Well Being

Killer Stress: How Modern Life is Breaking Us

It seems fairly acceptable in our society these days to accept stress as “normal.” Technology designed to make life easier has, in fact, made life busier, with a constant flow of information, requests, and demands on our time. We live dictated by calendars, bank balances, and the ticking of the clock, numbers we react to as though they were threats.

More and more automated voice options on phones that fail to connect us to an actual human being add to our daily tension, offering less support and more frustration. Time for real food and deep connection shrinks as we all become… “so busy.”

Once, we wrote letters, posted them, and waited. Now, emails ping, and we feel a pressure to respond instantly. It’s not just a pace; it’s a mindset of urgency. Productivity is the new idol, and the pressure to outperform for profit isn’t just found in the workplace, it’s embedded in our nervous systems (Rosen, 2020).

We’re saturated with disasters, grief, and horror from every corner of the globe. Not only is this overwhelming, but our stress response is being constantly triggered by situations we can’t control (Sahakian et al., 2015). Gratitude for safety is real but so is the burden of helplessness. And the truth is: we can always turn it off. But often, we don’t.

The deeper issue is that when we do need to hibernate, retreat, rest, withdraw, we’re told we’re lazy, self-indulgent, or not resilient enough (Biron et al., 2012).

Even our own government has proposed raising the age at which people become eligible for support—further extending the years we’re expected to stay in the workforce. The message is clear: keep working, keep producing, keep pushing. And burnout? That’s just the cost of survival, apparently a cruel irony when burnout is already rampant.

Snappy voices, reactive outbursts, and social disengagement often stem from chronic stress. People aren’t present. They’re time-travelling, replaying the past or pre-living future disasters. And that lack of presence? That’s the real cost (Kabat-Zinn, 2005).

We are not machines. Yet we expect ourselves to operate like them. Even computers need a reboot. When was your last one?

The Myth of Multitasking

One of the greatest myths of modern life is that multitasking makes us more efficient. In reality, the human brain cannot focus on multiple complex tasks at once. We are constantly context-switching, splitting our attention and taxing our cognitive resources (Rosen, 2020). This increases errors, reduces memory recall, and heightens stress.

Multitasking is not mastery. It’s a nervous system constantly being yanked in different directions. No wonder we feel scattered.

Rest as Resistance

There is a growing movement that names rest not as a luxury, but as a form of resistance. Tricia Hersey, founder of The Nap Ministry, reminds us: “Rest is a spiritual practice. Rest is a form of resistance because it disrupts and pushes back against capitalism and white supremacy.”

We are not designed to be endlessly productive. We are cyclical beings, wired to ebb and flow, to rise and retreat. The feminine principle, whether expressed in any gendered body, calls for restoration, reflection, and radical slowness (Hersey, 2022).

Returning to Rhythm

There was a time when our rhythms followed the sun. When life was made, not consumed. When tribe, rest, music, growing, laughing, and storytelling were at the heart of our days.

What we now call “stress” was once a short-term survival response. Adrenaline kicks in when we’re under threat, giving us power to run or fight. It was never meant to be a way of life (McEwen, 2007). Fifteen minutes. That’s the optimal duration of a stress response before the body starts to take damage (Selye, 1976).

But when stress becomes constant? The effects show up in every system of the body: high blood pressure, anxiety, insomnia, digestive disorders, muscle pain, and emotional exhaustion. Stress is not just uncomfortable—it’s biologically destructive. And yet we carry on, until our bodies force us to stop (Sapolsky, 2004; van der Kolk, 2014).

Language That Triggers Stress

Even the language we use is steeped in nervous system activation. We’re “alarmed” out of bed. We hit “panic buttons.” We race to meet “deadlines.” We juggle tasks and “crash” by evening.

Words matter. They shape our perception and perception creates our reality. A slower, kinder vocabulary begins the rewiring process.

Pause Practices

To reclaim the present moment is an act of healing. Here are a few gentle ways to begin:

  1. Hand on Heart – Pause. Breathe. Feel the warmth of your own touch. You’re here.
  2. Barefoot Grounding – Stand on earth. Feel your soles reconnect with soil, sand, stone.
  3. Three Deep Breaths – Inhale through the nose. Exhale through the mouth. Let it go.
  4. Digital Sabbath – Choose one hour, one afternoon, or one day to unplug.

A Story Worth Remembering

There is a story in Women Who Run With the Wolves. You can find it on page 328. The story is called The Three Gold Hairs. It fits extremely well into the scenario of stress in our modern world. We become the old and withered dying man, lost in the dark forest of overwork. Until, finally, we remember. We are human beings, not human doings.

To nurture, to rest, to dream is not laziness. It’s medicine.

And like a steaming apple pie, fresh from the oven, everyone will want a piece of you. Just remember—leave some for yourself. And bake a new one before you run out.

With care,

Cheryl
© Cheryl O’Connor 2025. All rights reserved.

Please do not reproduce without permission. Sharing with credit and a link is welcome.

References

Biron, C., Brun, J. P., & Ivers, H. (2012). Extent and sources of occupational stress in university staff. Work, 42(4), 739–750. https://doi.org/10.3233/WOR-2012-1427

Ellis, A. (1994). Reason and emotion in psychotherapy. Carol Publishing Group.

Estés, C. P. (1992). Women who run with the wolves: Myths and stories of the wild woman archetype. Ballantine Books.

Hersey, T. (2022). Rest is resistance: A manifesto. Little, Brown Spark.

Kabat-Zinn, J. (2005). Coming to our senses: Healing ourselves and the world through mindfulness. Hyperion.

McEwen, B. S. (2007). Physiology and neurobiology of stress and adaptation: Central role of the brain. Physiological Reviews, 87(3), 873–904.

Rosen, L. D. (2020). The distracted mind: Ancient brains in a high-tech world. MIT Press.

Sahakian, B. J., et al. (2015). The impact of neuroscience on society: Cognitive enhancement in neuropsychiatric disorders and in healthy people. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B, 370(1677), 20140214.

Sapolsky, R. M. (2004). Why zebras don’t get ulcers: The acclaimed guide to stress, stress-related diseases, and coping. Holt Paperbacks.

