Well Being

FROG – CLEANSING

Welcome to the first in a series of articles that will explore the very generalised symbolism associated with certain animals.  Frog is known to call out when rain is needed and is all about cleansing and renewal. A tadpole looks exactly the same as a foetus and like Frog we firstly grow in water, forming in a similar fashion to Frog.Frog has a cycle of growth, not unlike Butterfly and relates to the growth and transformation that occurs when we cleanse our bodies and Souls with our tears. Frog is primarily water “medicine”.Frog can bring a message to slow down and allow yourself to feel your emotions. It may be that you could benefit from a long soak in the tub to clear away the mental or physical muck that has accumulated.There is an ancient practice associated with Frog Medicine where the Shaman or Medicine person would place water in their mouth and spray it over the body of a sick person to clear away accumulated negative energy.

With the rain that Frog calls out for when the Earth is dry, comes renewal, it is no different for us for when we remove the muck and mud through cleansing and releasing, we too are renewed.

If Frog appears it can be about these things but it can also be about our unwillingness to remove the muck, unstick ourselves from the mud we have accumulated. It could also be about allowing ourselves to become so involved with other folks issues, dramas and problems that we have become overwhelmed or are feeling drained or that perhaps we have immersed ourselves in one particular aspect of our life and need to get ourselves out of our dry ruts.

It speaks of obtaining a different viewpoint also and that it would be beneficial to take a break, re-new and re-vitalise yourself.

Like all symbols – what Frog means to you will be based on your own perceptions and experiences – generalised meanings are just helpful starting points for you to explore further if you choose to.

Copyright C. O’Connor 2014.

•*´☾☆☽`*•

‪#‎Cheryl‬ O’Connor.
‪#‎Holistic‬ ‪#‎Counsellor‬, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.
* Creative & Artistic Therapies.
* Specialising in ‪#‎Dream‬ ‪#‎Analysis‬/‪#‎Conscious‬ ‪#‎Dreaming‬ & ‪#‎Shamanic‬ Journeying.
* ‪#‎Reiki‬/‪#‎Seichim‬ Treatments & Attunements.
* Isis ‪#‎Meditation‬.

Newsletter Subscription @ bit.ly/CheocoNews – All subscribers will receive a 10% discount on their first initial consultation for any of my services along with 10 pages of awesome tips and tricks to help you start deciphering the language of your Soul, your dreams, as well as the symbolism of what appears to you daily.

Website @ www.cheocoenterprises.com
My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available – bit.ly/Cheocoshop

FB: https://www.facebook.com/cheocoenterprises
Skype: cheryloconnor333

Twitter: Cheryl O’Connor@Cheoco99
Email: cheoco99@yahoo.com.au

Re-Membering the Self: Healing What Was Forgotten

Have you ever felt like pieces of you are missing—like you walk through life with invisible gaps you can’t explain?

This is the quiet legacy of trauma. Our cultural conditioning, childhood wounds, and the unspoken energies of fear and abuse cause us to shut parts of ourselves away in order to survive. When the pain feels too much to bear, fragments of our being retreat into the subconscious, creating protective walls that shield us from further harm. These fragments remain hidden, but they continue to shape our lives—surfacing as re-actions instead of conscious responses.¹

We may find ourselves repeating patterns we do not want, pushing people away when we long for closeness, or filling inner holes with addictions, distractions, or relationships that never quite heal the emptiness. This is not because we are broken. It is because parts of us are waiting to come home.


The Body Remembers

Trauma is not just stored in memory—it is stored in the body.² ³ Muscles tighten, breathing shortens, the nervous system learns to expect danger. What could not be felt at the time becomes lodged in the cells of our being. Over the years, these unprocessed fragments may create illness or dis-ease—literally, a body not at ease with itself.

To become whole, we must re-member. This is more than recalling with the mind. It is bringing lost parts back into the membrane of our being, allowing ourselves to feel what was once too terrifying or overwhelming to feel. Only then can the energy move through the body and transform.


The Dreaming as Gateway

The Dreaming is one of the most powerful gateways for this re-membering. Some call it dreaming, astral travel, shamanic journeying, meditation, past life regression, or even moments of drift between sleep and waking.⁴ ⁵ All are expressions of the same expanded field of consciousness, where the boundaries of time dissolve and all is now.

