Health and Well Being

Killer Stress: How Modern Life is Breaking Us

It seems fairly acceptable in our society these days to accept stress as “normal.” Technology designed to make life easier has, in fact, made life busier, with a constant flow of information, requests, and demands on our time. We live dictated by calendars, bank balances, and the ticking of the clock, numbers we react to as though they were threats.

More and more automated voice options on phones that fail to connect us to an actual human being add to our daily tension, offering less support and more frustration. Time for real food and deep connection shrinks as we all become… “so busy.”

Once, we wrote letters, posted them, and waited. Now, emails ping, and we feel a pressure to respond instantly. It’s not just a pace; it’s a mindset of urgency. Productivity is the new idol, and the pressure to outperform for profit isn’t just found in the workplace, it’s embedded in our nervous systems (Rosen, 2020).

We’re saturated with disasters, grief, and horror from every corner of the globe. Not only is this overwhelming, but our stress response is being constantly triggered by situations we can’t control (Sahakian et al., 2015). Gratitude for safety is real but so is the burden of helplessness. And the truth is: we can always turn it off. But often, we don’t.

The deeper issue is that when we do need to hibernate, retreat, rest, withdraw, we’re told we’re lazy, self-indulgent, or not resilient enough (Biron et al., 2012).

Even our own government has proposed raising the age at which people become eligible for support—further extending the years we’re expected to stay in the workforce. The message is clear: keep working, keep producing, keep pushing. And burnout? That’s just the cost of survival, apparently a cruel irony when burnout is already rampant.

Snappy voices, reactive outbursts, and social disengagement often stem from chronic stress. People aren’t present. They’re time-travelling, replaying the past or pre-living future disasters. And that lack of presence? That’s the real cost (Kabat-Zinn, 2005).

We are not machines. Yet we expect ourselves to operate like them. Even computers need a reboot. When was your last one?

The Myth of Multitasking

One of the greatest myths of modern life is that multitasking makes us more efficient. In reality, the human brain cannot focus on multiple complex tasks at once. We are constantly context-switching, splitting our attention and taxing our cognitive resources (Rosen, 2020). This increases errors, reduces memory recall, and heightens stress.

Multitasking is not mastery. It’s a nervous system constantly being yanked in different directions. No wonder we feel scattered.

Rest as Resistance

There is a growing movement that names rest not as a luxury, but as a form of resistance. Tricia Hersey, founder of The Nap Ministry, reminds us: “Rest is a spiritual practice. Rest is a form of resistance because it disrupts and pushes back against capitalism and white supremacy.”

We are not designed to be endlessly productive. We are cyclical beings, wired to ebb and flow, to rise and retreat. The feminine principle, whether expressed in any gendered body, calls for restoration, reflection, and radical slowness (Hersey, 2022).

Returning to Rhythm

There was a time when our rhythms followed the sun. When life was made, not consumed. When tribe, rest, music, growing, laughing, and storytelling were at the heart of our days.

What we now call “stress” was once a short-term survival response. Adrenaline kicks in when we’re under threat, giving us power to run or fight. It was never meant to be a way of life (McEwen, 2007). Fifteen minutes. That’s the optimal duration of a stress response before the body starts to take damage (Selye, 1976).

But when stress becomes constant? The effects show up in every system of the body: high blood pressure, anxiety, insomnia, digestive disorders, muscle pain, and emotional exhaustion. Stress is not just uncomfortable—it’s biologically destructive. And yet we carry on, until our bodies force us to stop (Sapolsky, 2004; van der Kolk, 2014).

Language That Triggers Stress

Even the language we use is steeped in nervous system activation. We’re “alarmed” out of bed. We hit “panic buttons.” We race to meet “deadlines.” We juggle tasks and “crash” by evening.

Words matter. They shape our perception and perception creates our reality. A slower, kinder vocabulary begins the rewiring process.

Pause Practices

To reclaim the present moment is an act of healing. Here are a few gentle ways to begin:

  1. Hand on Heart – Pause. Breathe. Feel the warmth of your own touch. You’re here.
  2. Barefoot Grounding – Stand on earth. Feel your soles reconnect with soil, sand, stone.
  3. Three Deep Breaths – Inhale through the nose. Exhale through the mouth. Let it go.
  4. Digital Sabbath – Choose one hour, one afternoon, or one day to unplug.

A Story Worth Remembering

There is a story in Women Who Run With the Wolves. You can find it on page 328. The story is called The Three Gold Hairs. It fits extremely well into the scenario of stress in our modern world. We become the old and withered dying man, lost in the dark forest of overwork. Until, finally, we remember. We are human beings, not human doings.

To nurture, to rest, to dream is not laziness. It’s medicine.

And like a steaming apple pie, fresh from the oven, everyone will want a piece of you. Just remember—leave some for yourself. And bake a new one before you run out.

With care,

Cheryl
© Cheryl O’Connor 2025. All rights reserved.

Please do not reproduce without permission. Sharing with credit and a link is welcome.

References

Biron, C., Brun, J. P., & Ivers, H. (2012). Extent and sources of occupational stress in university staff. Work, 42(4), 739–750. https://doi.org/10.3233/WOR-2012-1427

Ellis, A. (1994). Reason and emotion in psychotherapy. Carol Publishing Group.

Estés, C. P. (1992). Women who run with the wolves: Myths and stories of the wild woman archetype. Ballantine Books.

Hersey, T. (2022). Rest is resistance: A manifesto. Little, Brown Spark.

Kabat-Zinn, J. (2005). Coming to our senses: Healing ourselves and the world through mindfulness. Hyperion.

McEwen, B. S. (2007). Physiology and neurobiology of stress and adaptation: Central role of the brain. Physiological Reviews, 87(3), 873–904.

Rosen, L. D. (2020). The distracted mind: Ancient brains in a high-tech world. MIT Press.

Sahakian, B. J., et al. (2015). The impact of neuroscience on society: Cognitive enhancement in neuropsychiatric disorders and in healthy people. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B, 370(1677), 20140214.

Sapolsky, R. M. (2004). Why zebras don’t get ulcers: The acclaimed guide to stress, stress-related diseases, and coping. Holt Paperbacks.

Selye, H. (1976). The stress of life (Rev. ed.). McGraw-Hill.

van der Kolk, B. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.

Beyond the To-Do List

For many of us, simply being present, fully here, right now, is one of the greatest challenges we face. In Western culture especially, we’re conditioned to think in linear terms: past, present, future. We track what has been, plan what’s next, and often measure our lives by where we’re going and what we hope to achieve. We make lists, set goals, and feel comforted by having a plan. But underneath it all, we may be reacting not to what’s real, but to a story we’ve told ourselves about how things should go.

My mum, bless her, was the Queen of Organisation. With four children and a job, she had to be. Each of us had assigned chores, and our weeks were structured down to the minute. I grew up knowing exactly what I’d be doing, and when. While life still threw curveballs, I found the predictability comforting. When I became a mother myself, I quickly saw how being organised helped ease stress, and that habit carried over into my work life.

Over three decades in the legal industry only reinforced that rhythm. Planning ahead, meeting deadlines, staying in routine, all of it created a sense of order in what was often a stressful environment. But over time, the rhythm became a rut. I began to feel stuck, drained of joy, and quietly suffocated by the very structure that once kept me afloat. I also realised that when organisation becomes too rigid, it stops being helpful. It becomes control.

As I deepened in awareness, I started to sense that time, at least as we know it, might not actually exist. That all time is now. That things unfold not when we want them to, but when the energy aligns. And from that perspective, life became gentler. I stopped expecting things to go a certain way, and with that, emotional reactions softened. I found myself detaching, from outcomes, from expectations, from old habits of control.

I made fewer plans. “Going with the flow” evolved into being the flow. I became more spontaneous. I let things go if they weren’t working, and trusted that something better might be waiting to fall into place. The most I now plan is a basic outline, one day at a time. As for those job interview questions like, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”, I’ve come to see them as part of a cultural story that often robs us of presence, creativity, and possibility. How can we know what five years will bring? Sometimes, we don’t even know what the next five minutes will bring.

I learned the hard way: plans rarely go according to plan.

Now, if something I want to do just isn’t flowing, I don’t push it. If the energy is not aligned, I let it be. I’ve noticed how stressed people get when things don’t go “according to plan”, the frustration, the disappointment, the tension it can cause in relationships. But often, those delays or disruptions are gifts. Protection. Rearrangements. Or just not the right time yet. The puzzle pieces aren’t in place. And when they are, everything clicks.

