power over others, the planet has lived on.  What is possible though is that the billions of human inhabitants, many of us who have been slowly waking up to who we truly are will fully wake up and take back our own power and our lands peacefully.  For according to someone’s story in a book called “The Bible” – “The meek shall inherit the Earth.”  I live in hope.

For thousands of years many have spoken of peace and love, compassion, kindness, equality and respect.  Many of those who spoke this and attempted to implement it were killed for doing so, why?  Messages and messengers have been all around us for eons yet do we see them?  Do we hear them? It is like we are mostly blind and deaf to our true potential, to who we truly are and the ability we have to heal ourselves and our planet (which is truly just reflecting the damage we have done and are doing to ourselves) thereby creating Heaven on Earth rather than continue to exist in the Hell of suffering we have created for ourselves and many others on this planet.  Do we not realise “the Kingdom of Heaven lays within” just as too so does “Hell”.   Do we not at all see that our internal reality is what manifests back to us in the external?   Do we not see that we have enslaved ourselves in a totally fear based “control system” which rewards the “rich” and penalises the “poor”?  Yet who is to say that those who do not have a lot of material wealth are poor, for they are rich in many ways the so-called rich cannot even begin to imagine.

Is it not insanity to accumulate debt that we have no means of paying back?  We truly never do own the land we live on we just think we do because we have exchanged pieces of paper with numbers written on them for a piece of paper that says we do.    Is it not insanity to destroy the very world and life that sustains us?  Is it not insanity to give humans chemicals in the form of pills to make them feel better when they are “sick”, which have the potential to create even more sickness with their “side effects” – what side effects?  An effect is an effect, there is nothing about it being on the side, and all of this is as I see it  a result of fear based conditioning and programming we have been subjected to for most of our lives.  Is it not insanity that the bulk of the population on this planet spend their lives, not living but surviving?   Is it not insanity to accumulate “things” only for them to land up as rubbish that pollutes our world?  Is it not insanity to spend, on average, some 40 plus hours a week making someone else “rich” or focussing on money so much for ourselves to appear to be successful, whilst we neglect family, get stressed, become exhausted and ill, whilst thinking that we are in fact providing for them and ourselves with “things”.

How do we justify this insanity?

Personally I can’t justify any of it other than to conclude that those who appear to be acting from a space of insanity may just simply not have awoken to the truth of themselves and of life yet.  I live in hope they do for all our sakes.

Copyright C. O’Connor 2014.

Image sourced from the internet, creator unknown.

 

•*´☾☆☽`*•

‪#‎Cheryl‬ O’Connor.
‪#‎Holistic‬ ‪#‎Counsellor‬, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.
* Creative & Artistic Therapies.
* Specialising in ‪#‎Dream‬ ‪#‎Analysis‬/‪#‎Conscious‬ ‪#‎Dreaming‬ & ‪#‎Shamanic‬ Journeying.
* ‪#‎Reiki‬/‪#‎Seichim‬ Treatments & Attunements.
* Isis ‪#‎Meditation‬.

Newsletter Subscription @ bit.ly/CheocoNews – All subscribers will receive a 10% discount on their first initial consultation for any of my services along with 10 pages of awesome tips and tricks to help you start deciphering the language of your Soul, your dreams, as well as the symbolism of what appears to you daily.

Website @ www.cheocoenterprises.com
My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available – bit.ly/Cheocoshop

FB: https://www.facebook.com/cheocoenterprises
Skype: cheryloconnor333

Twitter: Cheryl O’Connor@Cheoco99
Email: cheoco99@yahoo.com.au

SPIDER – Weaving the Web of Life.

Not everyone’s favourite critter and certainly not mine BUT Spider is symbolic of much. Spider is said to have woven the first primordial alphabet. So can be about writing. Spider speaks of our connection to all that exists in the world wide (universal) web. Spider’s body is shaped like a figure 8 – symbol for DNA and her 8 legs are said to symbolise the four directions and the four winds of change.Spider can be a warning message to not get caught up in our own illusions of ourselves and the physical world. Spider is also about creating and her web is said to represent the wheel of life to which we are all bound.

She can be a warning to not get caught up in the polarities of good and bad and a reminder that we can create anything we want to in our lives. Spider, like ourselves is always creating and it is prudent to be mindful of what exactly we are creating for ourselves without getting caught up in the web of our own delusions.

She can also be a reminder for us to not get so tangled up in our own webs of destructiveness and criticism when it comes to our relationships with others. For some Spiders will indeed kill and eat their own partners. Copyright C. O’Connor 2014.

•*´☾☆☽`*•

‪#‎Cheryl‬ O’Connor.
‪#‎Holistic‬ ‪#‎Counsellor‬, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.
* Creative & Artistic Therapies.
* Specialising in ‪#‎Dream‬ ‪#‎Analysis‬/‪#‎Conscious‬ ‪#‎Dreaming‬ & ‪#‎Shamanic‬ Journeying.
* ‪#‎Reiki‬/‪#‎Seichim‬ Treatments & Attunements.
* Isis ‪#‎Meditation‬.