Selye, H. (1976). The stress of life (Rev. ed.). McGraw-Hill.

van der Kolk, B. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.

Beyond the To-Do List

For many of us, simply being present, fully here, right now, is one of the greatest challenges we face. In Western culture especially, we’re conditioned to think in linear terms: past, present, future. We track what has been, plan what’s next, and often measure our lives by where we’re going and what we hope to achieve. We make lists, set goals, and feel comforted by having a plan. But underneath it all, we may be reacting not to what’s real, but to a story we’ve told ourselves about how things should go.

My mum, bless her, was the Queen of Organisation. With four children and a job, she had to be. Each of us had assigned chores, and our weeks were structured down to the minute. I grew up knowing exactly what I’d be doing, and when. While life still threw curveballs, I found the predictability comforting. When I became a mother myself, I quickly saw how being organised helped ease stress, and that habit carried over into my work life.

Over three decades in the legal industry only reinforced that rhythm. Planning ahead, meeting deadlines, staying in routine, all of it created a sense of order in what was often a stressful environment. But over time, the rhythm became a rut. I began to feel stuck, drained of joy, and quietly suffocated by the very structure that once kept me afloat. I also realised that when organisation becomes too rigid, it stops being helpful. It becomes control.

As I deepened in awareness, I started to sense that time, at least as we know it, might not actually exist. That all time is now. That things unfold not when we want them to, but when the energy aligns. And from that perspective, life became gentler. I stopped expecting things to go a certain way, and with that, emotional reactions softened. I found myself detaching, from outcomes, from expectations, from old habits of control.

I made fewer plans. “Going with the flow” evolved into being the flow. I became more spontaneous. I let things go if they weren’t working, and trusted that something better might be waiting to fall into place. The most I now plan is a basic outline, one day at a time. As for those job interview questions like, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”, I’ve come to see them as part of a cultural story that often robs us of presence, creativity, and possibility. How can we know what five years will bring? Sometimes, we don’t even know what the next five minutes will bring.

I learned the hard way: plans rarely go according to plan.

Now, if something I want to do just isn’t flowing, I don’t push it. If the energy is not aligned, I let it be. I’ve noticed how stressed people get when things don’t go “according to plan”, the frustration, the disappointment, the tension it can cause in relationships. But often, those delays or disruptions are gifts. Protection. Rearrangements. Or just not the right time yet. The puzzle pieces aren’t in place. And when they are, everything clicks.

I thought I had this all sorted. Skeletal plan? Check. Present moment awareness? Check. Calendar reminders so I didn’t forget the essentials?  Check. It was working beautifully, until one day when I found myself in a situation where communication had been unclear, and I didn’t know what I was “meant” to be doing next. I’d been told one thing, then it suddenly changed. I felt confused, unprepared, and frustrated.

Old habits kicked in: irritation, storytelling, the mental narrative of how it should have been communicated differently. And underneath it all, discomfort. My little comfort zone, small as it was, had been nudged.

Then came the gentle wisdom of another: Does it really matter what you are doing next?

In that moment, I had to laugh. Who was creating the confusion? The person who hadn’t communicated clearly? Or me, reacting to a story in my head, projecting into the future, and leaving the present moment behind?

It was such a simple lesson, offered in such an effective way: Just show up. Be present. Do what’s needed in the moment of now. Let go of the rest.

© Cheryl O’Connor, 2025. All rights reserved.
Please do not reproduce without permission. Sharing with credit and a link is welcome.

RECONNECTING WITH OUR INNER CHILD

Within the confines of being told we have to “grow up,” we lose ever so much. Our conditioning is such that as children we begin to learn to fear the world and just about everything and everyone in it, hearing more often “don’t,” than “do.”

The inner child begins to shut down and off to a world that was once magical, full of adventure, imagination, play, fun, beauty, excitement and sheer delight. Just watch any child as they start to explore the world – all is new and exciting. The feel of grass underfoot, the raindrops dripping, the love of singing, dance, water play, mud, creativity and laughter just because they are happy and want to have fun.

When expressing anger or frustration they are often told don’t behave like that and are these days sent to the naughty corner. When parents fear they will fall from the tree they are climbing or fear whatever else they do, or tell them what they experience is not “real,” when they are taught to seek approval from others at such a young age, are told things about themselves and the world by adults they fully believe because the adults said so, are yelled at, hit, abused and so it goes on, all that joy, excitement and sheer delight with just the pure magic of being alive seems to disappear. Lost and seemingly gone forever as life becomes nothing more than a “job” full of adult responsibilities, concerns, worries, anxiety, conformity and fear which then leads to illness, addiction, depression, reckless behaviour, more abuse and sadly in some situations the taking of one’s own life.

I was once told as a child, only children can enter “The Kingdom of Heaven.” This terrified me at that time because I figured once I became an adult – straight to “Hell” I would go, forever. In many ways, we do go to Hell though because due to the adult behaviour around us and the beliefs and projections which shape us we lose conscious awareness of all that is childlike.  Yet we are also told we need to be childlike to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

The ability to make friends easily, to trust, to have fun unless we are drunk, stoned or participating in other activities that bring momentary pleasure from outside ourselves all goes. If we were feeling joyous and broke out in song on the morning train commute, for example, we would be given strange looks like something was “wrong” with us. So we conform, we play the game the adults around us play and we do indeed lose a huge part of ourselves along the way.  Many become miserable and bitter, negative, resentful, spiteful, manipulative, greedy, needy, liars and haters who try to desperately control others around them. Each day becomes a chore to drag oneself through and many literally start looking like robotic walking dead.

For myself I had to “grow up” very quickly, leaving home at only 14, and life for me became a matter of survival for many decades. Survive I did, ever so much, but it was just that – surviving, not thriving.