I thought I had this all sorted. Skeletal plan? Check. Present moment awareness? Check. Calendar reminders so I didn’t forget the essentials?  Check. It was working beautifully, until one day when I found myself in a situation where communication had been unclear, and I didn’t know what I was “meant” to be doing next. I’d been told one thing, then it suddenly changed. I felt confused, unprepared, and frustrated.

Old habits kicked in: irritation, storytelling, the mental narrative of how it should have been communicated differently. And underneath it all, discomfort. My little comfort zone, small as it was, had been nudged.

Then came the gentle wisdom of another: Does it really matter what you are doing next?

In that moment, I had to laugh. Who was creating the confusion? The person who hadn’t communicated clearly? Or me, reacting to a story in my head, projecting into the future, and leaving the present moment behind?

It was such a simple lesson, offered in such an effective way: Just show up. Be present. Do what’s needed in the moment of now. Let go of the rest.

© Cheryl O’Connor, 2025. All rights reserved.
Please do not reproduce without permission. Sharing with credit and a link is welcome.

Coming into One’s Own Power

Last week I shared some of the wisdom to be garnered from Dreams if we have obtained the knowledge and skills to use their guidance.  This week the story continues by illustrating just how powerful dreams can be in relation to uncovering the depth of a situation, assisting us to shed and heal conditioned patterns of behaviour we can repeatedly subconsciously attract to us, whilst also transforming our reactive behaviours into responses.

In Dreaming, a male I have known for over a decade approaches me, he has a blonde woman with him. I know they are here to tell me they are wanting to be together, and then he says so.  He appears intoxicated as a consequence of either alcohol or perhaps some type of drugs. It is obvious he is not thinking or acting clearly in his normally lucid non-reactive, kind and empathetic manner.  His aggressiveness in this situation creates a huge argument between us, the first ever, and to end it as I have no time or energy for arguing with anyone, I tell him that’s fine, off you go then, but don’t say I haven’t warned you about the woman you are choosing to involve yourself with. 

Then the woman in the dream is suddenly holding both my wrists and will not let go.  I feel infuriation at this violation and bondage.  I start screaming at her, using expletives, to let go of my wrists.  I struggle with her and eventually break free.  Her grip had been tight and left its’ mark.  Having freed myself, I am right in her face, screaming at her that if she EVER does that to me again, I will knock her out cold and kick her arse to the kerb.  I can’t recall feeling so enraged and explosive, in a very long time.

The scene shifts and I am now in “Observer Mode”.  My awareness is looking at the scene of the three of us. Paths appear, one to my left and one to my right.  The left leads towards a dark, murky, icky feeling place and the right to a space of brightness, vibrancy, colour, peace and love.  My friend and this woman take the left path together and as I am deciding which path I will take, the lines from Stairway to Heaven,

“Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
There’s still time to change the road you’re on”

come to mind.

I do not follow my friend and this woman, for I choose, at that moment, to take the right path and see myself walking away in that direction.

For me left is symbolic of past, of what is needing to be left behind, is coming from the past or what type of behaviour is needing to be let go of if a symbolic aspect of Self moves in that direction.  Right is future and forward movement because all that yet awaits us is there on our “right” path.

Emerging from this experience, I felt clarity and peace regarding the action I now knew I needed to take, which I previously hadn’t been experiencing. A parting of the ways was coming between this friend and me and it was up to me to cut the ties after a month of retreating and putting together the puzzle pieces.  For the sake of both our continued growth and learning and perhaps even healing purposes, there was nothing more of value, for now, we could bring into each other’s lives. I knew whatever now awaited both of us, I would need some alone time and ultimately, we would both need different people in our lives to accomplish it with.  If subconsciously, or perhaps consciously, the obnoxious manner in which I felt I had been treated, was being done deliberately to push me away it was working effectively but it really was not necessary. An honest conversation would have been much more preferable but that is how he appeared to be choosing to deal with it. 

The dream’s messages and what this waking reality was showing me revealed that once again I was dealing with masculine energy I had been attracting since childhood. It was exactly the same energy as my two main male role models had been, unavailable in one form or another and/or abusive and disrespectful.  The woman symbolised the part of me who had been holding me back, keeping me feeling loyal to my friend and hopeful of the various things we had discussed we would like to do together, which never came to pass. Synchronicity began coming into play also with numbers and other symbols/signs that were coming my way.  The final confirmation arrived when I heard the song “Time to move on”, by Tom Petty, for the first time. 

The path before me was clear as were the underlying reasons for my friend’s behaviour.  The gift they were freely giving me was that I was in yet another, and I highly suspect and hope the last, process of freeing myself from this unfulfilling energy that I had always given my all to where others were concerned and in return I would be ultimately shocked by their behaviour, brought down, abused and held back.  

Events then occurred which showed me clearly those who try to fool me, only truly fool themselves as all I had intuitively known, came to pass.  I cannot say the process was painless, even though I acted swiftly, not dissimilar to the Queen of Swords energy in the Tarot, once I knew the time was right to state my intention to walk away and leave the pair of them to it.  So whilst my friend was busy reactively blowing up long-standing bridges to smithereens with myself and my family, thanks to my inner guidance and wisdom, I was able to fully grieve the loss of this longstanding friendship and walk away calmly, with peace and acceptance, grace, integrity and gratitude, taking many beautiful and funny memories with me. 

The only permanent aspect of life is impermanence and when I know intuitively, something is going on that just doesn’t make any logical sense I take extra notice of what my dreams are telling me. If I need to make a change in my life, regardless of how painful I know it will be for me, I will do so because if I don’t, I am just putting off the inevitable.  It’s a futile exercise and a total waste of what precious little time I have left of my life, as it just creates more pain and suffering for myself and others, the longer I put it off.  If I delay for too long, life situations will arise that historically have made the situation even worse, created very unpleasant memories, some of which have been traumatic and are akin to a Universal kick up the backside or clip around the ear, in order to keep me moving, changing, growing, learning and evolving.

The past six months or so have been ones of great change where my intrinsic values and boundaries of how I want to be treated by others have become a lot clearer and firmer. Many folk have fallen by the wayside as a result and the dynamics in some other relationships has also altered for the better.  To those who did fall by the wayside I wish you all well and am grateful for all the known and unknown love and support you have gifted me with, in my journey towards stepping back into my own power more fully after three decades, so far, of healing from the abusive and dishonest and unkind behaviour, I had been attracting most of my life, until recently, in one form or another.  Inner growth: It never stops.

© Cheryl O’Connor, February 2020.

Race and Racism in Australia.

Race as a social construct came into being alongside capitalism.  When European colonists arrived in Australian with their ethnocentric ideology, racist foundations became the building blocks upon which inequity and institutions were built. As a result, the trauma and inequality created for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders by colonialism has, and continues to, impact detrimentally on their health and well-being despite Governments expending large sums of money on programs and services to close the gap between Indigenous and non-Indigenous outcomes in relation to health. The colonialist mentality of racism in Australia towards Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people is maintained by three main forms of racism; institutionalised, interpersonal and internalised. Institutionalised racism, particularly within the health system, is creating a plethora of inequity issues which are resulting in high mortality rates amongst Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander communities.

The publication of The Origin of Species, written by biologist and philosopher Charles Darwin in 1859, led to eugenics, phrenology, ethnocentricity and Social Darwinism, and subsequently race and racism began.  Darwin’s theory of evolution and natural selection proposed that differences between human beings, such as skin colour, equated to different races of human beings existing and therefore those who did not have the same attributes as Europeans were classified as being of a different species, or race (Hollinsworth 2006, p.32). His theory added scientific credence to, and fueled the fire of, the political, social and medical discourses being espoused by Herbert Spencer, an English sociologist, biologist and prominent liberal political theorist (Hollinsworth 2006, p.32). Darwin’s theory led to Social Darwinism being established within European society (Hollinsworth 2006, p.32). Race and racism was therefore founded on the politics of eugenics and the medical and political discourses which spread globally during the end of the nineteenth century and into the twentieth century (Bastos, Harnois & Paradies 2016, p.209). Eugenics is the science of controlling breeding within populations so there is an increasing manifestation of the required genetic characteristics (Galton 1904, p.1). Indigenous Australians were seen by European colonists to be situated at the very bottom of a hierarchical ladder which Europeans existed at the summit of (Germov & Poole 2007, p. 284). This mentality was known as ethnocentricity which is when a belief exists that your own culture or ethnic group is superior to another (Bizumic & Duckitt 2012, p.887). It was also seen by Europeans that Indigenous people were inferior biologically due to the pseudo-scientific theory of phrenology which equated skull size and shape as being able to determine a person’s character (Germov & Poole 2007, p. 284).  With eugenics, phrenology and ethnocentricity firmly implanted in the minds of the colonists who invaded Australia, it takes little sociological imagination to understand why European colonists behaved as they did towards Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people.