Indigenous wisdom teaches that Dreaming is not confined to the past but is a living reality in which ancestors, land, and spirit continually speak.⁶ ⁷ Western depth psychology echoes this, recognising the dreamworld as the symbolic landscape of the psyche where hidden parts of the self may return.⁸ ⁹

Through The Dreaming, we gain access to the fragments of self split off by trauma. These encounters may appear as dream figures, symbolic landscapes, or re-enactments of old wounds. By engaging with them—through dream journaling, reflection, or guided processes—we can shift the patterns not only of this lifetime but also those carried across generations.¹⁰


Healing Across Time

We cannot change what happened in the past. But we can change how the past lives within us. When we meet a reactive trigger in daily life as if it were a dream symbol, we open the door to healing. Instead of repeating the same re-action, we can respond differently—re-writing the imprint, releasing the body’s grip, and restoring flow to the soul.

Transgenerational trauma research shows that unhealed wounds ripple down through families, shaping the lives of children and grandchildren.¹¹ Yet the reverse is also true: when one person chooses to re-member and transform their pain, the healing radiates outward, offering release to both ancestors and descendants. In this way, personal re-membering becomes collective re-membering.


Returning to Wholeness

As we call these parts home, the walls we built for protection soften. Instead of holes we try to fill, we discover fullness already within us. Instead of patterns that sabotage, we find space for conscious choice.

This is not easy work. It asks us to feel what we once ran from, to sit with grief, pain, fear, and sadness. But on the other side of the feeling lies integration. And with integration comes freedom—the freedom of being wholly ourselves.

We were never truly broken. We were only waiting to be whole again.


Reflection for You

Is there a dream, memory, or reactive moment that has been returning to you? Sit with it gently. Treat it as you would a dream symbol. Ask: What part of me is calling to come home? Then listen—not with the mind alone, but with the body and the heart.

Each fragment re-membered is life-force returned.


© Cheryl O’Connor, 2014 and 2025. All rights reserved.
Please do not reproduce without permission. Sharing with credit and a link is welcome.


References

  1. Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and recovery: The aftermath of violence—from domestic abuse to political terror. New York: Basic Books.

  2. Van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. New York: Viking.

  3. Ogden, P., & Fisher, J. (2015). Sensorimotor psychotherapy: Interventions for trauma and attachment. New York: W. W. Norton.

  4. Hillman, J. (1979). The dream and the underworld. New York: Harper & Row.

  5. Jung, C. G. (1960). The structure and dynamics of the psyche (Collected Works Vol. 8). Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.

  6. Rose, D. B. (1996). Nourishing terrains: Australian Aboriginal views of landscape and wilderness. Canberra: Australian Heritage Commission.

  7. Atkinson, J. (2002). Trauma trails, recreating song lines: The transgenerational effects of trauma in Indigenous Australia. North Melbourne: Spinifex Press.

  8. Yunkaporta, T. (2019). Sand talk: How Indigenous thinking can save the world. Melbourne: Text Publishing.

  9. Nakata, M. (2007). Disciplining the savages, savaging the disciplines. Canberra: Aboriginal Studies Press.

  10. Watkins, M., & Shulman, H. (2008). Toward psychologies of liberation. New York: Palgrave Macmillan.

  11. Danieli, Y. (Ed.). (1998). International handbook of multigenerational legacies of trauma. New York: Springer.

SPEAKING OUR TRUTH

I shared a quote on my Facebook Page Cheoco Enterprises some time ago now “Speak your truth EVEN if your voice shakes.”

I did so because it reminded me of many events in my life when I have needed to do this but one event, a very long time ago now, came to mind most when I saw this quote.

It was at a time when I was faced with one of those situations where you truly do not know what it is best to do, speak or remain silent. So as always my general rule of “When in doubt do nothing” applied until I was certain what my action would or would not be.

I also shared that quote because the memory of the particular situation brought with it how very valuable it can be to know what certain things mean for you symbolically in this so-called waking reality. In my last article I shared with you the discovery of the value of treating life as a dream and how it assists us to navigate our lives with a depth of vision and guidance which many of us wouldn’t normally usually even consider.