Newsletter Subscription @ bit.ly/CheocoNews – All subscribers will receive a 10% discount on their first initial consultation for any of my services along with 10 pages of awesome tips and tricks to help you start deciphering the language of your Soul, your dreams, as well as the symbolism of what appears to you daily.

Website @ www.cheocoenterprises.com
My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available – bit.ly/Cheocoshop

FB: https://www.facebook.com/cheocoenterprises
Skype: cheryloconnor333

Twitter: Cheryl O’Connor@Cheoco99
Email: cheoco99@yahoo.com.au

LIFE AS A DREAM

“Everything that comes to me
is a reflection of Self so I see
that as within, so too without
leaving me with no doubt
of the work on Self that must be done
in order for Humanity to be consciously One.

Judging none, accepting all,
surrendering to the rise and fall,
fully feeling the pain inside,
from myself I can never hide,
and as I become One with my Soul
I begin to realise my only role
is to love and respect all that’s around me
but firstly love and respect for myself there must be.”

It was during a time of non-dreaming when I was needing answers and none were forthcoming by their usual method of delivery i.e. dreaming, that one day I thought I wonder what would happen if I started treating things, people, events and animals that crossed my path just as I would a dream. Would the answers I was seeking then come to me?

So with great curiosity I made a decision to start looking at life in that way whenever I had a re-action (re-acting out an old subconscious behavioural pattern I didn’t particularly like or experiencing intense emotions i.e. what folk normally refer to as a reaction rather than a response) or with whatever I encountered, bird, reptile, beast, the wind and whatever direction it was coming from, people who crossed my path, traffic lights, slogans and signs that “spoke” to me, numbers, rooms, street names, clouds that formed very definite shapes, types of trees – essentially everything that occurred or crossed my path in my so called “waking” reality in this physical realm of logical and rational thinking.

If for example a water pipe broke, a light bulb went out, a glass smashed, a door became stuck, if I got a red light run or a green light run etc., etc., I treated all exactly as I would a dream i.e. as an aspect of Self just as I would a “sleeping” dream when I woke up each morning. I would use the method I have developed for working with a dream, for always the present situation, our questions and feelings about it and the answer to any question or pondering we have during our waking reality will be revealed in dreaming. The good majority of us though, have lost the knowledge of how dreams speak to us and in fact how life truly speaks to us.

What I discovered amazed and excited me for when I started bringing the personal symbolic meanings I had spent a great deal of time getting to know, which I used in my dream analysis, along with my way of working with a dream, into my daily life, my experiences clearly showed me I was essentially in fact living one huge dream of my own creation whether “awake” or “asleep”.

Ever since I have therefore treated ALL that crosses my path as a symbolic aspect of my Self whenever I have needed to make a decision about which path to take at crossroads; to assist with just “knowing” whether something was right for me or not; or whenever there has been anything I haven’t quite understood which I do need to see and understand. It takes time to actually get the hang of this but if a person starts practising it a whole new awareness can open up and it truly will amaze.

The reality and biggest bonus for all being that folk don’t necessarily need to experience dreaming in what we term “sleep” in order to understand the deeper meanings behind the veil of illusion of everyday so called “waking” life that dreaming gives us.

When we start to look at daily life symbolically, as we would a dream, we find situations which arise are taken less personally and the ability can be gained to see a little deeper into the issue i.e. what it is teaching us about ourselves and the action we need to take, or not take, in relation to it.

We soon come to realise that messages for our personal growth, use and guidance are abundant and this is especially true when we are dealing with challenges (not problems) I personally believe, as John Lennon once said, “There are no problems, only solutions.” Challenges if you like, that we set up for ourselves to find creative solutions to, to test our skills, knowledge and growth and whether or not we have actually healed a wound that would normally create a re-action, as opposed to a response.

Often we will learn something and for a time it is only a theory that just makes perfect sense to us and resonates with us, then we will experience it i.e. we are given the chance and opportunity to put that theory into practice. Some lessons true, take longer to sink in than others, many refer to those repetitive lessons as mistakes or if they experience something that isn’t pleasant those too are seen as mistakes rather than just the learning curves that they are and folk will often throw a negative connotation on them but we will repeat something several times in various different scenarios until yep we now not only “know” it, as in the theory of it, but more importantly we have experienced it, integrated it and we now understand it and can apply it in our lives. As an example I can share for many many years I appeared to attract abusive behaviour by others, once I stopped abusing myself the reflection of that no longer appeared in others.

How many times do we encounter people who we feel treat us badly? We are often faced with situations that bring up emotions such as anger, frustration, sadness and disappointment. We, or the other person, are often left feeling the intensity of our emotions. Sometimes we confront the person and try to sort out the difficulty, other times we don’t. Often the issue is never mentioned again as we try to pretend nothing has happened yet we feel an invisible barrier with these folk, or we simply avoid the person who we think has caused our distress or discomfort. We often take “offence” to something another has done or said and therein lays a very interesting word. “Offence” when I play with it I get “A fence” – i.e. a barrier put up so strongly that no-one can get through it.