When the invasion of Australia by the British occurred in 1770 they brought with them fixed mindsets of capitalism and Social Darwinism and the colonisation of Australia began. Colonialism relates to a system being implemented whereby an individual or group of individuals seek to dominate others (Horvath 1972, p.46). Sociological theorist Pierre Bourdieu referred to colonialism as a forceful system of oppression based on racist beliefs which seeks to reorganise social kinships and at the same time establish a crossbred society (Go 2013, p. 49).Colonialism is also a powerful and aggressive action taken by people to possess land and exploit it, along with the Indigenous people who occupy that land, with no regard to the original inhabitants, their culture or their existing laws (Horvath 1972, p. 46). Karl Marx believed this type of domination occurs out of an economic basis and is a symptom of capitalism (Horvath 1972, p.46). Horvath states colonisation creates and perpetuates social injustice (Horvath 1972, p.46). Colonists were of the fear-based view that Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people were savages who were dangerous, yet childlike (Hollinsworth 2006, p.33).As such, great measures to establish and maintain superior paternalistic power and control over Indigenous Australians began because of unconsciously based scientific racist beliefs (Hollinsworth 2006, p. 34). This fear-based power and control continued to have a stronghold in Australia into the later part of last century (Hollinsworth 2006, p. 34). Because of Darwin’s theory of natural selection, Indigenous Australians were seen to be a separate race of people who colonists believed were destined to die out anyway (Hollinsworth 2006, p. 35).It was often the situation that anyone who protested the horrendous treatment Indigenous people received whilst colonisation was occurring, were met with rebuttal (Hollinsworth 2006, p. 35).It was also seen to be worthy of celebration by colonists, not lamentation, that the extinction of an inferior race was occurring, with their help (Hollinsworth 2006, p. 35).  The attempted assimilation which occurred of trying to change the genetics of Indigenous Australians was a direct result of eugenics. It was these underlying beliefs colonisers held which established Australia’s institutions and created the systemic racism which still exists within those institutions today.

Institutionalised racism lays at the core of all of Australia’s systems and is closely linked with capitalism. Race and racism in Australia can be understood as being maintained institutionally when looked at through the sociological lens of Foucault’s theory that governmental control occurs via the power maintained in institutional systems, which then becomes internalised normality within society (Germov & Poole 2007, p. 287).From a Marxists perspective Governments would not want to change the existing institutionalised racism because to do so would alter the balance of power which would no longer serve the interests of capitalism (Germov & Poole 2007, p. 287).  Racism is defined as a discriminatory dispersal of chances, assistance or capital implemented by the dominant culture over minority groups of different race or ethnicity (Paradies, 2018, 0.42 – 1.44). Institutionalised racism has been defined as having its basis in historical social scenarios which continues due to frameworks that preserve prior discriminations (Jones 2001, p.1212). Institutionalised racism is often seen to be legalised and lays within the policies and practices of institutions, whilst also being apparent when procrastination occurs, instead of action, in relation to needs not being met (Jones 2001, p.1212). Evidence shows that racism, whilst not a set target in the Close the Gap Report 2008 (Parliament of Australia undated, p. n/a), has been recognised by the Federal Government in the Close the Gap Report Review 2018 (Australian Human Rights Commission 2018, p.3) and in the National Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Health Plan 2013-2023 (Australian Government Department of Health 2013, p.8). Due to institutionalised racism, which has become the societal norm, many Australians do not see their unconsciously conditioned biases perpetuate not only the racism the country’s systems were built on, but also that they serve to maintain the inequality between Indigenous and non-Indigenous Australians which began over two hundred years ago.

Interpersonal racism, along with institutionalised racism and deficit discourses within politics and the media are having an adverse effect on the mental and physical health of Indigenous Australians. Interpersonal racism can be conscious or unconscious and appears in society by way of stereotyping, lack of service, ignoring, lack of respect and devaluation (Jones 2001, p.1213).Institutionalised racism, combined with interpersonal racism lead to internalised racism, which involves taking on the limiting beliefs about oneself which have been projected by the dominant culture onto the minority group (Jones 2001, p. 1213).Internalised racism can also lead to a lack of self-worth, lack of belief in peers and in one’s self (Jones 2001, p. 1213).  The general dominant political and media discourse in Australia is increasing the inequality many minority groups encounter from the dominant culture (Hollinsworth 2006, p. 246). Since 1996, when the Howard Government came into power, there has been a steadily growing manufactured erosion of social justice and equal rights occurring in Australia via an official discourse being implemented through laws based on fear and envy (Hollinsworth 2006, p 246). This stance will only lead to increasing inequality, endangering existing social structures and possibly result in an increase in violence occurring (Hollinsworth 2006, p. 246). Combined with these deficit discourses created by non-indigenous media and politicians in Australia towards Indigenous Australians, racism has been found to be detrimental to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders health as they all impact adversely psychologically, emotionally and in relation to their overall social wellbeing.

Perceptions of race and racism within Australian have been shown, through a variety of micro and macro level methods, to reveal health care barriers exist for Indigenous Australians which do not exist for non-Indigenous Australians. Systemic racism not only has detrimental outcomes such as depression, suicide, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder for Indigenous Australians, but it also creates significant economic impacts on society (Paradies 2016, p.1). In 2016 it was estimated that racial discrimination cost the Australian economy approximately 37.9 billion dollars per annum (Paradies 2016, p.1). A study conducted during 2012 and 2013 revealed thirty percent of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people suffer from extreme psychological and emotional occurrences of depression or anxiety (Australian Institute of Health and Welfare 2015, p. 71). This figure is extraordinarily high when one considers that Indigenous Australians make up only three percent of the national population (Bastos, Harnois & Paradies 2016, p.211). Further, it was revealed in 2012 that Indigenous Australians experience higher rates of suicide than non-Indigenous Australians with deaths being predominantly higher for males between the ages of twenty-five and twenty-nine (Australian Bureau of Statistics 2012, p. n/a). The statistics of deaths based on a scale of one hundred thousand per population for this age group show that non-Indigenous male deaths by suicide peak at twenty percent and Indigenous males peak at ninety percent (Australian Bureau of Statistics 2012, p. n/a). In 2014 a General Social Survey was conducted to determine the degree racial discrimination intersects with other areas of discrimination such as, gender, sexuality, class and age within Australia, in creating access barriers to health care (Bastos, Harnois & Paradies 2016, p.209). The results concluded perceived racism was a major factor creating a barrier in accessing health care, particularly mental health (Bastos, Harnois & Paradies 2016, p.216). There is ample available research which indicates that the social construct of race is responsible for the ongoing high mortality rates occurring within Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander communities. Racism in its various forms is not only creating barriers to accessing health care but creating ongoing psychological and emotional distress for a large percentage of Indigenous Australians.

According to sociologists, Australia has moved into a time of post-modernity and post-colonialism, but the evidence clearly shows the social construct of race and the racism which stems from it continues to be maintained by way of institutionalised racism. Post-colonialism came into being late in the twentieth century (Eagleton 2011, p. 222).It is defined as a time when physical violence is no longer being perpetrated to take land (Hollinsworth 2006, p.246). This may be the situation; however, it appears that a new form of racism has taken the place of the past brutal dispossession, assimilation and genocide. Known as new racism, this form revolves around the structure and appearance of racism in relation to pecuniary and socio-traditional variances which exist between the overriding and minority cultures within a country (Germov & Poole 2007, p. 287).Post-colonialism studies look at the relationships between oppressors and oppressed existing in countries that have been colonised (Germov & Poole 2007, p. 287).Indigenous identity, which post-colonialism also concerns itself with, has been revealed via various institutional policies to have been manipulated to implement and validate dominant policies (Germov & Poole 2007, p. 288).Colonialism was rooted in racism and whilst many perceive both exist historically and are no longer apparent, both still exist within capitalism as the Western thinking of those in power continues to be based on the taking of other people’s land who are not in positions to stop them (Jureidini & Poole 2003, p.246). It is in the continuation of institutionalised racism and subsequent racist policies and practices, by those in power within the Westernised political system, that inequity continues to grow and create an ever-widening gap between capitalist politicians and those who they deem to be inferior.

Race and racism are social constructs designed by the political upper class in Europe in the late 1800s based on ethnocentricity. Institutionalised racism has created discrimination, exploitation, distress and inter-generational trauma which is still impacting on Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people. Whilst State and Federal Governments have spent voluminous sums of money on programs and services to bring about more equality between non-Indigenous and Indigenous Australians in relation to health, they have failed. Up until 2013 they did not recognise that systemic racism within Australian institutions is responsible for the lack of equity, agency, health issues, self-governance and self-determination Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders have been and still are experiencing.