In relation to speaking my truth I came to a realisation many, many moons ago that when we act with honesty and integrity all we do is right after endless debates with myself where part of me would be wondering whether I was doing the right thing in whatever situation I was dealing with. Self-doubt would often debate with “knowing” but self-doubt is a whole other article.

The situation I was faced with was one where I knew that to speak would change a very limited view a group of people held about something on one hand and on the other to speak also felt like a huge betrayal of trust. To share what I thought I needed to and was feeling compelled to share would, I sensed, be of benefit to many as the realisation of an entirely different cause for certain behaviour would definitely have a ripple/flow on effect that would then assist even more people. The other aspect to it all was that I was still very raw emotionally from the truth I had discovered around the whole thing.

The dilemma in head and heart I faced was a challenging one indeed, to say the least. I had made the decision that I could not remain silent due to the many that would be assisted by what I had to say and I recall sitting outside a building waiting to speak to this group of people. Inside I was a trembling mess as my head and heart were both pulling me in different directions now, heart saying stay and speak as you have organised to do, head and fear saying get the hell out of here – NOW!! It was a moment of great anxiety as two parts of me were still debating even though a decision had been made and of the observer part of myself listening to this debate being caught smack bang in the middle of a flight or fight response from the other two parts of me.

It was in the midst of this mind/heart dilemma with only minutes to go before I would be called into the meeting that a Crow cawed several times. Crow for me is always symbolic of speaking my truth – there is much more to Crow but I can cover that in a later article. For now, speaking truth is what is most relevant about Crow’s presence in this story.

As I looked to the Sky to see where Crow was situated I found him in the East. Direction of new beginnings for me, along with a huge cloud shaped like an Elephant. As I watched this Elephant cloud its form started changing and it went from having its trunk lowered to rising it within a matter of moments as an Elephant does when they trumpet. At the moment when the trunk was at its highest point Crow cawed out again.

The message was very simple – be strong like the Elephant and speak your truth for new beginnings will come from it.

So yep I stayed. Walking into that room was hard as my legs were shaking and I felt sick to the pit of my stomach. Speaking was difficult due to the sadness that was emerging at the same time for it is rare I can speak when I am releasing sadness and as my voice quivered and shook and my eyes leaked like rapidly dripping taps, I could see through my blurred vision by the stunned looks on the faces of all present what they had heard and seen the truth of, had indeed been a major wakeup call that they would now most certainly need to act on and I left that meeting knowing with everything in me I had done what was right.

There has been much of value I have learned and been gifted with during my life but I think and feel one of the greatest gifts I have ever received was the moment I realised I didn’t at all have to have a dream to assist me in guiding my life. That life constantly speaks to me through images, sounds, synchronicity and signs and what those things mean to me symbolically.

Cheers, Cheryl.

© Cheryl O’Connor 2014.

•*´☾☆☽`*•

‪#‎Cheryl‬ O’Connor.
‪#‎Holistic‬ ‪#‎Counsellor‬, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.
* Creative & Artistic Therapies.
* Specialising in ‪#‎Dream‬ ‪#‎Analysis‬/‪#‎Conscious‬ ‪#‎Dreaming‬ & ‪#‎Shamanic‬ Journeying.
* ‪#‎Reiki‬/‪#‎Seichim‬ Treatments & Attunements.
* Isis ‪#‎Meditation‬.

Newsletter Subscription @ bit.ly/CheocoNews – All subscribers will receive a 10% discount on their first initial consultation for any of my services along with 10 pages of awesome tips and tricks to help you start deciphering the language of your Soul, your dreams, as well as the symbolism of what appears to you daily.

Website @ www.cheocoenterprises.com
My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available – bit.ly/Cheocoshop

FB: https://www.facebook.com/cheocoenterprises
Skype: cheryloconnor333

Twitter: Cheryl O’Connor@Cheoco99
Email: cheoco99@yahoo.com.au

LIFE AS A DREAM

“Everything that comes to me
is a reflection of Self so I see
that as within, so too without
leaving me with no doubt
of the work on Self that must be done
in order for Humanity to be consciously One.