We speak of “The Journey Home” and how we are all on the same journey back to conscious awareness of all we once knew before it was shut down because of fear and conformity.  For myself, it took decades of Self work and inner child work to reach where I am at within myself now, which feels like “home” to me

Some of the tools I used along the way which can help are:

  • Pay attention to what your dreams and daily synchronicity are telling you.   If you don’t know – learn.
  • Spend time alone in nature.
  • Use your dominant writing hand to ask your inner child a question, swap hands and wait for the answer to be written.  Go with the very first thing that comes, do NOT think oooh that’s just nonsense.
  • Do not doubt what others told you was “just your imagination” – whatever you experience is real for you because it is YOUR experience.
  • Try to remember things you used to LOVE to do as a child and MAKE time to do them on a regular basis.
  • Run with your gut feelings about anything and everything – don’t pay attention to your logical doubts and fears which have been instilled in you by others.
  • Pay attention to any memories or feelings that come – especially those which create an emotional reaction and ask yourself “Where is this TRULY coming from?”  Wait patiently for the answer to come to you.
  • Parent your own inner child.  Most of our inner children are scared, lost, angry, hurt and confused and often feel like they have been abandoned, which they have been. Mine was SO angry and hurt it took months of solid work for her to even feel safe enough again to just start dialoguing with me.
  • Don’t blame, hate or punish your parents for the damage done – they did the best they could with the awareness they had, they still are and at some stage we all have to actually accept responsibility for ourselves and start to parent our own inner child.

As a child, I wanted desperately to live “Somewhere over the Rainbow.” It was however quite literally a journey into,  through and out the other side of Hell to follow my own yellow brick road, but it was worth every single step to reach “home” and the “Kingdom of Heaven.” That isn’t some place in the sky as so many of us were told it was, but is within each of us and fully accessible to all of us by reconnecting with our own inner child.

Cheers, Cheryl.

© Cheryl O’Connor 2014.

•*´☾☆☽`*•

Get your free Dreamwork Booklet at bit.ly/CheocoNews when you sign up for my monthly Newsletter. Cheers, Cheryl.

#Cheryl O’Connor. #Cheoco
#Holistic #Counsellor, #Author & #Writer.

* #Cognitive & Body Based #Counselling.
* #Creative & #Artistic #Therapies.
* Specialising in #Dream #Analysis, #Conscious #Dreaming & #Shamanic #Journeying.
* #Reiki #Seichim #Treatments & #Attunements.
* #Isis #Meditation.

http://bit.ly/FBCheoco – Facebook.
http://bit.ly/CreationsbyCheoco – Etsy
http://bit.ly/CheocoNews – Newsletter Subscription.
http://bit.ly/pinterestcheryloconnor – Pinterest.
http://bit.ly/Googlepluscheryloconnor – Google Plus.
http://bit.ly/linkedincheryloconnor – LinkedIn.
http://bit.ly/wordpresscheryloconnor – WordPress.
http://bit.ly/cheocoenterprises – Website.

Twitter:  @cheoco99

Proud Member of The Wellness Universe www.TheWellnessUniverse.com
#WUVIP

Visit www.TheWellnessUniverse.com for people supporting

Emotional Wellness http://goo.gl/Z3EQcy
Environmental Wellness http://goo.gl/BO6qLP
Intellectual Wellness http://goo.gl/R1v1dc
Occupational Wellness http://goo.gl/QFF2xM
Physical Wellness http://goo.gl/aGfYU6
Social Wellness http://goo.gl/oYZALZ
Spiritual Wellness http://goo.gl/TyXSbQ

Join Us if you contribute to a Better World! http://goo.gl/PQyzFA

Are we truly busy?

“The most common thing I hear folk say these days when asked how they are is “Busy”.

Today’s technology was essentially designed to make things easier, give us all more “time” and yet it appears to me it has failed to do that.  If anything we all seem to be way busier than we were a couple of decades ago, with seemingly never-ending to-do lists, copious emails that flood our inboxes, umpteen “notifications” by way of social media, errands to run and so it goes on. This influx of things to be attended to is often overwhelming and creates stress, for we are now living in a time where we think we need to attend to ever so much immediately.
I’ve been pondering this standard comment we all seem to be giving these days of I’m busy or you are busy.  I have a huge variety of activities in my life simply because I do not do boring and mundane well at all and abhor being stuck in any sort of rut.  Variety is indeed my spice in life and to have any two days spent doing exactly the same thing is my worst case scenario.  Many interpret that as me being busy.
I spoke in my last article about living in NOW.  Such a hard thing for so many of us to achieve and yet, once you do get the hang of it, it is very easy.  As I looked back on all my years of being unconsciously busy, rushing here and there, achieving this and that, the stress that comes with always being busy and the many comments I hear of “busy” I had an epiphany of sorts.  When we are fully present in right here and now “busy” is totally eliminated.  How so?
Well, I saw that busyness lives in our heads and only occurs when we move out of now and think “a head” too far.  Often we become overwhelmed with how much we think we need to do or must do, which in fact, we are all choosing to do for no-one is making us do anything.  When we are so busy we miss the moment of now for always we are thinking I need to do this, then that, then that and on it goes, usually ticking things off either in our heads or lists as we go. Often not even fully focussed on whatever it is we are doing right now, due to thoughts of once this is done then the next thing needs to be done.
I also saw that much stress lies in the busyness of our minds and the things we choose to do that we perceive “make” us all so busy.  I saw that being in the moment of now with absolutely no thought of what is next until I got to what is next, does indeed and quite miraculously not create a feeling of being busy at all.   As I was pondering this whole busy aspect of life, another crossed my path who shared that we create busy to avoid being in now.  Synchronicity?  Well of course.
When we live in each moment of now, fully, we are just being and we are all essentially, beings, not doings. Many think we have to go and have a vacation and do absolutely nothing to avoid the stress of being busy, to wind down and “get away from it all”.
Personally I find life far more interesting, way less stress full and not at all busy, to just do the things I feel I want and need to do, when I want and need to do them. I also find that things don’t go “wrong”, I don’t hit brick walls nor do I experience any of the elements that once brought frustration, stress, major muck-ups, accidents or rushing around like a lunatic when I am just focussed on and fully present in NOW.   Another miraculous aspect of living in NOW – I have more “time”.
Try it, you may just be very surprised by what happens when you stop thinking “a head” and actually become one with the flow of life.
Cheers, C.

INTERVIEW WITH COREY POIRIER – CONVERSATIONS WITH PASSION!

Hi folks, if you missed the Interview I and other very inspiring members of The Wellness Universe participated in, you can have a listen here.  Radio Interview with Corey Poirier

Many thanks to Corey and The Wellness Universe founders and members for all they are doing and bringing into the world.