Copyright: C. O’Connor, November 2018.

Reference List

Australian Bureau of Statistics 2012, Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander suicide deaths overview, viewed 21 October 2018, http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs@.nsf/Products/40080452773CE5D5CA257A4500045E5F?opendocument

Australian Government Department of Health 2013, National Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Health Plan 2013-2023, p. 8, viewed 18 October 2018 http://www.health.gov.au/natsihp

Australian Human Rights Commission 2018, A ten-year review: The Closing the Gap Strategy and Recommendations for Reset: Close the Gap 2018 – Human Rights, p. 3 viewed 16 October 2018 https://www.humanrights.gov.au/sites/default/files/document/publication/CTG%202018_FINAL-WEB.pdf

Australian Institute of Health and Welfare 2015, The health and welfare of Australia’s Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people’s, viewed 22 October 2018, https://www.aihw.gov.au/getmedia/584073f7-041e-4818-9419-39f5a060b1aa/18175.pdf.aspx?inline=true\

Bastos, J, Harnois, C & Paradies, Y 2018, ‘Health care barriers, racism, and intersectionality in Australia’, Social Science & Medicine, vol. 199, pp. 209 – 218. doi: 10.1016/j.socscimed.2017.05.010

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Eagleton, T 2011, Why Marx was right, Yale University Press, New Haven.

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Horvath, R 1972, ‘A Definition of Colonialism’, Current Anthropology, vol. 13, no. 1, pp.45–57. doi:10.1086/201248

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Jureidini, R. & Poole, M 2003. Sociology: Australian connections, 3rd edn, Allen & Unwin, Crows Nest, N.S.W.

Paradies, Y 2013. ‘A Culturally Respectful and Non-Discriminatory Health System’, Viewed 26 August 2018, https://vimeo.com/11864669

Parliament of Australia, Social Policy, undated, viewed 20 October 2018, https://www.aph.gov.au/About_Parliament/Parliamentary_Departments/Parliamentary_Library/pubs/BriefingBook44p/ClosingGap

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ADDICTION FROM A SHAMANIC VIEWPOINT

It is becoming clearer to many that addiction is a disease or illness, not a choice we consciously make that we should be punished for. God knows we punish ourselves and suffer enough in this life without “society” and law makers punishing us further simply because we are not well. A very long time ago I read that all disease could be seen as dis-ease i.e. not being at ease or at peace with ourselves. So is addiction to anything actually really just dis-ease? The roots of which lay in learned behaviour?

Addiction is, from my perception, certainly a symptom of a far deeper cause than that which lays on the behavioural, psychological and physiological surface.  Western medicine primarily always looks at symptoms and what can be seen, attempts to treat that solely usually with chemicals or surgery and rarely does it look for causes that to the naked or microscopic eye are unseen. Yet when we find and heal cause within ourselves of physical symptoms, dis-ease, or behaviour we do not find acceptable, would like to not be experiencing or are subconsciously participating in, the symptoms just simply no longer exist. From birth we are taught to seek outside ourselves for what we need to make us feel good – love, encouragement, nurturing, guidance, cuddles, belief in ourselves etc.

As the child of an alcoholic step-father and cigarette smoking mother their addictions became learned behaviour for me so it stood to reason that as they were the two main ways in which I was shown adults behaved and coped with whatever they were trying to cope with, that I would naturally follow in their footsteps. As a teenager from about 14 onwards after a rape situation occurred I began to consume cigarettes. Not long after when I left home due to the situation I was living in there, I began to consume alcohol and drugs to the point I damn near killed myself. Surviving on little food, drugs, cigarettes, coffee and alcohol was not at all healthy, nor was it a good mix, reducing my weight so dramatically after six months, the only clothes I could wear were size 16 children’s clothing and I was so unwell that not even my own mother recognised me.

I didn’t feel that anyone cared about me, so why should I care? What did it really matter whether I lived or not? All I wanted to do was have a good time and feel better. I did not want, at all, to feel the pain and sadness of not feeling loved, cared for, cared about or understood, of being hit, yelled at, controlled, nor the fear of the alcoholic induced, often physical, arguments and abuse I had been living with since about 6 years of age on a regular and totally unpredictable basis.

To say I, like so many people in this world, grew up in a dysfunctional environment is putting it mildly. My consumption of alcohol, drugs and cigarettes lessened for a short while after another whose love for me quite literally saved my life by showing me they were the only person in my life who did care which gave me the gift of hope and I once again started ingesting regular meals.   I then slid back into copious ingesting of drugs, alcohol and cigarettes whenever I got the opportunity to do so after I was involved in a fatal car accident at 17 in which the young man I had been living with for six months was killed. Back in those days there was no counselling available like there is now.

There was also no funeral and no grave for this young man who lost his life to a drunk driver at only 23 years of age. I was seriously injured and it took a good six months for me to learn how to walk again. The only words I heard at the time from my step-father were “Write down how much pain you are in each day so we can get more money.” The only people in my family who even said they were sorry I had been injured and this young man had died was my mother and one of my step-brothers.   For everyone else in my immediate circle it seemed to me to be a case of suck it up buttercup and just get on with your life.

Drugs, cigarettes and alcohol became my friends, they numbed me from feeling all that was going on inside me. They distracted me and they became my “pain killers”, my “feel good medicine” of choice because I simply had no knowledge of other coping skills I could utilise. The catch being, as all addicts know, is that once we start down this path our brains and our bodies tell us we need more and more “feel good medicine” and “pain killers” to maintain that feel good state of being, to actually cope and survive, to not feel all that pain, anger, grief and sadness living within us that is so very real and raw and it is a very slippery slope we travel until eventually we either kill our bodies or our lives fall apart so badly we hit rock bottom.

We have two choices if we actually do survive and hit rock bottom, continue as we have done and physically die, or trawl the depths and start to bounce back from what feels like the bottomless black hole we have been sucked into that also very much feels like a literal hell or nightmare there often seems to be no escaping from.   Thankfully I was one who chose to trawl the depths and bounce back when in 1992 at 28 I was again faced with my own impending physical death.

What I came to understand as I started to walk the path of the Shaman which was a path that at the time I had no clue I was even walking, was that I, like so many other folk in this world, was actually experiencing what in Shamanic terms is known as Soul loss.

Soul loss can best be described as us becoming like the walking dead, merely surviving, not living and thriving as was intended, simply because who we truly are is not fully present in our bodies.  Parts of us that have not wanted to feel grief, trauma, fear, shock, loss or pain have fragmented off into the subconscious abyss and in very simple terms it is like we are not fully at home in our bodies when we are ingesting substances or distracting ourselves with addictive behaviours or by external means in order to make us feel better or not feel our pain. It is literally like we have huge energetic holes in us, great gaping wounds that we defend, need others to fill, or don’t want to feel the pain of because they are so raw and we are so very vulnerable.

These energetic holes we have, we attempt to fill with external substances or means which consequentially then just make our bodies and our minds very sick indeed. We behave in ways not previously known to us once we start on the road of addiction and it is also not behaviour that those close to us know from us as being “normal”. How many times does the drunken or high person just not seem to be themselves? It is like we become totally different people, often aggressive, angry, totally uncaring and hurtful towards others simply because we are hurting and we just don’t give a damn. We become harmful to ourselves and others and we often have absolutely no memory the next day of our behaviour.

Our behaviour however is NOT us, it is a symptom or cover up if you like hiding whatever we have experienced or been conditioned to believe. How many times does the drunken or drugged person lash out in Jekyll and Hyde fashion?   You never really know what to expect but you just know that who you know that person to be is no longer present in the body in front of you.   This is because we are definitely NOT ourselves at all. Who we truly are is no longer contained in our bodies. What primarily happens with ingesting alcohol and drugs is that when who we truly are checks out of our bodies it’s like an empty house and other “darker” energies with perhaps not so good intentions take over.   This may seem like a very strange and far-fetched concept to many but perhaps for those who have lived it, seen it in others, you will know precisely what I am referring to.

So… how do we heal these gaps and holes we try to fill by external means? How do we stop this happening? How do we change our behaviour? How do we become fully present in our bodies and become whole, well and healthy again?   There is only one way I personally found and that was firstly to make a decision I didn’t want to be that way any longer given that I was so out of control at times, often very re-active, aggressive, defensive, angry, miserable, depressed and more times than not, suicidal.

I did not do the whole re-hab thing, nor did I do AA or have any other types of support in place similar to those, I just said enough when I was faced with my own impending physical death, for the fear of death at 28, which I no longer carry, put the wind up me, literally, and I prayed like I had never prayed in my life prior to be free of it all and to feel nothing but peace, love and acceptance within me.