Judging none, accepting all,
surrendering to the rise and fall,
fully feeling the pain inside,
from myself I can never hide,
and as I become One with my Soul
I begin to realise my only role
is to love and respect all that’s around me
but firstly love and respect for myself there must be.”

It was during a time of non-dreaming when I was needing answers and none were forthcoming by their usual method of delivery i.e. dreaming, that one day I thought I wonder what would happen if I started treating things, people, events and animals that crossed my path just as I would a dream. Would the answers I was seeking then come to me?

So with great curiosity I made a decision to start looking at life in that way whenever I had a re-action (re-acting out an old subconscious behavioural pattern I didn’t particularly like or experiencing intense emotions i.e. what folk normally refer to as a reaction rather than a response) or with whatever I encountered, bird, reptile, beast, the wind and whatever direction it was coming from, people who crossed my path, traffic lights, slogans and signs that “spoke” to me, numbers, rooms, street names, clouds that formed very definite shapes, types of trees – essentially everything that occurred or crossed my path in my so called “waking” reality in this physical realm of logical and rational thinking.

If for example a water pipe broke, a light bulb went out, a glass smashed, a door became stuck, if I got a red light run or a green light run etc., etc., I treated all exactly as I would a dream i.e. as an aspect of Self just as I would a “sleeping” dream when I woke up each morning. I would use the method I have developed for working with a dream, for always the present situation, our questions and feelings about it and the answer to any question or pondering we have during our waking reality will be revealed in dreaming. The good majority of us though, have lost the knowledge of how dreams speak to us and in fact how life truly speaks to us.

What I discovered amazed and excited me for when I started bringing the personal symbolic meanings I had spent a great deal of time getting to know, which I used in my dream analysis, along with my way of working with a dream, into my daily life, my experiences clearly showed me I was essentially in fact living one huge dream of my own creation whether “awake” or “asleep”.

Ever since I have therefore treated ALL that crosses my path as a symbolic aspect of my Self whenever I have needed to make a decision about which path to take at crossroads; to assist with just “knowing” whether something was right for me or not; or whenever there has been anything I haven’t quite understood which I do need to see and understand. It takes time to actually get the hang of this but if a person starts practising it a whole new awareness can open up and it truly will amaze.

The reality and biggest bonus for all being that folk don’t necessarily need to experience dreaming in what we term “sleep” in order to understand the deeper meanings behind the veil of illusion of everyday so called “waking” life that dreaming gives us.

When we start to look at daily life symbolically, as we would a dream, we find situations which arise are taken less personally and the ability can be gained to see a little deeper into the issue i.e. what it is teaching us about ourselves and the action we need to take, or not take, in relation to it.

We soon come to realise that messages for our personal growth, use and guidance are abundant and this is especially true when we are dealing with challenges (not problems) I personally believe, as John Lennon once said, “There are no problems, only solutions.” Challenges if you like, that we set up for ourselves to find creative solutions to, to test our skills, knowledge and growth and whether or not we have actually healed a wound that would normally create a re-action, as opposed to a response.

Often we will learn something and for a time it is only a theory that just makes perfect sense to us and resonates with us, then we will experience it i.e. we are given the chance and opportunity to put that theory into practice. Some lessons true, take longer to sink in than others, many refer to those repetitive lessons as mistakes or if they experience something that isn’t pleasant those too are seen as mistakes rather than just the learning curves that they are and folk will often throw a negative connotation on them but we will repeat something several times in various different scenarios until yep we now not only “know” it, as in the theory of it, but more importantly we have experienced it, integrated it and we now understand it and can apply it in our lives. As an example I can share for many many years I appeared to attract abusive behaviour by others, once I stopped abusing myself the reflection of that no longer appeared in others.

How many times do we encounter people who we feel treat us badly? We are often faced with situations that bring up emotions such as anger, frustration, sadness and disappointment. We, or the other person, are often left feeling the intensity of our emotions. Sometimes we confront the person and try to sort out the difficulty, other times we don’t. Often the issue is never mentioned again as we try to pretend nothing has happened yet we feel an invisible barrier with these folk, or we simply avoid the person who we think has caused our distress or discomfort. We often take “offence” to something another has done or said and therein lays a very interesting word. “Offence” when I play with it I get “A fence” – i.e. a barrier put up so strongly that no-one can get through it.