Love and Peace to all – Cheers, C.

Copyright. C. O’Connor.

Grab your free copy of my Dreamwork Booklet at http://bit.ly/CheocoNews when you sign up for my monthly Newsletter.

*´☾☆☽`*•

#Cheryl O’Connor.
#Holistic #Counsellor, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.
* Creative & Artistic Therapies.
* Specialising in #Dream #Analysis/#Conscious #Dreaming & #Shamanic Journeying.
* #Reiki/#Seichim Treatments & Attunements.
* Isis #Meditation.

Website @ http://www.cheocoenterprises.com

My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available – bit.ly/Cheocoshop

Facebook: http://bit.ly/FBCheoco
Online Shop: http://bit.ly/Cheocoshop
LinkedIn: http://bit.ly/linkedincheryloconnor
Pinterest: http://bit.ly/pinterestcheryloconnor
Google+: http://bit.ly/Googlepluscheryloconnor

Proud member of The Wellness Universe: www.thewellnessuniverse.com #WUVIP

Image credit: Pixabay.

ADDICTION FROM A SHAMANIC VIEWPOINT

It is becoming clearer to many that addiction is a disease or illness, not a choice we consciously make that we should be punished for. God knows we punish ourselves and suffer enough in this life without “society” and law makers punishing us further simply because we are not well. A very long time ago I read that all disease could be seen as dis-ease i.e. not being at ease or at peace with ourselves. So is addiction to anything actually really just dis-ease? The roots of which lay in learned behaviour?

Addiction is, from my perception, certainly a symptom of a far deeper cause than that which lays on the behavioural, psychological and physiological surface.  Western medicine primarily always looks at symptoms and what can be seen, attempts to treat that solely usually with chemicals or surgery and rarely does it look for causes that to the naked or microscopic eye are unseen. Yet when we find and heal cause within ourselves of physical symptoms, dis-ease, or behaviour we do not find acceptable, would like to not be experiencing or are subconsciously participating in, the symptoms just simply no longer exist. From birth we are taught to seek outside ourselves for what we need to make us feel good – love, encouragement, nurturing, guidance, cuddles, belief in ourselves etc.

As the child of an alcoholic step-father and cigarette smoking mother their addictions became learned behaviour for me so it stood to reason that as they were the two main ways in which I was shown adults behaved and coped with whatever they were trying to cope with, that I would naturally follow in their footsteps. As a teenager from about 14 onwards after a rape situation occurred I began to consume cigarettes. Not long after when I left home due to the situation I was living in there, I began to consume alcohol and drugs to the point I damn near killed myself. Surviving on little food, drugs, cigarettes, coffee and alcohol was not at all healthy, nor was it a good mix, reducing my weight so dramatically after six months, the only clothes I could wear were size 16 children’s clothing and I was so unwell that not even my own mother recognised me.

I didn’t feel that anyone cared about me, so why should I care? What did it really matter whether I lived or not? All I wanted to do was have a good time and feel better. I did not want, at all, to feel the pain and sadness of not feeling loved, cared for, cared about or understood, of being hit, yelled at, controlled, nor the fear of the alcoholic induced, often physical, arguments and abuse I had been living with since about 6 years of age on a regular and totally unpredictable basis.

To say I, like so many people in this world, grew up in a dysfunctional environment is putting it mildly. My consumption of alcohol, drugs and cigarettes lessened for a short while after another whose love for me quite literally saved my life by showing me they were the only person in my life who did care which gave me the gift of hope and I once again started ingesting regular meals.   I then slid back into copious ingesting of drugs, alcohol and cigarettes whenever I got the opportunity to do so after I was involved in a fatal car accident at 17 in which the young man I had been living with for six months was killed. Back in those days there was no counselling available like there is now.

There was also no funeral and no grave for this young man who lost his life to a drunk driver at only 23 years of age. I was seriously injured and it took a good six months for me to learn how to walk again. The only words I heard at the time from my step-father were “Write down how much pain you are in each day so we can get more money.” The only people in my family who even said they were sorry I had been injured and this young man had died was my mother and one of my step-brothers.   For everyone else in my immediate circle it seemed to me to be a case of suck it up buttercup and just get on with your life.

Drugs, cigarettes and alcohol became my friends, they numbed me from feeling all that was going on inside me. They distracted me and they became my “pain killers”, my “feel good medicine” of choice because I simply had no knowledge of other coping skills I could utilise. The catch being, as all addicts know, is that once we start down this path our brains and our bodies tell us we need more and more “feel good medicine” and “pain killers” to maintain that feel good state of being, to actually cope and survive, to not feel all that pain, anger, grief and sadness living within us that is so very real and raw and it is a very slippery slope we travel until eventually we either kill our bodies or our lives fall apart so badly we hit rock bottom.

We have two choices if we actually do survive and hit rock bottom, continue as we have done and physically die, or trawl the depths and start to bounce back from what feels like the bottomless black hole we have been sucked into that also very much feels like a literal hell or nightmare there often seems to be no escaping from.   Thankfully I was one who chose to trawl the depths and bounce back when in 1992 at 28 I was again faced with my own impending physical death.

What I came to understand as I started to walk the path of the Shaman which was a path that at the time I had no clue I was even walking, was that I, like so many other folk in this world, was actually experiencing what in Shamanic terms is known as Soul loss.

Soul loss can best be described as us becoming like the walking dead, merely surviving, not living and thriving as was intended, simply because who we truly are is not fully present in our bodies.  Parts of us that have not wanted to feel grief, trauma, fear, shock, loss or pain have fragmented off into the subconscious abyss and in very simple terms it is like we are not fully at home in our bodies when we are ingesting substances or distracting ourselves with addictive behaviours or by external means in order to make us feel better or not feel our pain. It is literally like we have huge energetic holes in us, great gaping wounds that we defend, need others to fill, or don’t want to feel the pain of because they are so raw and we are so very vulnerable.

These energetic holes we have, we attempt to fill with external substances or means which consequentially then just make our bodies and our minds very sick indeed. We behave in ways not previously known to us once we start on the road of addiction and it is also not behaviour that those close to us know from us as being “normal”. How many times does the drunken or high person just not seem to be themselves? It is like we become totally different people, often aggressive, angry, totally uncaring and hurtful towards others simply because we are hurting and we just don’t give a damn. We become harmful to ourselves and others and we often have absolutely no memory the next day of our behaviour.