What ensued was 10 solid years of feeling ever so much grief, trauma, pain, confusion and sadness as I firstly turned to alternative therapies to help heal my body because all the doctors I saw over a six month period all said there was nothing wrong with me – here have some Prozac, meanwhile my body was shutting down more and more each day.   I uncovered and discovered all my physical symptoms were due to constant abuse and unfelt emotions, which I also discovered did not just come from this lifetime but past lifetime experiences as well, all of which had resulted in symptoms associated with having a blocked small intestine and kidneys that were barely working.

I trusted all I was drawn to and underwent attunement to Reiki/Seichim, learnt how to work with my dreams, attended many courses, began walking, meditations and yoga, ate better, studied for two Diplomas in Counselling, one Holistic, one standard that also included some alternative modalities. I read all I could get my hands on, discovering along the way many fragmented parts of me, along with many gifts and skills I never even knew existed within me. Gradually my addictions abated but always there is work to be done.

Physical pains were always linked in with emotional pain, the true cause and source of which came to me either via dreaming or during meditations (which is really the same state of consciousness) and it truly was only in the fully feeling of ALL the emotions that bubbled up from within me and by integrating/re-membering i.e. bringing into being, the fragmented parts of me I re-connected with in The Dreaming, that eventually there was peace. I came to see that time did not exist as we know it to exist, that past definitely has an impact on the present until we heal it by fully feeling it and releasing it (shutting the door on it and just saying past is past, forget it and get on with your life, simply does not work) and that the emotions which came with memories or in the dreaming, meditations etc., were just energy passing through.

Rather than numbing those emotions, once felt and released, with each and every process of integration and release, a strength, love, acceptance, understanding and peace began filling me up like nothing I had ever experienced before. There is an old saying you may have heard of – The cup must be emptied before it can be filled.   This was certainly the case for me and I began to live by the motto which Jamie Sams brought into the world “To feel is to heal.”

Emotional pain is the LAST thing any of us want to feel – we do everything we can to avoid it yet it is only in feeling it, that we truly do heal it and are free of it. Was it easy work?   Definitely not.   Was it lonely work? It certainly was. Was it worth it? Without a doubt. For I learnt the hard way that no matter what I chose to ingest that was external to me, no matter how much I sought love and acceptance externally from others, no matter what I did to feel “better”, and no matter how “strong” I had been to just carry on Columbus and survive it all, the real strength came when I turned fully inward to find, eventually, all I needed was already inside me for me the love, peace, wisdom, knowing and acceptance I was seeking only came when I paid attention to what my dreams and daily life were showing me and what my memories and emotions were telling me about myself and about life. As I uncovered who I truly was I also discovered there would never be a need again for me to re-cover my Self.

To free ourselves from addiction is a huge undertaking as there is so much in this world we can become attached and addicted to. It is however achievable if we have the courage, faith and trust needed to turn inward, face our fears, grief, pain and trauma, feel it all fully and be free of it once and for all. Many of us are so busy telling our stories, which whilst important, does not enable us to actually feel the emotion contained in those stories for our stories come from our heads.

No-one can do this work for us, it is something we all must do for ourselves for it is only in doing for Self that we become more Self-aware, more Self responsible, heal and become more Self empowered. It is not at all selfish to do this work for it brings about self-centeredness, balance, peace, love, acceptance, respect for all life and an awareness of our wholeness with all life, like nothing else we have ever experienced can, all of which is then reflected back to us in the world.

The choice whether we do this work or not is entirely ours to make. We can keep going as we have been or we can quite literally turn our whole world and reality around by coming from the inside out and in doing so move out of the nightmare of externalism, blame, victim mentality, attack, defence and addiction.

Much love and peace to all.

Cheers, Cheryl.

Copyright. C. O’Connor.

Grab your free copy of my Dreamwork Booklet at http://bit.ly/CheocoNews when you sign up for my monthly Newsletter.

*´☾☆☽`*•

#Cheryl O’Connor.
#Holistic #Counsellor, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.
* Creative & Artistic Therapies.
* Specialising in #Dream #Analysis/#Conscious #Dreaming & #Shamanic Journeying.
* #Reiki/#Seichim Treatments & Attunements.
* Isis #Meditation.

Website @ http://www.cheocoenterprises.com

My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available – bit.ly/Cheocoshop

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FORGIVENESS – IS IT REALLY NECESSARY?

Like many I was brought up with a belief that it was necessary to forgive others who I perceived created trauma, heartbreak, grief etc., for me and were hurtful and/or abusive towards me. There were many to forgive in my life and I saw the only way to find peace and acceptance within myself was to do the inner work, feel the pain, shock, trauma etc., and to literally “let it go” and in doing so forgiveness came.

Letting go doesn’t appear to me to occur just in the mind by thinking you should let it go or trying not to think about it, if something is coming into your mind it does so for a reason and for myself letting go only occurs with releasing the energy of whatever emotions have been stored within the body and subconscious from the experience that haven’t yet been fully felt. This combined with “Forgive them for they know not what they do”, which had been drummed into my head as a child, all worked fine and dandy until recently.

There is much written about the necessity of forgiveness and for a while I saw forgiveness as being for giving to self and others.  That worked too for me but as we are all works in progress “stuff” comes up and into our awareness and we also gain more insight and understanding as “time” goes on, becoming more and more conscious.   Things we may have thought 10 – 20 years ago for example no longer apply to so many of us for we are forever evolving and learning. For myself I’ve always been learning, growing and changing and may I never stop doing so.   Much I was sharing some 20 years ago with folk, who thought I was nuts, is now very common to read or over hear being said.

An event had occurred in my life way back that bubbled up emotionally yet again for me to explore.   Of all the events in my life I would have to say that this particular one has had the greatest impact on my life and my heart since it occurred. Many say the past is in the past so just move on, forget about it, let it go, that whatever just wasn’t meant to be and I have always struggled with that concept particularly around this specific incident for I am very aware that past, present and future all exist in now and that the energy of what we label past has a huge impact on ever so many of us.

If it didn’t cultural traditions for better and sometimes yes for worse would not be handed down, people would no longer re-act to things others say and do, there would be no need for “protection” by way of the military or arms and so it goes on.   How often for example does it occur that we have a gut re-action of anxiety, fear, defensiveness or attack, which is purely based on a past experience that is merely being triggered by a present situation?

This particular event in my life is one that wounded my heart very, very deeply. It is not something I will ever forget. It has been something that I have just had to learn to live with and allow the grief to surface and be released as and when it needs to be and so as I found myself re-visiting it yet again, as we do when something is so traumatic and overwhelming that to process it all in one hit is just way too much to cope with, I had the thought and feeling that I needed to forgive behaviour which I found totally manipulative and one of the worst behaviours imaginable to me. Forgiveness had come easily with ever so many folk yet with this particular event I was struggling big time.

I could see the gifts that had been received from the event as my journey through life would never have been what it was if things had of been different and there were ever so many gifts and so much to be grateful for.   Yet forgiveness just was not coming and I started beating myself up about it not coming.   Dreams were indicating that something really yuck and awful was on its way out and physically I became ill for two weeks with flu like symptoms as I was processing it all. My bones ached to the very core of them and I just had to shut down and off to sleep, dream and rest my body.

I then stumbled across a poster that Mena of Mena Canonico DARE to be REAL had shared on Facebook and it was along the lines of there being no need for forgiveness unless we see ourselves as a victim. A light bulb went on for me in the moment of reading that poster and the truth tingles ran rapidly through my body. I was SO delighted to have this come my way as it made perfect sense to me of why I had not for a second been able to feel forgiveness towards others who had created so much grief for me and for another, with their manipulative lies. It was indeed to my heart and head an unforgiveable act of manipulation and certainly not something I would or will ever forget or forgive.

It did however send me off on a tangent at a young age that without the gift of it I never would have taken.   I could clearly see that at a Soul level if you like my path was just meant to be what it was and that these particular people had played their roles beautifully in ensuring I stay on track in order to achieve what I was here to do for myself in terms of healing and learning so that ultimately I could provide a safe, nurturing, validating and sacred space for others to explore themselves in.

Mena’s poster was a life changer for me because it is so very true that when we can see the lessons and gifts, can feel gratitude for all we have experienced and do experience, the good, the bad and the ugly, we gain acceptance and peace and we learn that truly there is nothing to forgive ourselves or anyone else for when you know with every cell of your being that you are NOT a victim, that you chose at some part of you to experience what you did and do experience for your own growth and learning.