Many of us were never taught and still have not mastered effective communication skills or good confrontational skills. Most of us run a mile rather than confront another about any discomfort we may be experiencing due to what another has said, done or not done. Our whole conditioning in our western culture has been one of competition, of win or lose, of right and wrong, of my way or the highway, yet with effective communication skills and good confrontational skills it does not need to be this way. Interactions can move from discomfort, strong emotion or attack and blame scenarios to one of clear boundaries, assertive and effective communication, self-confidence and mutual respect with a desire to understand where each other is coming from by asking questions, by being curious, rather than judging, accusing, assuming, blaming, shaming, attempting to “make” another feel guilty or creating a fence.

Once we begin to look at absolutely everything and everyone who crosses our path as being a symbolic aspect of Self/part of Self we start to feel acceptance and gratitude for whatever comes our way, although granted we certainly may not feel that when the event that has triggered our own subconscious distress and re-active behaviour first occurs!

It is however OUR distress to deal with. No-one can “make” another feel anything – they are OUR feelings, no-one else’s. Learning and understanding what I perceive to be the lost language of dreams can help us all enormously for it is one of our greatest allies, providing a wealth of healing, knowledge and wisdom accessible to every single person on the planet freely and frequently.

Everywhere we go, everything we hear, everything we overhear, everyone we meet and every single situation we encounter has a deeper meaning when treated symbolically. Messages are EVERYWHERE yet we rarely see them, let alone give thanks for them or the priceless gifts they and others bring into our lives. We are usually too busy rushing here or there and realistically where are we all really rushing to? Many say “I’m getting there” where exactly is “there”?

Often folk are so busy talking about a situation, feeling we are hard done by, or rehashing events that have upset us over and over in our minds to stop and be still enough to truly listen and see the truth of what is really occurring.

Often we struggle and suffer through our experiences, judging, blaming, resenting, accusing, making assumptions and trying to figure out why another has behaved the way they have, yet rarely do we even ask them why or ask what is going on for them. More times than not most folk will discuss the issue with someone else, with both assuming or trying to guess why another has done or said whatever they have done or said to supposedly cause another distress or upset.

Sometimes we even go so far as to not even speak to those who we feel caused our distress. Our ingrained subconscious conditioning is to continually project ourselves onto others blaming them for whatever happens in OUR lives and whatever emotions WE feel.

Every single experience we have had or do have in life we have created at a deeper level for ourselves. Each one of us has been given “free will” and once we truly get this we have learnt to accept FULL responsibility for everything that has and does occur in our lives.

One of the quickest, most beautiful and easiest empowering words any of us can ever use is “I”. I feel, I think, I am wondering, I need to, I should, I must, I will, rather than using words like “you make me”, “you think I”, “you need to”, “you should/shouldn’t”, “you must/mustn’t”, “you don’t” etc.

So many times the use of “you” lands up in an argument with raised voices and intense emotions coming to the surface. It seems to me that often when we don’t feel heard or understood we automatically raise our voice perhaps in a subconscious effort to be heard yet it is not the volume attached to what we need to say that is creating the misunderstanding in most situations – saying something louder doesn’t make it any better understood, it just leads to the other person raising their voice also. It is rather synchronistic that as I am typing this in the background I can hear a classic “YOU”, “YOU”, “YOU” argument which is occurring quite loudly on the television which another in the Bat Cave has turned on.

The moment we use the word you in front of any other word, more particularly when we are experiencing strong emotional re-actions or discomfort, we are projecting onto another person and we will automatically create a barrier between that person and our Self.

Whereas if we replace “you” with “I” we neither give our own personal power away, nor our Self responsibility, nor will another throw up an invisible barrier that “you” smacks them in the face with as being a personal attack on them, which then pushes them into a space of instant defence caused by offence, and further away.

There is a nursery rhyme I am sure many will remember which on the surface means diddly squat really and yet it holds great and profound wisdom:-

“Row Row Row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily
Life is but a Dream!”

When looked at symbolically this rhyme holds far greater meaning than we generally give it credit for, for realistically most of us give it no credit and perhaps think of it as a cute but silly little nursery rhyme young children seem to have enjoyed hearing and singing over time.