Our behaviour however is NOT us, it is a symptom or cover up if you like hiding whatever we have experienced or been conditioned to believe. How many times does the drunken or drugged person lash out in Jekyll and Hyde fashion?   You never really know what to expect but you just know that who you know that person to be is no longer present in the body in front of you.   This is because we are definitely NOT ourselves at all. Who we truly are is no longer contained in our bodies. What primarily happens with ingesting alcohol and drugs is that when who we truly are checks out of our bodies it’s like an empty house and other “darker” energies with perhaps not so good intentions take over.   This may seem like a very strange and far-fetched concept to many but perhaps for those who have lived it, seen it in others, you will know precisely what I am referring to.

So… how do we heal these gaps and holes we try to fill by external means? How do we stop this happening? How do we change our behaviour? How do we become fully present in our bodies and become whole, well and healthy again?   There is only one way I personally found and that was firstly to make a decision I didn’t want to be that way any longer given that I was so out of control at times, often very re-active, aggressive, defensive, angry, miserable, depressed and more times than not, suicidal.

I did not do the whole re-hab thing, nor did I do AA or have any other types of support in place similar to those, I just said enough when I was faced with my own impending physical death, for the fear of death at 28, which I no longer carry, put the wind up me, literally, and I prayed like I had never prayed in my life prior to be free of it all and to feel nothing but peace, love and acceptance within me.

What ensued was 10 solid years of feeling ever so much grief, trauma, pain, confusion and sadness as I firstly turned to alternative therapies to help heal my body because all the doctors I saw over a six month period all said there was nothing wrong with me – here have some Prozac, meanwhile my body was shutting down more and more each day.   I uncovered and discovered all my physical symptoms were due to constant abuse and unfelt emotions, which I also discovered did not just come from this lifetime but past lifetime experiences as well, all of which had resulted in symptoms associated with having a blocked small intestine and kidneys that were barely working.

I trusted all I was drawn to and underwent attunement to Reiki/Seichim, learnt how to work with my dreams, attended many courses, began walking, meditations and yoga, ate better, studied for two Diplomas in Counselling, one Holistic, one standard that also included some alternative modalities. I read all I could get my hands on, discovering along the way many fragmented parts of me, along with many gifts and skills I never even knew existed within me. Gradually my addictions abated but always there is work to be done.

Physical pains were always linked in with emotional pain, the true cause and source of which came to me either via dreaming or during meditations (which is really the same state of consciousness) and it truly was only in the fully feeling of ALL the emotions that bubbled up from within me and by integrating/re-membering i.e. bringing into being, the fragmented parts of me I re-connected with in The Dreaming, that eventually there was peace. I came to see that time did not exist as we know it to exist, that past definitely has an impact on the present until we heal it by fully feeling it and releasing it (shutting the door on it and just saying past is past, forget it and get on with your life, simply does not work) and that the emotions which came with memories or in the dreaming, meditations etc., were just energy passing through.

Rather than numbing those emotions, once felt and released, with each and every process of integration and release, a strength, love, acceptance, understanding and peace began filling me up like nothing I had ever experienced before. There is an old saying you may have heard of – The cup must be emptied before it can be filled.   This was certainly the case for me and I began to live by the motto which Jamie Sams brought into the world “To feel is to heal.”

Emotional pain is the LAST thing any of us want to feel – we do everything we can to avoid it yet it is only in feeling it, that we truly do heal it and are free of it. Was it easy work?   Definitely not.   Was it lonely work? It certainly was. Was it worth it? Without a doubt. For I learnt the hard way that no matter what I chose to ingest that was external to me, no matter how much I sought love and acceptance externally from others, no matter what I did to feel “better”, and no matter how “strong” I had been to just carry on Columbus and survive it all, the real strength came when I turned fully inward to find, eventually, all I needed was already inside me for me the love, peace, wisdom, knowing and acceptance I was seeking only came when I paid attention to what my dreams and daily life were showing me and what my memories and emotions were telling me about myself and about life. As I uncovered who I truly was I also discovered there would never be a need again for me to re-cover my Self.

To free ourselves from addiction is a huge undertaking as there is so much in this world we can become attached and addicted to. It is however achievable if we have the courage, faith and trust needed to turn inward, face our fears, grief, pain and trauma, feel it all fully and be free of it once and for all. Many of us are so busy telling our stories, which whilst important, does not enable us to actually feel the emotion contained in those stories for our stories come from our heads.

No-one can do this work for us, it is something we all must do for ourselves for it is only in doing for Self that we become more Self-aware, more Self responsible, heal and become more Self empowered. It is not at all selfish to do this work for it brings about self-centeredness, balance, peace, love, acceptance, respect for all life and an awareness of our wholeness with all life, like nothing else we have ever experienced can, all of which is then reflected back to us in the world.

The choice whether we do this work or not is entirely ours to make. We can keep going as we have been or we can quite literally turn our whole world and reality around by coming from the inside out and in doing so move out of the nightmare of externalism, blame, victim mentality, attack, defence and addiction.

Much love and peace to all.

Cheers, Cheryl.

Copyright. C. O’Connor.

Grab your free copy of my Dreamwork Booklet at http://bit.ly/CheocoNews when you sign up for my monthly Newsletter.

*´☾☆☽`*•

#Cheryl O’Connor.
#Holistic #Counsellor, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.
* Creative & Artistic Therapies.
* Specialising in #Dream #Analysis/#Conscious #Dreaming & #Shamanic Journeying.
* #Reiki/#Seichim Treatments & Attunements.
* Isis #Meditation.

Website @ http://www.cheocoenterprises.com

My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available – bit.ly/Cheocoshop

Facebook: http://bit.ly/FBCheoco
Online Shop: http://bit.ly/Cheocoshop
LinkedIn: http://bit.ly/linkedincheryloconnor
Pinterest: http://bit.ly/pinterestcheryloconnor
Google+: http://bit.ly/Googlepluscheryloconnor

Proud member of The Wellness Universe: www.thewellnessuniverse.com #WUVIP

Image credit: Pixabay.

