Masculine and Feminine Energy

Beyond the “Toxic” Label: Healing the Wounded Masculine and Feminine

For quite some time now I’ve found myself sitting with the word “toxic”, a word that’s everywhere when people talk about behaviour.

In particular the phrase: “toxic masculinity” has been bothering me. As too has the phrase “he/she is toxic”.

I see it spoken of often, but I have never liked it because it feels heavy, final… and wrong because I don’t see toxicity at the root of these behaviours. I see wounds. I see a distortion of a once-sacred energy that has been bent out of shape by fear, silence, and survival. And we all carry it, men and women alike.

When we label a person as being “toxic,” we risk closing the door on that person’s healing. We make it sound as though the essence of the person in and of itself is dangerous, rather than acknowledging that the person and their original energy has been wounded and misdirected. Distorted energy is not beyond repair, it can be realised, the sacred remembered and restored, and brought back into harmony.

The Feminine Energy

The feminine is the receptive, intuitive, and nurturing force. She is the part of us that listens before acting, feels before deciding, and values connection over conquest.

Feminine qualities include:

  • Intuition – sensing beyond logic
  • Receptivity – openness to ideas, emotions, and experiences
  • Creativity – birthing visions, art, or possibilities
  • Compassion – empathy and care for self and others
  • Flow – moving with life rather than forcing it

When the feminine becomes wounded or distorted, it may show up as:

  • Over-giving and self-sacrifice
  • Difficulty setting boundaries
  • Suppressing one’s own needs to keep the peace
  • Emotional manipulation or withdrawal

The Masculine Energy

The masculine is the active, structured, and directional force. He is the part of us that creates plans, builds systems, and protects what matters.

Masculine qualities include:

  • Action – decisive movement towards a goal
  • Structure – healthy boundaries and discipline
  • Focus – clarity of vision and sustained attention
  • Protection – creating safe containers for growth
  • Logic – reasoning and problem-solving

When the masculine becomes wounded or distorted, it may show up as:

  • Control and domination
  • Suppressing emotion or rejecting vulnerability
  • Overwork and constant striving without rest
  • Aggression without cause
  • Seeing relationships or the earth as resources to be used rather than honoured

Why We Need Both

Neither energy is “better” than the other. Too much masculine without feminine can lead to burnout, control, and emotional disconnection. Too much feminine without masculine can leave us ungrounded, directionless, or unable to act on our visions. Healthy integration is the goal, the masculine providing structure for the feminine to flow, and the feminine infusing the masculine with heart and meaning.

Steps Toward Rebalancing

  • If you’re running on overdrive (masculine-heavy):
    Slow down, rest, journal, spend unstructured time in nature, or create without a deadline.
  • If you’re feeling unmoored (feminine-heavy):
    Set a clear, achievable goal, make a plan, and take the first step.

Why Language Matters

The words we use shape the energy of the conversation. When we say “toxic masculinity,” we unintentionally code the entire masculine essence as harmful. But if we speak of wounded or distorted energy, we acknowledge the hurt without erasing the sacred form underneath.

This shift in language invites compassion for Self and others and from compassion, real change becomes possible.

Recommended Reading

  1. “King, Warrior, Magician, Lover” – Robert Moore & Douglas Gillette
    A map of masculine archetypes and how they can be healthy or distorted.
  2. “Women Who Run With the Wolves” – Clarissa Pinkola Estés
    Reclaiming the instinctual feminine through myth and story.
  3. “The Way of the Superior Man” – David Deida
    Masculine purpose, polarity, and presence for all genders.
  4. “The Heroine’s Journey” – Maureen Murdock
    Exploring the feminine quest and the return to self.
  5. “Warrior Goddess Training” – HeatherAsh Amara
    Blending inner strength with self-compassion.
  6. “Sacred Union” – Anaiya Sophia
    The alchemy of divine feminine and masculine energies.

Final Reflection

This conversation isn’t about criticising the masculine or glorifying the feminine, it’s about remembering that both are sacred, both can be wounded, and both are needed. By speaking of distortion instead of toxicity, we leave space for healing, for truth, and for a return to balance.

© Cheryl O’Connor, 2025. All rights reserved.
Please do not reproduce without permission. Sharing with credit and a link is welcome.

Disclaimer: The information shared in this article and chart is for awareness and self-reflection only. It is not intended as psychological, medical, or therapeutic advice. If you are experiencing distress, please seek support from a qualified professional.