Many of us were never taught and still have not mastered effective communication skills or good confrontational skills. Most of us run a mile rather than confront another about any discomfort we may be experiencing due to what another has said, done or not done. Our whole conditioning in our western culture has been one of competition, of win or lose, of right and wrong, of my way or the highway, yet with effective communication skills and good confrontational skills it does not need to be this way. Interactions can move from discomfort, strong emotion or attack and blame scenarios to one of clear boundaries, assertive and effective communication, self-confidence and mutual respect with a desire to understand where each other is coming from by asking questions, by being curious, rather than judging, accusing, assuming, blaming, shaming, attempting to “make” another feel guilty or creating a fence.

Once we begin to look at absolutely everything and everyone who crosses our path as being a symbolic aspect of Self/part of Self we start to feel acceptance and gratitude for whatever comes our way, although granted we certainly may not feel that when the event that has triggered our own subconscious distress and re-active behaviour first occurs!

It is however OUR distress to deal with. No-one can “make” another feel anything – they are OUR feelings, no-one else’s. Learning and understanding what I perceive to be the lost language of dreams can help us all enormously for it is one of our greatest allies, providing a wealth of healing, knowledge and wisdom accessible to every single person on the planet freely and frequently.

Everywhere we go, everything we hear, everything we overhear, everyone we meet and every single situation we encounter has a deeper meaning when treated symbolically. Messages are EVERYWHERE yet we rarely see them, let alone give thanks for them or the priceless gifts they and others bring into our lives. We are usually too busy rushing here or there and realistically where are we all really rushing to? Many say “I’m getting there” where exactly is “there”?

Often folk are so busy talking about a situation, feeling we are hard done by, or rehashing events that have upset us over and over in our minds to stop and be still enough to truly listen and see the truth of what is really occurring.

Often we struggle and suffer through our experiences, judging, blaming, resenting, accusing, making assumptions and trying to figure out why another has behaved the way they have, yet rarely do we even ask them why or ask what is going on for them. More times than not most folk will discuss the issue with someone else, with both assuming or trying to guess why another has done or said whatever they have done or said to supposedly cause another distress or upset.

Sometimes we even go so far as to not even speak to those who we feel caused our distress. Our ingrained subconscious conditioning is to continually project ourselves onto others blaming them for whatever happens in OUR lives and whatever emotions WE feel.

Every single experience we have had or do have in life we have created at a deeper level for ourselves. Each one of us has been given “free will” and once we truly get this we have learnt to accept FULL responsibility for everything that has and does occur in our lives.

One of the quickest, most beautiful and easiest empowering words any of us can ever use is “I”. I feel, I think, I am wondering, I need to, I should, I must, I will, rather than using words like “you make me”, “you think I”, “you need to”, “you should/shouldn’t”, “you must/mustn’t”, “you don’t” etc.

So many times the use of “you” lands up in an argument with raised voices and intense emotions coming to the surface. It seems to me that often when we don’t feel heard or understood we automatically raise our voice perhaps in a subconscious effort to be heard yet it is not the volume attached to what we need to say that is creating the misunderstanding in most situations – saying something louder doesn’t make it any better understood, it just leads to the other person raising their voice also. It is rather synchronistic that as I am typing this in the background I can hear a classic “YOU”, “YOU”, “YOU” argument which is occurring quite loudly on the television which another in the Bat Cave has turned on.

The moment we use the word you in front of any other word, more particularly when we are experiencing strong emotional re-actions or discomfort, we are projecting onto another person and we will automatically create a barrier between that person and our Self.

Whereas if we replace “you” with “I” we neither give our own personal power away, nor our Self responsibility, nor will another throw up an invisible barrier that “you” smacks them in the face with as being a personal attack on them, which then pushes them into a space of instant defence caused by offence, and further away.

There is a nursery rhyme I am sure many will remember which on the surface means diddly squat really and yet it holds great and profound wisdom:-

“Row Row Row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily
Life is but a Dream!”

When looked at symbolically this rhyme holds far greater meaning than we generally give it credit for, for realistically most of us give it no credit and perhaps think of it as a cute but silly little nursery rhyme young children seem to have enjoyed hearing and singing over time.

Essentially a boat is a vessel that journeys on top of and through water. Our bodies are the vessels we journey through life in. Water is generally symbolic of our emotions. Therefore symbolically speaking the boat represents us and how we could be handling the emotions we travel through, if we all truly realised Life is But a Dream, of our own creation.

Cheers, Cheryl.

© Cheryl O’Connor 2014.

•*´☾☆☽`*•

‪#‎Cheryl‬ O’Connor.
‪#‎Holistic‬ ‪#‎Counsellor‬, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.
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