Essentially a boat is a vessel that journeys on top of and through water. Our bodies are the vessels we journey through life in. Water is generally symbolic of our emotions. Therefore symbolically speaking the boat represents us and how we could be handling the emotions we travel through, if we all truly realised Life is But a Dream, of our own creation.

Cheers, Cheryl.

© Cheryl O’Connor 2014.

•*´☾☆☽`*•

‪#‎Cheryl‬ O’Connor.
‪#‎Holistic‬ ‪#‎Counsellor‬, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.
* Creative & Artistic Therapies.
* Specialising in ‪#‎Dream‬ ‪#‎Analysis‬/‪#‎Conscious‬ ‪#‎Dreaming‬ & ‪#‎Shamanic‬ Journeying.
* ‪#‎Reiki‬/‪#‎Seichim‬ Treatments & Attunements.
* Isis ‪#‎Meditation‬.

Newsletter Subscription @ bit.ly/CheocoNews – All subscribers will receive a 10% discount on their first initial consultation for any of my services along with 10 pages of awesome tips and tricks to help you start deciphering the language of your Soul, your dreams, as well as the symbolism of what appears to you daily.

Website @ www.cheocoenterprises.com
My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available – bit.ly/Cheocoshop

FB: https://www.facebook.com/cheocoenterprises
Skype: cheryloconnor333

Twitter: Cheryl O’Connor@Cheoco99
Email: cheoco99@yahoo.com.au

THE HEALING POWER OF ANGER

Many see anger as a “bad” thing, a negative emotion that perhaps should not be expressed. Personally I just see all emotions as different forms of energy.

Imagine if you will that your body is a capped volcano. On the outside is a solid calm presence that hides within it a very alive and active amount of energy. The cap stopping the flow of this energy is one consisting of being polite and not letting fly whilst within the energy simmers and brews becoming more and more frustrated pushing its way to the top needing release before it implodes and damages our bodies.

As the frustration builds and builds in its intensity with one thing after another suddenly “the last straw” comes along. The energy can be held in place no longer and so whammo off comes the cap of politeness, of holding your tongue and our frustration which has been building ever so intensely spews forth like hot lava affecting everyone in its path.

Once the lava emerges what then? You’ve usually surprised a lot of folk and perhaps even yourself that you went off so badly and perhaps you and others are suddenly in shock that you have let fly. Whilst you feel good that your frustration has been set free which due to being squashed down time and time again turned into anger you are also left feeling somewhat embarrassed and perhaps in awe or even in fear of the amount of energy that came flying out of you spitting hot rocks and lava everywhere. Most folk when they do finally let fly then apologise for having done so – why? Is our conditioning so very entrenched in relation to not allowing ourselves to express anger?

Let’s dig a little deeper shall we to see what is contained within the now just simmering lava that is flowing and 10 times out of 10 you will find buried beneath it all lays a wound that you have been unconsciously protecting that exists from some moment in time which was inflicted upon you that has been covered up time and time again with layers of protection in fear so that another does not wound us in the same way again.

Once the cap of frustration and anger blows and the pain of the wound is actually felt, it exists no more, nor do the layers protecting it.

It was very interesting to me quite some time ago now to observe the behaviour of another who was using alcohol as “medicine” to numb pain and who was often angry, hurt full towards others and many times totally irrational as folk suffering the sickness of alcohol self-medication are. I sensed fear, an inability to cope and a very deep wound lay beneath it all so the alcohol and anger if you like was just the protection being used to push others away, ultimately totally and kept anyone from getting anywhere near the wound so the pain of it would not be felt.

In this individual I was reminded of the analogy of a wounded animal, in that the first instinct of any animal when wounded is to act aggressively when another tries to assist care for them or help heal their wound. Anger can be quite destructive to relationships but to dig deeper and find the wound is the blessing in it. However as with all things it is totally up to the individual whether or not they actually want to face and feel their own pain or whether they just continue on with their lives protecting themselves and pushing other folk away with their defensive fear based anger, for the greatest form of defence is known to be attack first.

I also find that anger is a wonderful energy if used without hurting other folk with words for weapons or physically, for it gives me the rocket fuel, if you like, I sometimes need, to propel me into action or into what I term Warrior mode and make changes in my life I’ve been thinking about but haven’t yet acted on and yes always underneath it so far I have found fear, a wound and pain.