GIVE AND TAKE, OR ………….. GIVE AND RECEIVE

Much of the conditioning many of us were brought up with appears to me to be rather somewhat flawed. Is this because of the natural evolution of consciousness or is it just because many who came before us and many of us even now still don’t stop to question what we have been told and believe to be true?

I don’t know the answer to that question for everyone I only know for myself I have always questioned all I have been told because experience tells me that somewhere in between what two or more people believe to be a truth, lays a truth, neither have yet seen.

We’ve all heard the phrase that relationships are a matter of give and take but are they, really?

This implies to me that when we give we believe that we should also take i.e. that if we give to one person then that person is obliged to give to us in return. Often if they don’t, those with a give and take mentality and expectation they will receive land up being disappointed or re-active with a well, what about me attitude.

I was instilled with certain things when I was younger, things that I became conditioned to believe and some of those things I adhere to like manners for they cost nothing and it never hurts to say please or say thank you. It is polite and to me it is respectful and it feels very right in my heart to use those words.  Apart from those two things much of what I grew up with I had to question and this whole give and take mentality was one such thing that never quite rang true with me. It still doesn’t.

So many times I have seen folk who give with the expectation of receiving – it rarely turns out well for when they don’t receive from who they expect to receive from, they become disappointed, resentful and think well why the heck should I help you in future when you need help, when you can’t be bothered to help me.   Often this turns into a situation of people feeling obliged to help so as not to create difficulties in friendships, lose friendships or lose connections with other folk, or for whatever other reason people have for feeling obliged and acting out of obligation, not for the love and passion of doing something.

It is a rather interesting exercise therefore to just give for no other reason than your heart or your consciousness or whatever other part of you gives you the impulse to help and expect absolutely nothing in return. The more you practice this the more awesome things happen in your life.

Not so long ago a very dear friend was not feeling too well, they had been pushing their body really hard in relation to long hours and were feeling rather fluey. Their muscles were aching and they asked if I could give them a quick massage – sure no problems was my response. I also landed up giving them some Reiki/Seichim. During the course of this massage and healing session there was nothing more than just the act of giving with love to someone close to me who needed me to assist them so their body could feel a little better. It wasn’t until after the session that an offer was then made to me that would prove to be very beneficial to me and my work.   I was so chuffed with the offer I took them up on it. It was the last thing I expected for the thought of what they offered me had not even entered my head.

Other times I have seen rewards given to others in many different environments for things they have done which they did willingly and usually out of their own initiative. When rewarded others have gotten their noises out of joint and come from the attitude and mentality of well what about me I did this or I did that, where is my reward?

I am not sure if this is just something that is part of human nature or if it is actually just conditioning we have become accustomed to but I do know this from many experiences …… when we give with no thought of reward, with no expectation that we should take in return or be rewarded in some way for what we ourselves choose to give to another or others, awesome things happen in our lives, usually when we most need them to and we do indeed receive, rather than take.

Cheers, Cheryl.

Copyright – C. O’Connor 2015.

•*´☾☆☽`*•

#Cheryl O’Connor.

#Holistic #Counsellor, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.

* Creative & Artistic Therapies.

* Specialising in #Dream #Analysis/#Conscious #Dreaming & #Shamanic Journeying.

* #Reiki/#Seichim Treatments & Attunements.

* #Isis #Meditation.

* Proud member of The Wellness Universe – www.TheWellnessUniverse.com #‎WUVIP

Newsletter Subscription @ bit.ly/CheocoNews – All subscribers will receive a 10% discount on their first initial consultation for any of my services along with 33 awesome tips and tricks to help you start deciphering your dreams, as well as the symbolism of what appears to you daily.
Website @ www.cheocoenterprises.com
My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available – bit.ly/Cheocoshop

LAUNCHING THE WORLDS FIRST WELLNESS UNIVERSE WEBSITE DIRECTORY

Many of us no doubt wish there was “something” we could do to change much in this world which we see “society” as being responsible for, yet the reality is we are “society”.  Many of us may feel that there really is nothing as individuals we can do other than to wish that change would occur and that humanity as a whole would become more peaceful, compassionate, understanding, respectful and caring individuals when it comes to some of the behaviour we witness occurring courtesy of the media, in our daily lives and via some social media towards others, towards animals and towards the planet we all share.

We come to realise that the only thing we can every truly change is ourselves.  As we change ourselves, so too do we change the world around us, for the changes in ourselves ripple out and touch all we come in contact with.  It can however often be a slow, tiring and painful process to want change to occur all over the world and to still witness behaviour that has been happening on this planet for eons due to greed, blame, resentment, control, power over and manipulation along with a mentality of it’s not impacting on me and my life so what do I care and what really can I do about all of it anyway?

Yet many of us KNOW it really doesn’t have to be this way.  Many of us also want to change ourselves and our re-actions, behaviour, habits etc., but have no idea where we find the resources we need to assist us to do this. For over two decades now I have been putting what I do “out there” and it has been only in more recent times that I have had a Facebook page to do that from.  I don’t have the massive amount of likes at my page some folk have but I have witnessed an increase of over 1,200 “likes” in perhaps 8 months due to the networking I have been doing there and the groups I have become involved with. One such group is The Wellness Universe.

There is no competition in this group, there are no politics, there is only beautiful collaboration, a heartfelt desire and a Soul purpose to live the truth of what we love to do and to assist in bringing change for the better into the lives of those our messages reach, into this world.  There is in this group also only a desire to help each other with information, resources, networking opportunities, sharing and support  and well… finding this group of folk on Facebook for me was like finding my tribe at an oasis after a very long dry, dusty and tiring trek through the desert on my own. For the past twelve months behind the scenes at Facebook, as admins of this group, three very special women Anna Pereira, Sheila Burke and Shari Alyse have been working solidly, assisted by others also, to bring together a World First Website Directory that will showcase the best of the best Facebook Wellness pages (based on certain criteria that is needing to be met).