This then led to another conversation with a longstanding and very dear friend about blame and judgement and we concluded for now that those too are all part of the Victim mentality. Of things being done “to” us rather than us taking responsibility for our part in the experience and seeing that nothing is ever done “to” us without our consent and permission at some level for we do indeed choose to participate in whatever we experience for our own development and evolution.

There is also much talk about forgiving yourself – for what exactly? For learning, for growing, for becoming the person you have become or are still becoming due to your lessons and experiences? What is there really to forgive yourself for? Why not just work on loving and being proud of yourself instead for being so brave and courageous to choose to experience ever so much that we all do here to ourselves and others, usually in ignorance, in this physical world.

Cheers, Cheryl.

Copyright – C. O’Connor 2015.

•*´☾☆☽`*•

#Cheryl O’Connor.

#Holistic #Counsellor, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.

* Creative & Artistic Therapies.

* Specialising in #Dream #Analysis/#Conscious #Dreaming & #Shamanic Journeying.

* #Reiki/#Seichim Treatments & Attunements.

* #Isis #Meditation.

* Proud member of The Wellness Universe – www.TheWellnessUniverse.com #‎WUVIP

Newsletter Subscription @ bit.ly/CheocoNews – All subscribers will receive a 10% discount on their first initial consultation for any of my services along with 33 awesome tips and tricks to help you start deciphering your dreams, as well as the symbolism of what appears to you daily.
Website @ www.cheocoenterprises.com
My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available – bit.ly/Cheocoshop

GIVE AND TAKE, OR ………….. GIVE AND RECEIVE

Much of the conditioning many of us were brought up with appears to me to be rather somewhat flawed. Is this because of the natural evolution of consciousness or is it just because many who came before us and many of us even now still don’t stop to question what we have been told and believe to be true?

I don’t know the answer to that question for everyone I only know for myself I have always questioned all I have been told because experience tells me that somewhere in between what two or more people believe to be a truth, lays a truth, neither have yet seen.

We’ve all heard the phrase that relationships are a matter of give and take but are they, really?

This implies to me that when we give we believe that we should also take i.e. that if we give to one person then that person is obliged to give to us in return. Often if they don’t, those with a give and take mentality and expectation they will receive land up being disappointed or re-active with a well, what about me attitude.

I was instilled with certain things when I was younger, things that I became conditioned to believe and some of those things I adhere to like manners for they cost nothing and it never hurts to say please or say thank you. It is polite and to me it is respectful and it feels very right in my heart to use those words.  Apart from those two things much of what I grew up with I had to question and this whole give and take mentality was one such thing that never quite rang true with me. It still doesn’t.

So many times I have seen folk who give with the expectation of receiving – it rarely turns out well for when they don’t receive from who they expect to receive from, they become disappointed, resentful and think well why the heck should I help you in future when you need help, when you can’t be bothered to help me.   Often this turns into a situation of people feeling obliged to help so as not to create difficulties in friendships, lose friendships or lose connections with other folk, or for whatever other reason people have for feeling obliged and acting out of obligation, not for the love and passion of doing something.

It is a rather interesting exercise therefore to just give for no other reason than your heart or your consciousness or whatever other part of you gives you the impulse to help and expect absolutely nothing in return. The more you practice this the more awesome things happen in your life.

Not so long ago a very dear friend was not feeling too well, they had been pushing their body really hard in relation to long hours and were feeling rather fluey. Their muscles were aching and they asked if I could give them a quick massage – sure no problems was my response. I also landed up giving them some Reiki/Seichim. During the course of this massage and healing session there was nothing more than just the act of giving with love to someone close to me who needed me to assist them so their body could feel a little better. It wasn’t until after the session that an offer was then made to me that would prove to be very beneficial to me and my work.   I was so chuffed with the offer I took them up on it. It was the last thing I expected for the thought of what they offered me had not even entered my head.

Other times I have seen rewards given to others in many different environments for things they have done which they did willingly and usually out of their own initiative. When rewarded others have gotten their noises out of joint and come from the attitude and mentality of well what about me I did this or I did that, where is my reward?

I am not sure if this is just something that is part of human nature or if it is actually just conditioning we have become accustomed to but I do know this from many experiences …… when we give with no thought of reward, with no expectation that we should take in return or be rewarded in some way for what we ourselves choose to give to another or others, awesome things happen in our lives, usually when we most need them to and we do indeed receive, rather than take.

Cheers, Cheryl.

Copyright – C. O’Connor 2015.

•*´☾☆☽`*•

#Cheryl O’Connor.

#Holistic #Counsellor, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.

* Creative & Artistic Therapies.

* Specialising in #Dream #Analysis/#Conscious #Dreaming & #Shamanic Journeying.

* #Reiki/#Seichim Treatments & Attunements.

* #Isis #Meditation.

* Proud member of The Wellness Universe – www.TheWellnessUniverse.com #‎WUVIP

Newsletter Subscription @ bit.ly/CheocoNews – All subscribers will receive a 10% discount on their first initial consultation for any of my services along with 33 awesome tips and tricks to help you start deciphering your dreams, as well as the symbolism of what appears to you daily.
Website @ www.cheocoenterprises.com
My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available – bit.ly/Cheocoshop

LAUNCHING THE WORLDS FIRST WELLNESS UNIVERSE WEBSITE DIRECTORY

Many of us no doubt wish there was “something” we could do to change much in this world which we see “society” as being responsible for, yet the reality is we are “society”.  Many of us may feel that there really is nothing as individuals we can do other than to wish that change would occur and that humanity as a whole would become more peaceful, compassionate, understanding, respectful and caring individuals when it comes to some of the behaviour we witness occurring courtesy of the media, in our daily lives and via some social media towards others, towards animals and towards the planet we all share.

We come to realise that the only thing we can every truly change is ourselves.  As we change ourselves, so too do we change the world around us, for the changes in ourselves ripple out and touch all we come in contact with.  It can however often be a slow, tiring and painful process to want change to occur all over the world and to still witness behaviour that has been happening on this planet for eons due to greed, blame, resentment, control, power over and manipulation along with a mentality of it’s not impacting on me and my life so what do I care and what really can I do about all of it anyway?

Yet many of us KNOW it really doesn’t have to be this way.  Many of us also want to change ourselves and our re-actions, behaviour, habits etc., but have no idea where we find the resources we need to assist us to do this. For over two decades now I have been putting what I do “out there” and it has been only in more recent times that I have had a Facebook page to do that from.  I don’t have the massive amount of likes at my page some folk have but I have witnessed an increase of over 1,200 “likes” in perhaps 8 months due to the networking I have been doing there and the groups I have become involved with. One such group is The Wellness Universe.

There is no competition in this group, there are no politics, there is only beautiful collaboration, a heartfelt desire and a Soul purpose to live the truth of what we love to do and to assist in bringing change for the better into the lives of those our messages reach, into this world.  There is in this group also only a desire to help each other with information, resources, networking opportunities, sharing and support  and well… finding this group of folk on Facebook for me was like finding my tribe at an oasis after a very long dry, dusty and tiring trek through the desert on my own. For the past twelve months behind the scenes at Facebook, as admins of this group, three very special women Anna Pereira, Sheila Burke and Shari Alyse have been working solidly, assisted by others also, to bring together a World First Website Directory that will showcase the best of the best Facebook Wellness pages (based on certain criteria that is needing to be met).

The impetus for this Directory is that Facebook is pretty much a case of not knowing who is using that platform and what is actually available to you unless you just happen to stumble upon it. My page Cheoco Enterprises,  along with many other pages has been selected as a Top Resource for The Wellness Universe Website Directory which these amazing women have been creating and which you can find here www.TheWellnessUniverse.com It is a Directory of Resources to Expand Your Well-Being and this Friday 23 January at 11.11am (New York time – which is 2.11am here in Brisbane on Saturday 24 January) sees the SITE GOING LIVE! The birthing of this baby being ushered into the world by these very special ladies who have poured endless time, effort, energy and their own funds into during the past 12 months has been in order to provide you  with a Facebook Directory that will showcase the best of the best Wellness Facebook pages by a huge variety of admins, all of whom are movers and shakers and whose Soul purpose it is to assist in creating a better world for all.

As one person no there isn’t a lot many of us can do to help change the whole world but as this group has proven change begins with us as individuals and when we all come together and work together the most powerful, beautiful and amazing changes in the world can and do happen. Personally I have been flat out like a lizard drinking behind the scenes just trying to keep up with it all as these women are a combined powerhouse of ideas, talent, joy, excitement, passion and they are doers.  Which yes is right up my alley 🙂

So please do join us at www.TheWellnessUniverse.com for the launch where you truly will find resources you may never even know existed because the change in this world so many of us would like to see begins within each. From me, here in Queensland, Australia I sign off with a massively huge round of applause and much gratitude in my heart for these 3 women, for achieving such a mammoth task which  was organised so efficiently, ethically, methodically and with such joy, love, enthusiasm and passion for humanity and the beautiful world we all share.

