Gratitude

FEAR BASED CONDITIONING

We all come with abundant courage, trust and love into this world. As infants, we trust our needs will be met. We’re fed, clothed, sheltered—and, ideally, loved. We play in nature, explore the world with awe, and live in the now. There’s no concept of lack or limitation.

So where does all that innate trust, courage and love go?

It gets smothered, slowly, by a blanket of fear-based conditioning.

“Don’t fall.” “Be careful.” “Don’t climb that.” “Don’t cry.” “Don’t speak to strangers.”

From the moment we begin exploring, we are bombarded with warnings. Many are well-meaning. But the message we receive is that the world is dangerous, our bodies are fragile, and our instincts can’t be trusted. Over time, our nervous systems internalise this. What starts as care becomes caution. What begins as protection becomes suppression. And what once was joy becomes fear.

This conditioning isn’t just psychological—it’s somatic. Repeated warnings trigger the body’s stress response, even when no real danger exists. Studies show that chronic activation of this response in childhood can lead to long-term dysregulation of the nervous system, laying the foundation for anxiety, depression, and autoimmune disorders. (See: Harvard Center on the Developing Child, 2010; Van der Kolk, 2014.)

We learn to mute our natural expressions. To cry quietly. To sit still. To put on masks.

We’re told to leave our feelings at the door. “Be professional.” “Leave your personal stuff at home.”

Yet humans aren’t machines. We carry our emotions, energy, stories and unprocessed grief into every space. Telling someone to leave their pain behind is like asking the ocean not to wave.

So, we cope. We numb. We perform.

We medicate ourselves with coffee, alcohol, sugar, nicotine, binge-watching, overworking—whatever dulls the ache. We long for weekends, dread Mondays, and confuse productivity with purpose. The more we ignore our inner world, the louder our bodies must speak—through illness, fatigue, or emotional outbursts.

This is not living. This is surviving.

And it’s no surprise that disconnection—internally and from others—leads to chronic stress, burnout, and a lack of meaning. As Gabor Maté writes, “When we have been prevented from learning how to say no, our bodies may end up saying it for us.”

Our systems reward burnout. We idolise busyness. We dismiss embodiment and emotional intelligence.

And yet, somewhere deep inside, we remember.

We remember the joy of dancing in the rain, the wonder of staring at clouds, the heartbeat of the earth beneath our bare feet. We remember what it feels like to trust ourselves.

What silences that voice?

Fear.

Fear, like all emotions, is energy. I see it as a contraction, a tightening of energy, whereas love is an expansion, a flow of energy.

When we sit with fear or anxiety, whether in our minds or bodies, it intensifies. We may feel stressed, unable to think clearly, or even slip into panic, neurosis, or paranoia. Fear can also paralyze us, or it may erupt as a reaction. Beneath anger, fear and pain often hide.

When we allow ourselves to fully experience and feel the anger, pain, regret, guilt, or shame that fear has been masking, the fear dissipates, and in its place, courage emerges. Often, this process also brings new insights and solutions that were previously hidden.

Our minds can amplify fear by spinning “what if” scenarios—often imagining outcomes that never come to pass. These imagined fears can cause unnecessary stress and anxiety, especially when they haven’t even materialized.

If we have a wound we’ve been protecting, and something triggers it, the “band-aid” comes off, exposing us to fear again. This can lead to a double layer of fear: the immediate reaction to the trigger and the deeper fear stemming from the original wound—or even multiple past wounds.

Shifting fear is no easy feat, and it can take time. But once we face it, and sit with the pain that lies beneath, fear melts away. In its place, we find love, peace, and clarity.

Fear of rejection. Of being judged. Of not being enough. Of failing. Of not fitting in. Of speaking our truth. Of losing love. Of death.

False Evidence Appearing Real.

Most of what we fear never actually happens. And the few things that do? We survive them. We grow through them. Sometimes, they become the very catalysts that awaken us.

So what if we re-learned how to trust ourselves? What if we began untangling the knots of fear-based conditioning, one thread at a time?

What if we let the grief rise instead of stuffing it down? What if we let our bodies dance when the music moved us? What if we started saying yes to what lights us up and no to what drains us?

This is not naive. It’s necessary.

Life isn’t meant to be a grind. It’s meant to be a creation.

If you’re ready to tear up the script of fear, I have scissors in my kit and a hand to hold. Together, we can unweave the tangle.

With love, C.