We all reach our “enough” point at some stage, some of us sooner rather than later. A very wise person once said to me “If you know something is poisonous, stop taking it.” They were not referring at the time to a physical substance being ingested (although that does apply) but to behaviours by others that make us upset or cause us pain. Behaviours that are not kind and do not bring us any sense of peace, calm or love. Whether those behaviours are our own or another’s.

Many say if you truly love someone it shouldn’t matter what crap they throw at you or how much pain they bring you, you should just stick it out and put up with it. Personally I say bollocks to that for there does indeed come a time when you have to love yourself, your own peace of mind and being, more than continually putting up with being in the projectionary firing line of another’s unhealed wounds. It is often the case that out of love for yourself and another you reach your enough point and just totally walk away, leaving them to stew in their own crap and with any luck enough space to finally start looking at themselves and start dealing with whatever has caused them to behave in the hurtful way they have been.

So…. anger is not, in my reality, a “bad” thing at all when we see it for what it truly is and do no harm to others with it. It is in fact a very powerful energy that moves us forward and helps us see, feel and heal our wounds.

© Cheryl O’Connor 2014.

•*´☾☆☽`*•

‪#‎Cheryl‬ O’Connor.
‪#‎Holistic‬ ‪#‎Counsellor‬, Author & Writer.

* Cognitive & Body Based Counselling.
* Creative & Artistic Therapies.
* Specialising in ‪#‎Dream‬ ‪#‎Analysis‬/‪#‎Conscious‬ ‪#‎Dreaming‬ & ‪#‎Shamanic‬ Journeying.
* ‪#‎Reiki‬/‪#‎Seichim‬ Treatments & Attunements.
* Isis ‪#‎Meditation‬.

Newsletter Subscription @ bit.ly/CheocoNews – All subscribers will receive a 10% discount on their first initial consultation for any of my services along with 10 pages of awesome tips and tricks to help you start deciphering the language of your Soul, your dreams, as well as the symbolism of what appears to you daily.

Website @ www.cheocoenterprises.com
My book The Promise, Skype & Email Consultations Available – bit.ly/Cheocoshop

FB: https://www.facebook.com/cheocoenterprises
Skype: cheryloconnor333

Twitter: Cheryl O’Connor@Cheoco99
Email: cheoco99@yahoo.com.au

COMPROMISE

Like most words it’s a really interesting one when you stop and look at it and play around with it a little for in it I actually see two words Com and Promise – so what does it really mean?

Well according to one dictionary source com is a prefix meaning “with,” “together,” “in association,” and (with intensive force) “completely,” occurring in loanwords from Latin ( commit ): used in the formation of compound words before b, p, m: combine; compare; commingle.

Promise from my perception means that no matter what, I will do what I say I will. It may be that I can’t always do it exactly when I said I would but regardless of how long it takes I will do it anyway. For me a promise is linked in with a person’s integrity and honesty and displays, or not, their ability to “Walk their Talk” and whether or not they can be trusted and believed when they speak.

For me a promise is only ever something I can honestly make from the depths of my being, from the very core and heart of my soul and it is a sacred vow for me once spoken because regardless of what I have to go through, endure or deal with that vow will not ever be broken nor completed via the contract I have made by promising anything, until I have done what I have promised I will do.

Hence, I rarely ever make promises because life is so changeable and so much happens and the only time I make a promise is when I know with absolutely certainty and no doubt whatsoever within me that I can keep a promise, no matter what, which is why my book The Promise was given that title.

According to one dictionary there are several definitions for the word Promise:-

1. is a declaration that something will or will not be done, given, etc., by one: unkept political promises.
2. an express assurance on which expectation is to be based: promises that an enemy will not win.
3. something that has the effect of an express assurance; indication of what may be expected.
4. indication of future excellence or achievement: a writer who shows promise.
5. something that is promised.

So…. what happens when we put Com and Promise together well yes we get Compromise but what then does that word really mean?

When I put them together not only do I get compromise but I also get a binding and complete contract if you like with another person that no matter what will not be broken and that is my own personal standard definition of the word.