Cheers, Cheryl. Copyright – C. O’Connor 2014. •*´☾☆☽`*• #Cheryl O’Connor. #Holistic #Counsellor, Author & Writer. * Cognitive & Body Based Counselling. * Creative & Artistic Therapies. * Specialising in #Dream #Analysis/#Conscious #Dreaming & #Shamanic Journeying. * #Reiki/#Seichim Treatments & Attunements. * #Isis #Meditation.

* Proud member of The Wellness Universe – www.TheWellnessUniverse.com
#‎WUVIP
Newsletter Subscription @ bit.ly/CheocoNews – All subscribers will receive a 10% discount on their first initial consultation for any of my services along with 33 awesome tips and tricks to help you start deciphering the language of your Soul, your dreams, as well as the symbolism of what appears to you daily.Website @ www.cheocoenterprises.com
My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available – bit.ly/Cheocoshop

HEALING PARENTAL WOUNDS

We all know children do not come with instructions and that we receive no prior “training” in order to become a parent yet for any other job or activity we undertake there is a period of learning before we are deemed “qualified”.   It is very much a learn as you go experience and no-one can really tell you how to do what ultimately becomes the biggest task in your life, nurturing, being responsible for, guiding and teaching another person to an age and a stage where they can and do look after themselves totally and are totally responsible for themselves and their lives.

In times gone past a tribe would be involved in the upbringing of the young ones, then we moved to large family units being involved in their raising but more and more over time we have moved to the reality of just one or perhaps two people taking on this mammoth task of raising young folk and for many who are in pursuit of obtaining adequate housing and lifestyle that is in keeping with the “societal” standard more and more parents are working full time, mostly to pay off debt they incur to live the societal lifestyle standard, whilst leaving their child in another’s care who they do not really know but who has apparently received adequate training in caring for children.

It has me a bit baffled that in order to leave a child in another’s care in day care centres those others have to undergo a lot of training, cannot turn up to work drunk, cannot be abusive emotionally, mentally, physically or sexually, and yet we parents undergo absolutely no such training, nor do we have to meet such criteria.  Our training is usually on the job, in the moment learning.

For others such as single parents it is also often the case that they simply must work in order to keep a roof over their and their children’s heads, clothes on everyone’s back, pay the bills and have food on the table.

It’s a huge task being a parent, often tiring and often stressful as we juggle work and family commitments all the time just winging it as we go.  We all do the best we can with the awareness we have at any given time and really cannot expect much more than that from ourselves, given our lack of preparedness and training for the job.

Many children, like myself, grew up in environments where alcohol abuse, used as a medicine for coping with whatever stresses were being experienced, was common.  We also grew up in an era where copping a flogging was the norm, being told not to behave in certain ways when we got angry, thereby squashing down our emotions or were projected onto by unresolved issues our parents had etc., and today much of what we grew up with would be considered child abuse.

Many of us grew up with wounds being inflicted upon us by our parents behaviour and lack of self-awareness, lack of ability to cope and in dysfunctional families, and many children still are growing up in similar environments being yelled at, put down, living with alcohol or drug addicted or abusive adults, being treated in ways that no doubt are creating wounds for them and forming patterns of behaviour which their parents are handing down to them, just as those who came before them have unconsciously done.

For myself the most mammoth task of parenting came when I would say or do things and think oohh my goodness that is not me, not really, that is my mother.  My first born was a catalyst for me to become aware of and heal many wounds that had been inflicted on me as a child and for that I will always be ever so grateful to her.  In the process though there were wounds unconsciously inflicted on her by me as I juggled full time work, often getting up at 3.30am and not getting back to bed until 9 – 10 o’clock at night.  I was not in a position for several years where I could just not work, it was a necessity to our survival and yes it was exhausting.  The only support available to me at the time was that provided by the day care centre she attended and some assistance from my own grandparents.  For myself I have been working full time 90% of the time since I was a young teenager.

I was not the type of mother who would leave my child and later children on their own and go out clubbing or pubbing.  I did not bring an endless stream of men home nor did I drink alcohol or wipe myself out on drugs.  My child/children have always lived in nice, clean, lovely homes, always been well dressed, never gone without a meal or anything they have really needed.  Luxuries have never really existed and there are many things I would have liked to have done for them or with them but just had no money or time to do those but yes good budget management has no doubt been learned along with many other necessary skills.  There has been the odd holiday here or there locally but for the most part the past 25 years of my life, being an 80% of the time solo parent, has been devoted to raising two children whilst doing all that needs doing at home as well as working mostly full time with just the odd break to that here and there.   Was I a perfect mother, far from it and I never will be.

I spent 10 years in and out of depression and on a mammoth journey to rid myself of all that was no longer serving me or making me happy, whilst going through what is known as a Spiritual Crisis.  I worked solidly on healing the wounds which had been inflicted on me by my parents –  abandonment, abuse, alcoholism and essentially I did the very best I could do given my situation and my need to be responsible for myself and my child/children, just as my parents had done before me.   It wasn’t until I stopped focussing on the self indulgent hard done by mentality and started digging into my parents stories that I uncovered the why of how they had behaved towards me.  I came to realise, with age, that no matter what a parent does for a child, teaches a child to do for themselves, no childhood is EVER going to be perfectly how we as children would like it to be.

I am 50 now, still raising one child on my own and I have two grand-daughters.  For the past two years since a work contract ended I have been working my butt off, often up to 18 hours a day, 7 days a week to study so I have the mainstream qualifications necessary to tie up in a neat bow that which I love to do whilst also establishing a business out of what I love to do, not just doing any longer what I have felt I have needed to do to survive since I walked out of home at 14.  My whole parental life has been a situation of my children are part of my life but they are not my whole entire life as I saw ever so many women whilst I was growing up who made their children their entire life and then once the children had left the nest, as children rightly do, they were lost and had no sense of identity other than being someone’s Mum.

One of the greatest gifts given to me on this journey was seeing how patterns of behaviour have been passed down through the generations and how at some point in every child’s life it is a totally necessary part of growing up and taking responsibility for themselves that they do whatever is needed to also heal the wounds their parents unconsciously inflicted on them and learn to totally stand on their own two feet.   That they cease to blame or accuse their parent/s for whatever they feel or think the parent has or hasn’t done which is not to their liking.

It is said children choose us, we do not choose them and from my experiences with my children that was very much the situation.  Children come through us, they do not belong to us.  We give them the gift of life out of love, what they ultimately do with that life is entirely up to them but there must come a point in all our lives where we stop attacking, blaming and getting our knickers in a twist because our parents didn’t or don’t do what we believe as children or even as adults they “should” do now or should have done way back when, or what we expect them to do.   We all at some stage reach the point where we simply have to start parenting ourselves.  When we love others, truly love them, we have no expectations of them.  We don’t chuck hissy fits at them, nor do we ignore them or be rude to them simply because they are not doing what we think they should be doing or what we want them to do.

Many children these days seem to expect that their parents, after they have raised them and they have children of their own should be there to constantly offer support and guidance and to look after grand-children whilst they go off and do whatever.  Guess what kiddies, many of us grandparents are tired having raised our own families and whilst many of us dearly love our grandchildren and enjoy spending time with them, we have reached an age where we also enjoy our quiet time, when we can get it.

We don’t have the energy we once had nor do we much have the tolerance for noise we used to have.  Life moves, finally, at a bit of a slower pace for us and we have learnt the hard way that having expectations of anyone is just a recipe for heartache and disappointment.   We can no longer be bothered engaging ourselves in the dramas of youth either with your relationship issues and we live very much in the moment of now for we know there truly is no guarantee of tomorrow for any of us.  We’ve learnt that whilst having goals is essential if we are to create and achieve what we would like to experience in life, it is futile making set in cement plans.  Plans rarely ever turn out how we plan and so we move more easily in the flow of life rather than constantly battling with that flow.  Our emotional life has become much more stable, we don’t suffer the highs and lows that we did like a pendulum at full pelt swinging from one extreme to another at a younger age and if things pan out according to skeletal plans made they do, if they don’t we don’t get in a fluster about any of it much anymore.

We all come here to learn and grow, not to have everyone do what we think they should do.  We come here to experience ever so much and we cannot ever expect that one person is going to be able to give us all we need.  As I have always said to my two – you have one father and mother but if you are really lucky you will meet many who will fulfil the gaps in those roles because neither I nor your father will EVER be able to give you all you need or want.