The impetus for this Directory is that Facebook is pretty much a case of not knowing who is using that platform and what is actually available to you unless you just happen to stumble upon it. My page Cheoco Enterprises,  along with many other pages has been selected as a Top Resource for The Wellness Universe Website Directory which these amazing women have been creating and which you can find here www.TheWellnessUniverse.com It is a Directory of Resources to Expand Your Well-Being and this Friday 23 January at 11.11am (New York time – which is 2.11am here in Brisbane on Saturday 24 January) sees the SITE GOING LIVE! The birthing of this baby being ushered into the world by these very special ladies who have poured endless time, effort, energy and their own funds into during the past 12 months has been in order to provide you  with a Facebook Directory that will showcase the best of the best Wellness Facebook pages by a huge variety of admins, all of whom are movers and shakers and whose Soul purpose it is to assist in creating a better world for all.

As one person no there isn’t a lot many of us can do to help change the whole world but as this group has proven change begins with us as individuals and when we all come together and work together the most powerful, beautiful and amazing changes in the world can and do happen. Personally I have been flat out like a lizard drinking behind the scenes just trying to keep up with it all as these women are a combined powerhouse of ideas, talent, joy, excitement, passion and they are doers.  Which yes is right up my alley 🙂

So please do join us at www.TheWellnessUniverse.com for the launch where you truly will find resources you may never even know existed because the change in this world so many of us would like to see begins within each. From me, here in Queensland, Australia I sign off with a massively huge round of applause and much gratitude in my heart for these 3 women, for achieving such a mammoth task which  was organised so efficiently, ethically, methodically and with such joy, love, enthusiasm and passion for humanity and the beautiful world we all share.

Cheers, Cheryl. Copyright – C. O’Connor 2014. •*´☾☆☽`*• #Cheryl O’Connor. #Holistic #Counsellor, Author & Writer. * Cognitive & Body Based Counselling. * Creative & Artistic Therapies. * Specialising in #Dream #Analysis/#Conscious #Dreaming & #Shamanic Journeying. * #Reiki/#Seichim Treatments & Attunements. * #Isis #Meditation.

* Proud member of The Wellness Universe – www.TheWellnessUniverse.com
#‎WUVIP
Newsletter Subscription @ bit.ly/CheocoNews – All subscribers will receive a 10% discount on their first initial consultation for any of my services along with 33 awesome tips and tricks to help you start deciphering the language of your Soul, your dreams, as well as the symbolism of what appears to you daily.Website @ www.cheocoenterprises.com
My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available – bit.ly/Cheocoshop

LIZARD – KEEPER OF DREAMS

‪ It is said that Lizard dwells in the Dreamtime. Lizard sees very clearly in The Dreaming that which lays ahead as can we and well … to be forewarned is to be forearmed.

Lizard lives in the Shadow where our dreams occur prior to them manifesting. Our Shadow is part of us and can include our hopes, our fears, our limitations, our past and our future all of which essentially follow us around, just as our own physical shadows do.

Whenever Lizard appears it is prudent to have a look at what may be following you around within you and it most certainly is, for me, always a sign to pay closer attention to any dreams I experience or any symbols that come my way in what we call dreaming or when I am not in that conscious space and am instead in what we call being awake in this logical, rational, physical space.

I cannot EVER over emphasise the importance of paying attention to our dreams, they are crucial to our growth and understanding not only of ourselves but of life itself. When we work with our dreams, with symbols that appear to us in either state of consciousness, which life provides freely to all, an enormous wealth of wisdom, truth, peace, love and simplicity opens up to us.

Lizard can also be sending us a message that we may need to sleep, dream, imagine more than we have been. If you are experiencing nightmares either in the physical or non-physical states of awareness these are usually signs of inner conflict.

Another message from Lizard is that we could be lacking “dreams” for our future. It speaks of finding and embracing new experiences and can also be a warning that we are dreaming too much and not acting on the internal guidance we are all freely given by manifesting our “dreams” for our lives in the physical reality.

So Lizard very generally speaking, whenever it appears, is for me, all about our internal state and is a warning sign to pay close attention to what is going on inside us by way of our dreams, waking scenarios, thoughts, feelings and creations we would like to manifest in our lives.

As with ALL symbols what something means to each is based on their own experiences and gut feelings.
 Copyright – C. O’Connor 2014.

•*´☾☆☽`*•

#Cheryl O’Connor.
#Holistic #Counsellor, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.
* Creative & Artistic Therapies.
* Specialising in #Dream #Analysis/#Conscious #Dreaming & #Shamanic Journeying.
* #Reiki/#Seichim Treatments & Attunements.
* #Isis #Meditation.

* Proud member of The Wellness Universe – www.TheWellnessUniverse.com
#‎WUVIP

Newsletter Subscription @ bit.ly/CheocoNews – All subscribers will receive a 10% discount on their first initial consultation for any of my services along with 33 awesome tips and tricks to help you start deciphering the language of your Soul, your dreams, as well as the symbolism of what appears to you daily.Website @ www.cheocoenterprises.com
My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available – bit.ly/Cheocoshop

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD?

I’ve been hearing this question or the statement I don’t know what is wrong with the world more often than not lately.

It’s prompted pondering – what actually is wrong with the world?

Essentially I see nothing at all “wrong” with the world as such, however some human behaviour leaves a lot to be desired and a lot of us are left scratching our heads totally incapable of understanding why people are abusing and/or murdering each other and children, why folk are raping, pillaging and poisoning the air, water and land, why people in government are constantly receiving pay increases whilst cutting essential programmes and services we NEED and pay for with our taxes, when some of us can barely scrape enough money together to pay our rent, our bills or put food on the table.  We are also left wondering why there are people who are homeless, hungry and sick whilst others spend absolutely ridiculous amounts of money on trinkets and toys.   Many of us cannot for the life of us understand the why of any of it for it appears to us to be total insanity.

Perhaps it is insanity, or perhaps it is more a case of many people being in a state of total unconsciousness i.e. totally unaware of all they are projecting onto and blaming others for which would, I hazard a guess, fall into a category of those folk not having the willingness or even the knowing or desire to accept responsibility for THEIR thoughts and THEIR feelings, nor the skills to process them, without harm to the planet and those who live here, not just humans either.

Perhaps it is also about greed which falls into unconsciousness as those who are greedy have absolutely no awareness the Universe is abundant and provides us with all we need.  Perhaps it is about a need to feel powerful and in control of others because those folk are not in control of themselves and feel powerless hence their need to control that which is external to them.