References for deeper reading:

  • Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score, 2014
  • Gabor Maté, When the Body Says No, 2003
  • Harvard Center on the Developing Child, “Toxic Stress and Brain Architecture”
  • Peter Levine, Waking the Tiger, 1997
  • Stephen Porges, The Polyvagal Theory, 2011

© Cheryl O’Connor, 2025. All rights reserved. Please do not reproduce without permission. Sharing with credit and a link is welcome.

Coming into One’s Own Power

Last week I shared some of the wisdom to be garnered from Dreams if we have obtained the knowledge and skills to use their guidance.  This week the story continues by illustrating just how powerful dreams can be in relation to uncovering the depth of a situation, assisting us to shed and heal conditioned patterns of behaviour we can repeatedly subconsciously attract to us, whilst also transforming our reactive behaviours into responses.

In Dreaming, a male I have known for over a decade approaches me, he has a blonde woman with him. I know they are here to tell me they are wanting to be together, and then he says so.  He appears intoxicated as a consequence of either alcohol or perhaps some type of drugs. It is obvious he is not thinking or acting clearly in his normally lucid non-reactive, kind and empathetic manner.  His aggressiveness in this situation creates a huge argument between us, the first ever, and to end it as I have no time or energy for arguing with anyone, I tell him that’s fine, off you go then, but don’t say I haven’t warned you about the woman you are choosing to involve yourself with. 

Then the woman in the dream is suddenly holding both my wrists and will not let go.  I feel infuriation at this violation and bondage.  I start screaming at her, using expletives, to let go of my wrists.  I struggle with her and eventually break free.  Her grip had been tight and left its’ mark.  Having freed myself, I am right in her face, screaming at her that if she EVER does that to me again, I will knock her out cold and kick her arse to the kerb.  I can’t recall feeling so enraged and explosive, in a very long time.

The scene shifts and I am now in “Observer Mode”.  My awareness is looking at the scene of the three of us. Paths appear, one to my left and one to my right.  The left leads towards a dark, murky, icky feeling place and the right to a space of brightness, vibrancy, colour, peace and love.  My friend and this woman take the left path together and as I am deciding which path I will take, the lines from Stairway to Heaven,

“Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
There’s still time to change the road you’re on”

come to mind.

I do not follow my friend and this woman, for I choose, at that moment, to take the right path and see myself walking away in that direction.

For me left is symbolic of past, of what is needing to be left behind, is coming from the past or what type of behaviour is needing to be let go of if a symbolic aspect of Self moves in that direction.  Right is future and forward movement because all that yet awaits us is there on our “right” path.

Emerging from this experience, I felt clarity and peace regarding the action I now knew I needed to take, which I previously hadn’t been experiencing. A parting of the ways was coming between this friend and me and it was up to me to cut the ties after a month of retreating and putting together the puzzle pieces.  For the sake of both our continued growth and learning and perhaps even healing purposes, there was nothing more of value, for now, we could bring into each other’s lives. I knew whatever now awaited both of us, I would need some alone time and ultimately, we would both need different people in our lives to accomplish it with.  If subconsciously, or perhaps consciously, the obnoxious manner in which I felt I had been treated, was being done deliberately to push me away it was working effectively but it really was not necessary. An honest conversation would have been much more preferable but that is how he appeared to be choosing to deal with it. 

The dream’s messages and what this waking reality was showing me revealed that once again I was dealing with masculine energy I had been attracting since childhood. It was exactly the same energy as my two main male role models had been, unavailable in one form or another and/or abusive and disrespectful.  The woman symbolised the part of me who had been holding me back, keeping me feeling loyal to my friend and hopeful of the various things we had discussed we would like to do together, which never came to pass. Synchronicity began coming into play also with numbers and other symbols/signs that were coming my way.  The final confirmation arrived when I heard the song “Time to move on”, by Tom Petty, for the first time. 

The path before me was clear as were the underlying reasons for my friend’s behaviour.  The gift they were freely giving me was that I was in yet another, and I highly suspect and hope the last, process of freeing myself from this unfulfilling energy that I had always given my all to where others were concerned and in return I would be ultimately shocked by their behaviour, brought down, abused and held back.  

Events then occurred which showed me clearly those who try to fool me, only truly fool themselves as all I had intuitively known, came to pass.  I cannot say the process was painless, even though I acted swiftly, not dissimilar to the Queen of Swords energy in the Tarot, once I knew the time was right to state my intention to walk away and leave the pair of them to it.  So whilst my friend was busy reactively blowing up long-standing bridges to smithereens with myself and my family, thanks to my inner guidance and wisdom, I was able to fully grieve the loss of this longstanding friendship and walk away calmly, with peace and acceptance, grace, integrity and gratitude, taking many beautiful and funny memories with me. 