So regardless of our ages if we haven’t yet healed our parental wounds we are still acting out of them with barriers and defence mechanisms and having re-actions rather than responses towards our parents and also towards others.  We all have them, there is no escaping them but ultimately at the end of the day it is OUR responsibility to heal them, not our parent’s responsibility to do that for us, nor can we blame them for what we think or feel, nor the lessons we have chosen to come here and learn which they have so beautifully provided for us to learn by giving us the ultimate gift, the gift of life.

Cheers, Cheryl.

Copyright C. O’Connor 2014.

Image sourced from Pixabay.

 

•*´☾☆☽`*•…

‪#‎Cheryl‬ O’Connor.
‪#‎Holistic‬ ‪#‎Counsellor‬, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.
* Creative & Artistic Therapies.
* Specialising in ‪#‎Dream‬ ‪#‎Analysis‬/‪#‎Conscious‬ ‪#‎Dreaming‬ & ‪#‎Shamanic‬ Journeying.
* ‪#‎Reiki‬/‪#‎Seichim‬ Treatments & Attunements.
* Isis ‪#‎Meditation‬.

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MENTAL ILLNESS OR… SPIRITUAL CRISIS?

For many years now people everywhere have been and still are “… undergoing a profound personal transformation associated with spiritual opening. Under favourable circumstances, this process results in emotional healing, a radical shift in values, and a profound awareness of the mystical dimension of existence. For some, these changes are gradual and relatively smooth, but for others they can be so rapid and dramatic that they interfere with effective everyday functioning, creating tremendous inner turmoil. Unfortunately, many traditional health-care professionals do not recognise the potential of these crises; they often see them as manifestations of mental disease and respond with stigmatising labels, suppressive drugs and even institutionalisation.”

Personally, I see what is occurring for many as being part of our evolution as human beings. It is like we have all been sleep walking for a very long time and slowly, one by one, we are all starting to be shaken up in order to wake up.

In 1992 I faced life threatening illness and all medical professionals seen for a period of six months kept reiterating that there “is nothing wrong with you”. I was experiencing many physical symptoms that eventually led me to a diagnosis by a naturopath and acupuncturist of “a blocked small intestine and kidneys that were barely functioning”. What accompanied my many physical symptoms of migraines, shortness of breath, constant exhaustion, welts emerging like hives all over my legs, chronic lower back pain, menstrual cramping that put me to bed, fluid retention in my body that created so much pain it brought me to tears when I took my bra off at the end of the day and made walking difficult due to the swelling in my feet, insomnia, a total inability to eat more than one very small meal a day and chronic constipation, were nights and sometimes days full of the most bizarre lucid dreaming experiences and waking reality visions I had ever had.

I was also experiencing major depression, suicidal ideology, was very re-active and angry and I was experiencing waves of enormous grief for no particular reason. Further, I was also experiencing hearing voices. There were many days when I did actually think I was going “insane”.

Now…. for someone whose whole conditioning had been you go to a doctor when you are not well and they will help you it was a huge challenge for me to even consider there may be an alternative but after six months of just hearing from several doctors, most of whom treated me like a bored housewife with nothing better to do than waste their time, “there is nothing wrong with you, here have some Prozac” it was all pretty hard to swallow. It was out of pure desperation, knowing full well something was definitely not right and feeling like I was indeed dying, as my body was shutting down more and more each day that I chose to consider an alternative to western medicine in the form of acupuncture and naturopathy.

That then led me to a huge range of other natural healing modalities over time that worked brilliantly for me as I went through healing process after healing process. Some days during the six months it took for me to find someone who could and did actually help me though, it took all my will just to get up each morning and get my daughter to school, after which I would come home and return to bed as the effects of it all were so very debilitating.

It was also at this time, due to the visions, the voices and the bizarre dreaming experiences that I sought the assistance of a Psychologist. That too proved to be a costly useless exercise that lead me nowhere fast. Several folk claimed I was experiencing “hallucinations” or would ask “what drugs are you on?!”, and the whole deal for me from the western psychological and medical viewpoint was not only was there nothing wrong with me but that I needed anti-depressant medication to “fix” the nothing that was wrong with me. It all didn’t make much sense to me and so an alternative choice, if I was to survive all this, was my only choice. It was also an extremely lonely time as no-one I initially sought help from seemed to have the vaguest idea of what was happening to and for me.

What emerged from it all was what I can only describe as being the wildest ride of my life. The lucid dreaming increased in frequency, as did the waking visions and the voices and I became aware of a far greater and more profound reality than the one I had been conditioned to believe existed. Essentially whilst I had many physical symptoms I had to dig really deep within myself to find cause, not just treat symptoms, for true healing to occur, which did occur over time not just physically, but emotionally, psychologically and spiritually.

It was at this time I came across the only book that shed any light whatsoever on what was truly going on for me, The Stormy Search for the Self – A guide to Personal Growth through Transformational Crisis (Understanding and Coping with Spiritual Emergency). This book has been described as “A valuable tool for therapists and an aid to explorers” by Brain/Mind Bulletin; “A brilliant and practical guide to inner transformation” by Jack Kornfield, Buddhist teacher, author of Seeking the Heart of Wisdom and “A fascinating account of transformational processes. Essential reading for anyone interested in creative personal and social change” by Frances Vaughan, Ph. D. co-editor of Beyond Ego. For me, the wealth of wisdom and knowledge it contains is so very valuable it still sits in my library today.

It was by reading this book that I discovered what I was actually experiencing was what is known as a Shamanic Crisis. It is a crisis indeed because it took every ounce of my will, determination, trust, faith, intellect and courage to come out the other side of it. ” Anthropologists refer to the dramatic episodes of non-ordinary states of consciousness that mark the beginning of the healing career of many shamans as the “shamanic illness”.

“This experience of total annihilation is typically followed by resurrection and rebirth….” “Also characteristic is a rich spectrum of transpersonal experiences that provide profound insights into realms and dimensions of reality that are ordinarily hidden to human perception and intellect. Some of them mediate profound connection with and attunement to the creative energies of the universe, the forces of nature, and the world of animals and plants. Others involve various deities, spirit guides, and particularly power animals – helpers and protectors in animal form.”

The death pull of the crisis and all the processes I was going through were almost overwhelming as I experienced many a “Dark Night of the Soul”. Death was so very real and also very necessary because I, as I had known me to be for 28 years of my life, was indeed dying. All that I had previously been told was real and true about myself and about life wasn’t. It is therefore, in my mind, quite understandable that someone experiencing such a profound transformational crisis as I was experiencing may indeed think that physical death is the only solution they have. For it took every ounce of strength and will I could muster not to succumb to and act on the pull of death physically.

Whilst it is our western mainstream conditioning to deal with depression, suicidal ideology, what we term as hallucinations, hearing voices and awareness of non-ordinary states of reality with drugs or by institutionalising those who are experiencing something like this, if you are experiencing anything like it, or you have a client who mentions any of these types of things to you I strongly urge you to read “The Stormy Search for the Self” if you are not already aware of it, purely because in my opinion and from my perspective of all that I have personally lived through and experienced, masking symptoms with drugs, which just makes these processes take longer and does not treat cause, or by shutting people away who are experiencing “Spiritual crisis” is doing them way more harm than it is good.

© Cheryl O’Connor – Holistic Counsellor 2014.

Quoted excerpts taken from
Christina & Stanislav Grof, M.D – The Stormy Search for the Self -1990
Published by J.P Putnam’s Sons
200 Madison Avenue
New York, NY 100016

© Cheryl O’Connor 2014. #Cheoco

•*´☾☆☽`*•…

‪#‎Cheryl‬ O’Connor.
‪#‎Holistic‬ ‪#‎Counsellor‬, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.
* Creative & Artistic Therapies.
* Specialising in ‪#‎Dream‬ ‪#‎Analysis‬/‪#‎Conscious‬ ‪#‎Dreaming‬ & ‪#‎Shamanic‬ Journeying.
* ‪#‎Reiki‬/‪#‎Seichim‬ Treatments & Attunements.
* Isis ‪#‎Meditation‬.

Newsletter Subscription @ bit.ly/CheocoNews – All subscribers will receive my Dreamwork booklet to help you re-connect with your dreaming reality, give you practical tips on working with your dreams, as well as the symbolism of what appears to you daily.

Website @ www.cheocoenterprises.com
My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available – bit.ly/Cheocoshop

FB: https://www.facebook.com/cheocoenterprises
Skype: cheryloconnor333

Twitter: Cheryl O’Connor@Cheoco99
Email: cheoco99@yahoo.com.au