However, according to one dictionary when the words com and promise come together they actually create meanings such as these:-

1. A settlement of differences by mutual concessions; an agreement reached by adjustment of conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc., by reciprocal modification of demands.
2. the result of such a settlement.
3. something intermediate between different things: The split-level is a compromise between a ranch house and a multistoried house.
4. an endangering, especially of reputation; exposure to danger, suspicion, etc.: a compromise of one’s integrity.
verb (used with object), com•pro•mised, com•pro•mis•ing.
5. to settle by a compromise.
6. to expose or make vulnerable to danger, suspicion, scandal, etc.; jeopardize: a military oversight that compromised the nation’s defenses.
7. Obsolete .
a. to bind by bargain or agreement.
b. to bring to terms.

With these second lot of definitions in mind, which are the ones most folk normally associate compromise with, and given that the majority of us involve ourselves in relationships that appear to involve compromise as a major component, how is it that any of us can be truly happy when we compromise ourselves in the context of the meanings the majority place on the word?

I was speaking with a friend a while ago now and said something like “it’s all about comprising” as we were discussing “relationships”. This friend shared with me that no they did not believe that and then told me the following story which I have remembered as best as I can from my perception of it.

It was a fairly typical story of two people who meet, both living in separate places some distance away from each other quite happily. Neither wanting to move into each other’s space due to the distance they would then have to travel to where they needed to be for children’s schooling, work etc.

They wanted to live together just not in each other’s current place of residence so they compromised and both moved to a house, into an area neither really liked, so that the distance they each had to travel to be where they needed to be was equal.

This resulted in both now needing to travel a greater distance than they were on a daily basis, adjust to living together with each other and their respective children all in a house and an area neither particularly liked.

So what are the chances do you think of all involved being happy when all have compromised (with the word meaning the second lot of definitions I have shared) living arrangements they were perfectly happy with prior to meeting each other and when their relationship in that house is now built on a foundational stone of compromise?

This story is one I have heard often and one I have also lived for there once was a time when I saw compromise as most see it.

I once had also thought myself that compromise with that meaning attached to it was a necessary factor in a relationship. The old give and take as opposed to give and receive (there is a huge difference) and give all you can to anything you really want to make happen or experience. Therein lays another issue in the word “make”. For truly we can never “make” anything happen where another is involved. At best we can give it a go and if both are committed plans are usually made and we create together whatever it is we have decided to create but we can never ever “make” another do anything.

I myself once compromised my way of life to move to another state to be with someone I loved because in many respects it was, at the time, easier for me to do so than him.

I gave up my whole way of life thinking my life would be better than it was at that time. Reality proved me wrong for it became a situation of me doing all the giving, me being the one constantly “compromising” what I wanted to experience in my life and in return I received a lot of abuse, ultimately ill health emotionally, financially, mentally and physically from another whose behaviour, lack of respect and narcissism, together with a previously unknown issue with alcohol which was being used to numb a heck of a lot of disenfranchised grief that had not been dealt with, all of which only became apparent once I had made the move over 1,000 kilometres away from my “home” area of some 28 years to an area I absolutely detested and often referred to as “the cess pit”. Essentially compromise in that situation wasn’t healthy for me or my son and cost me dearly in more ways than one. It also taught me much for which I was and am most grateful.

Compromise with the “normal” meaning of the word attached to it, from what I have seen from being on the planet for 50 years rarely ever turns out for the best when each and every one of us, by our very nature, requires the personal freedom to do whatever we want, whenever we want to within the confines or our societal structures, personal morals and values of course, independence and peace in our lives.

Compromise again with the “normal” definition from what I have seen leads to resentment and a host of other emotions that do not include joy, happiness or peace for how can we give another the best of us and experience joy, peace or happiness when we have in fact compromised ourselves and what truly makes us happy, joyous or peace full?

So … personally, like my friend, I can’t see that compromise, as so very many of us know it to be, actually really works too well for any of us and I can’t imagine that any time soon I will be choosing to compromise myself in that context again.

Compromise however as I have come to know it and define it appears to me to be a whole different ball game.

Cheers, Cheryl.

© Cheryl O’Connor 2014.

•*´☾☆☽`*•

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