The only permanent aspect of life is impermanence and when I know intuitively, something is going on that just doesn’t make any logical sense I take extra notice of what my dreams are telling me. If I need to make a change in my life, regardless of how painful I know it will be for me, I will do so because if I don’t, I am just putting off the inevitable.  It’s a futile exercise and a total waste of what precious little time I have left of my life, as it just creates more pain and suffering for myself and others, the longer I put it off.  If I delay for too long, life situations will arise that historically have made the situation even worse, created very unpleasant memories, some of which have been traumatic and are akin to a Universal kick up the backside or clip around the ear, in order to keep me moving, changing, growing, learning and evolving.

The past six months or so have been ones of great change where my intrinsic values and boundaries of how I want to be treated by others have become a lot clearer and firmer. Many folk have fallen by the wayside as a result and the dynamics in some other relationships has also altered for the better.  To those who did fall by the wayside I wish you all well and am grateful for all the known and unknown love and support you have gifted me with, in my journey towards stepping back into my own power more fully after three decades, so far, of healing from the abusive and dishonest and unkind behaviour, I had been attracting most of my life, until recently, in one form or another.  Inner growth: It never stops.

© Cheryl O’Connor, February 2020.

Is “Constructive Criticism” really Constructive ?

One of the most common human behaviours I am privy to not only where others are concerned but within myself over the years and still even now it slips in at times despite my best conscious efforts not to go there, is that of being critical.

It’s SO easy to be critical because that is our conditioning. It astounds me that we actually have an economic industry of “critics” who get paid to go and see, listen to, or experience others creative endeavours and “critique” them which they then feel it necessary to publish. If the creative persons interpretation of something they have gone to experience isn’t in line with the critics perception – too bad so sad they receive a “bad” review that ripples out to others and has a domino effect which can limit severely the amount of folk who go and see or experience it for themselves and decide whether they enjoy it or not, based purely on what someone else says. It is also often the case that many who are standing in the wings and not even involving themselves in something or aren’t even aware of what is REALLY going on, on the stage, take it upon themselves to be critical of what the ones on the stage are doing, in all areas of life. Yet we all perceive and do things differently.

Just watch any group of people for e.g. in an art class – all can be looking at the same tree which they are to paint and yet every single painting each creates will be totally different not only to the tree given as an example, but to each others trees. How truly miraculous is that?! Yet so often in so many situations another will say no that’s not how you do it, you “NEED” to do it this way. How so and who says so?

Everything we do is an act of unique creation so how can it be that we have fallen into this trap of being so critical and judgmental? We seem to live in a society that is full of competition and judgement which starts not long after birth. It’s rampant in our schools, in politics, in sports, in workplaces, it’s persistent in those “Women’s” magazines where celebrities are criticised for just about everything from wearing a pair of track pants out to the local shop to having their hair done a certain way. In more recent times on television screens and other media it is also rampant by way of “reality” shows where folk compete against each other to reach a temporary status of “winner” and being labelled “the best”. The label being given to them by “judges” who are really only just sharing their perception of another’s “performance” in a given moment. Yet that perception in that moment of being “judged” can absolutely crush another’s dream and devastate the person who isn’t given the label of “the winner.”

It’s so often the case that if folk don’t do things the way we think they should be done or how we ourselves would do them rarely do we stop to ask questions. Instead, out of our heads and mouths, usually automatically, will come all sorts of “stuff” that is judgmental and critical which perhaps whilst not consciously meaning to do harm, does – just like the critic who published their opinion.

This has been disguised to make it more palatable in recent times by being labelled “constructive criticism”. I personally don’t understand how any criticism is “constructive” – giving and receiving honest and respectful feedback however is a totally different ball game. Words float around all the time about not judging others, about “loving” and accepting yourself and others as they are and hey if those others are rattling your cage with a big stick no worries just shrug it off and walk away – not always that easy though is it?

Phrases have long been within the minds of humanity along the lines of – Don’t judge another lest you be judged; Don’t be so busy pulling the splinter out of someone else’s eye that you can’t see the lump of wood in your own; People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones; Let he who is without sin cast the first stone; He who points a finger at another will find three pointing back at him, and on it goes.

When people bring forth their best endeavours, ideas and passions to create a more peaceful, love filled, tolerant and respectful world for all, they have often landed up being persecuted, imprisoned, harshly criticised or dead for their efforts for what they are doing or saying. Why? Have we all really become so arrogant as to think that there is only one way to see or do something, our way? Further down the track when it is often way too late, others begin to see what the person was doing and saying with more clarity and then those who were working solidly to create change are treated as heroes, legends or saints.