Perhaps it is due to our extremely reinforced conditioning that all is external to us, including what many refer to as “God” which yes again falls into a category of total unconsciousness.   Is total unconsciousness then actually the “Insanity of Humanity”?

I am reminded of the Beatles song – “All you need is love” as I sit here processing thoughts and feelings about what I affectionately call “The Insanity of Humanity” for there is nothing that can be written that hasn’t already been said.   So why bother writing or sharing anything with anyone?  A very good question and the only possible answer I can give is because even though it’s all been done and said so many, many times over and over again, we humans still haven’t got the message and why is that?

We are all intelligent and many of us claim our intelligence is what makes us “superior” over the whole of the natural world and even the Universe which we generally see as being “beneath” us and “belonging” to us as we pillage, rape, pollute and destroy our world in order to be “wealthy”, “rich” and “powerful”.

How very intelligent we are to allow major banks and corporations to destroy our natural world, the only true home we all have, our health, our cultures and our well-being with their greed for money and “things”.  How very intelligent we are to allow so very much of what occurs in this world to occur and when will we all wake up to the reality that we belong to the Earth, the Earth does not belong to us?  That we are in fact an intrinsic part of nature, a part of the Universe, not separate to it or from it and that we and all we see are connected?  When will we all truly get it that nature has MUCH to teach us about ourselves and each other and that nature provides us with all we truly need to live on this planet?  It is therefore to my way of thinking nothing but TOTAL insanity to keep on polluting, pillaging and raping the Earth that freely gives us all life for there is no other planet any of us are aware of that sustains life.  Even if there were we are custodians of this planet and well frankly we are doing a pretty crap job for the most part in being responsible custodians of it for future generations to live here.

The world has existed for millions of years as humans have come and gone, and in more recent times, sadly leaving a path of destruction behind them.  What of the future?  Will Mother Nature, as she has in the past, say enough of all you humans and wipe us out totally because of our fear based way of life, our ignorance, our unwillingness to free ourselves from a system we have just blindly accepted is the only way to live on this planet, and our greed? Every great civilisation that has ever lived on the planet reaches a certain stage of its development or evolution if you prefer to call it that, and then is wiped out by natural or human causes.

In 2012 according to some this was the year the world would end, cease to be, clearly it never did end and is it possible the world will ever end?  Perhaps…. It hasn’t however ended at any time during the past 405,000,000 years that we know of, just evolved continually as has the life that lives upon it, so why would it just suddenly end?  Whilst countless lives have been lost on this planet due to war, greed, ignorance, revenge, hate, possession and a need to control and have power over others, the planet has lived on.  What is possible though is that the billions of human inhabitants, many of us who have been slowly waking up to who we truly are will fully wake up and take back our own power and our lands peacefully.  For according to someone’s story in a book called “The Bible” – “The meek shall inherit the Earth.”  I live in hope.

For thousands of years many have spoken of peace and love, compassion, kindness, equality and respect.  Many of those who spoke this and attempted to implement it were killed for doing so, why?  Messages and messengers have been all around us for eons yet do we see them?  Do we hear them? It is like we are mostly blind and deaf to our true potential, to who we truly are and the ability we have to heal ourselves and our planet (which is truly just reflecting the damage we have done and are doing to ourselves) thereby creating Heaven on Earth rather than continue to exist in the Hell of suffering we have created for ourselves and many others on this planet.  Do we not realise “the Kingdom of Heaven lays within” just as too so does “Hell”.   Do we not at all see that our internal reality is what manifests back to us in the external?   Do we not see that we have enslaved ourselves in a totally fear based “control system” which rewards the “rich” and penalises the “poor”?  Yet who is to say that those who do not have a lot of material wealth are poor, for they are rich in many ways the so-called rich cannot even begin to imagine.

Is it not insanity to accumulate debt that we have no means of paying back?  We truly never do own the land we live on we just think we do because we have exchanged pieces of paper with numbers written on them for a piece of paper that says we do.    Is it not insanity to destroy the very world and life that sustains us?  Is it not insanity to give humans chemicals in the form of pills to make them feel better when they are “sick”, which have the potential to create even more sickness with their “side effects” – what side effects?  An effect is an effect, there is nothing about it being on the side, and all of this is as I see it  a result of fear based conditioning and programming we have been subjected to for most of our lives.  Is it not insanity that the bulk of the population on this planet spend their lives, not living but surviving?   Is it not insanity to accumulate “things” only for them to land up as rubbish that pollutes our world?  Is it not insanity to spend, on average, some 40 plus hours a week making someone else “rich” or focussing on money so much for ourselves to appear to be successful, whilst we neglect family, get stressed, become exhausted and ill, whilst thinking that we are in fact providing for them and ourselves with “things”.

How do we justify this insanity?

Personally I can’t justify any of it other than to conclude that those who appear to be acting from a space of insanity may just simply not have awoken to the truth of themselves and of life yet.  I live in hope they do for all our sakes.

Copyright C. O’Connor 2014.

Image sourced from the internet, creator unknown.

 

•*´☾☆☽`*•…

‪#‎Cheryl‬ O’Connor.
‪#‎Holistic‬ ‪#‎Counsellor‬, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.
* Creative & Artistic Therapies.
* Specialising in ‪#‎Dream‬ ‪#‎Analysis‬/‪#‎Conscious‬ ‪#‎Dreaming‬ & ‪#‎Shamanic‬ Journeying.
* ‪#‎Reiki‬/‪#‎Seichim‬ Treatments & Attunements.
* Isis ‪#‎Meditation‬.

Newsletter Subscription @ bit.ly/CheocoNews – All subscribers will receive a 10% discount on their first initial consultation for any of my services along with 10 pages of awesome tips and tricks to help you start deciphering the language of your Soul, your dreams, as well as the symbolism of what appears to you daily.

Website @ www.cheocoenterprises.com
My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available – bit.ly/Cheocoshop

FB: https://www.facebook.com/cheocoenterprises
Skype: cheryloconnor333

Twitter: Cheryl O’Connor@Cheoco99
Email: cheoco99@yahoo.com.au