Sadly they are often no longer even alive by the time the rest of society catches up. It’s often the case that a person or people with “vision” will see much that others clearly do not yet see and due to their passion to manifest that “vision” they run with it whole heartedly, only to be continually met by others trying to pick to pieces what they are doing. What exactly does that achieve I wonder, besides perhaps maybe making the picker feel good about themselves in some bizarre way, like they are “better” than the one who has gotten off their butt, stopped whinging about a situation, and is actually doing something to change that situation for the better, not just for themselves but more importantly for others.

On the flipside to this we have all this information and push occurring about not bullying, teamwork, collaboration etc., and yet many of the so-called political “leaders” in this world are still coming out of the mental and emotional framework of Ego, criticism, one upmanship, bullying tactics, abuse and judgement even though we are given examples time and time again of what actually happens when we ALL work together to achieve something. Is that I wonder part of the reason why “natural disasters” occur, so that we can more consciously become aware of the part of our nature that is supportive, kind, empathetic, loving and compassionate? Collaboration NOT competition will get us ALL wherever we are wanting to go way faster than if we spend our time and energy constantly being judgemental and critical of what others in this world are doing and bickering amongst ourselves about whatever.

Someone close to me has a beautiful expression they often use which I love – The world would be a better place if everyone minded their own business. This person does not mean that we should not care about each other or support each other, they mean that each and every person (unless they are incapacitated in some way) is fully capable of doing whatever it is they need to do for themselves and that we would all live in a better world if we were ALL working together and supporting each other, not wasting our precious time and lives in these temporary physical bodies, trying to tear others down whilst our Egos climb whatever ladder to success they decide to climb, ripping people off or ripping them to shreds, gossiping, judging, undermining and criticising them, telling them they are “wrong” or giving them “advice” when it hasn’t even been asked for.

This person is also referring to those situations where we are doing something and another comes along and takes over because in the other’s eyes we are not doing “it” right. They are of the opinion that this unintentionally diminishes the person who was doing it their own way and shows disrespect. Quite simply humanity has created the present mess in this world, no-one else, and no-one is coming to “save” us, or the planet. The Politicians don’t give a hoot for they cannot see what many of us can clearly see and we are ALL simply just going to have to pull our big girl and boy knickers up clear out our own muck and heal our wounds, so we stop projecting it all onto others if we want anything at all to change.

The time of separation – of you, me, us, them, right, wrong, greed, slavery to jobs that just create nothing but stress and sickness to all life on this planet is coming to an end. Honestly can you actually even begin to imagine how much more we would ALL achieve in this world if the amount of time, money and energy we spent on sticking our noses into other folks business, being critical and judgemental, bickering or gossiping about this, that and the other was actually spent on creating the type of world we not only want to live in but pass on to our children and grandchildren?

It has always been said that our children are our future and whilst I was a child I really didn’t have a say in the future I would be living in. I was often told by my Grandfather though you can achieve anything you want to in this world and so far all I have set out to achieve I have accomplished but there is still more, so much more I want to achieve. Now that I am living in the future I was told about as a child, as a mature aged woman, it is not at all the future I envisioned it could be but I can have a say now and I am so very passionate and driven about doing everything in my power, by collaborating, not competing with others, via The Wellness Universe, other initiatives and with folk who are near and dear to me, to assist in creating the future I did envision as a child that I want to pass on to my children and grandchildren. A world where there is full collaboration, peace, love, understanding, respect for all life, compassion, gratitude, joy, beauty and creative vision and as John Lennon once said, “You may say I’m a Dreamer but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us and the world will BE as one”.

I may never get to see a world like the one I envision but that doesn’t mean for a second I can’t and won’t do whatever I can to help create it. We are ALL in this world together regardless of our social status, gender, sexual preferences, financial situation, religion or religious beliefs, varying skin colours, ages etc., It doesn’t matter diddly squat what job we do that we label with a name or how well known or not known we are in the world, and for the sake of all the children, grandchildren and generations yet to come into this world, I truly do hope and yes I even pray (even though I am not for once second “religious”) that we ALL start spending way more time collaborating and supporting each other to create a better world than the one we have been left with by those who came before us, than we have been and often do spend criticising and judging each other.
Cheers, C.

Copyright. C. O’Connor.

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#Cheryl O’Connor.
#Holistic #Counsellor, Author & Writer.

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS!

Hello everyone, firstly I just want to say a big THANK YOU to all who are following here at WordPress.  Thank you all for your comments, re-blogs etc. ALL gratefully appreciated.

The facebook page Cheoco Enterprises turned two yesterday SO I am celebrating by giving you a chance to win some gifts.

Just go to the page and like the pinned poster by my Friday 5pm on the 6th of February and all who do will go into three draws:-

1. A copy of The Promise.
2. A Distance Healing Session.
3. A Skype, Email or Phone Dream Analysis Session.

Distance Healing Session and Dream Analysis Gift need to be utilised by 20 February.

I am also offering half price sessions for all online services this month and you will find more details about that at the facebook page.  I will be celebrating for the whole of February and I have more giveaways up my sleeve to share with you all. 

Just my way of thanking you for your support over all online platforms.

Thank you and have a wonder full day.

Cheers, Cheryl.

•*´☾☆☽`*•

#Cheryl O’Connor.
#Holistic #Counsellor, Author & Writer.

* #Cognitive & Body Based #Counselling.
* #Creative & #Artistic #Therapies.
* Specialising in #Dream #Analysis, #Conscious #Dreaming & #Shamanic Journeying.
* #Reiki #Seichim Treatments & #Attunements.
* #Isis #Meditation.

Proud Member of The Wellness Universe www.TheWellnessUniverse.com
#WUVIP

Newsletter Subscription @ bit.ly/CheocoNews – All subscribers will receive a 10% discount on their first initial consultation for any of my services along with 10 pages of awesome tips and tricks to help you start deciphering the language of your Soul, your dreams, as well as the symbolism of what appears to you daily.

Website @ www.cheocoenterprises.com

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GRATITUDE

We often give thanks to those who have been kind, loving, and supportive and who have helped us when we have needed help. It is the most natural thing for us to be and to feel in such circumstances.

For myself and I don’t doubt others, there have been many in my life who have been there to help me pick up the pieces when the shit has literally hit the fan.

So many people I have met along the way whose nature it is to help others. These types of people warm our hearts and restore our faith in the good we know exists in humanity and we have every reason to be grateful for their presence in our lives and in the world.

For all the wonderful people I have shared parts of my journey with there have been just as many people who caused me pain, tore me down, abused me, hit me, yelled at me, hassled me, bullied me, made me ill, made me feel small, scared me, broke my heart, ignored me, told me I wasn’t good enough, told me I was wrong, stupid, pathetic, crazy, an idiot, criticised me, gossiped about me, broke my heart, caused me trauma and distress, caused things I had spent a huge amount of time, effort and energy creating to be destroyed and bla bla bla.

Many in this world seem to think that success is about having “things”, the more they have the happier they think they will be. Many see success in terms of how much money one accumulates or how high up the corporate ladder they climb or even how well known they become. Success in this world is often portrayed as being linked with money – the more you have the more successful you are.

Personally I don’t see any of that and never have done for I see success as being the ability to feel just as much love and gratitude for those who have treated us badly as we have for those who have, without a second thought, gone out of their way to assist us whenever we have needed whatever we have needed.

For it seems to me it is a combination of both types of people who show us what we truly need to know about ourselves, who give us strength, teach us love and forgiveness and who help us become our full potential.

When we feel total love and gratitude for all that has been, is and is yet to be, and can truly see the gifts of love given by those who we feel have treated us badly – we have peace and well personally I don’t know of any greater success than that.

Cheers, Cheryl.
Copyright. C. O’Connor 2014.

•*´☾☆☽`*•…

‪#‎Cheryl‬ O’Connor.
‪#‎Holistic‬ ‪#‎Counsellor‬, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.
* Creative & Artistic Therapies.
* Specialising in ‪#‎Dream‬ ‪#‎Analysis‬/‪#‎Conscious‬ ‪#‎Dreaming‬ & ‪#‎Shamanic‬ Journeying.
* ‪#‎Reiki‬/‪#‎Seichim‬ Treatments & Attunements.
* Isis ‪#‎Meditation‬.

Newsletter Subscription @ bit.ly/CheocoNews – All subscribers will receive a 10% discount on their first initial consultation for any of my services along with 10 pages of awesome tips and tricks to help you start deciphering the language of your Soul, your dreams, as well as the symbolism of what appears to you daily.

Website @ www.cheocoenterprises.com
My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available – bit.ly/Cheocoshop

FB: https://www.facebook.com/cheocoenterprises
Skype: cheryloconnor333

Twitter: Cheryl O’Connor@Cheoco99
Email: cheoco99@yahoo.com.au

Image: Valerie Sjodin